6 months pregnant and just broke up with my boyfriend

[sewinggirl]

My boyfriend and I had been together for about 2 years. Since we found out that we're expecting things have been bad. It was a big shock for us and at the beginning he said he didn't want to be involved at all and would just give me money every month. This really hurt me and when he soon changed his mind I took him back because I was just so scared of going it alone. Looking back now I think this was a big red flag.

6 months down the line and things have been getting worse and we're arguing constantly. I try to be patient because over the last few weeks he's been feeling really depressed, but he says he thinks the baby is ruining his life and his arrival will ruin everything. He has his own house, car and a good job but I think he just doesnt want to lose his freedom.

We had a talk today and he says hes realised he resents me for keeping the baby and that he doesn't know what to do. But after 6 months of him chopping and changing I'm completely drained, so I said it would be best that we end it now rather than bringing a baby into a broken relationship.

I'm feeling very hurt about it because I really did want to try to make it work on one hand i think it'll be for the best but on the other hand I'm worried I'm making a mistake. The hormones aren't making it any easier!!

Does anyone have any advice on how to get through the next few months, stay civil with him and anything I need to consider? Am I making the right decision?

 

[Amygdala]

I've not been in your situation but I think it sounds like you made the right decision. You gave it a go, even after he said he didn't want to be involved initially. Yes, that might have been a panic reaction but it really shows a severe lack of loyalty to you or responsibility towards the baby. I think you're right to not risk him changing his mind again and walking out later. Also, again I know this will have been said in a highly emotional situation but he should really have more respect and self control than to say that he blames you for not aborting the pregnancy! That's a retry unforgivable thing to say at this stage in pregnancy I think. So yes, I think baby is better off growing up with just you. I'm sure others can advise you on the practical things but I just wanted to say be strong and you can and will do this.

 

[Chiochick]

I've somewhat been in your shoes.
I ended things withat my son's dad even though we had been together for 6 years.
He loves his son but he had gotten into hard drugs and was not safe being around my LOs.
I had to break up the family and leave him after 6 years and I was still so in love with him.
Honestly, the best thing (and hardest thing) is distance.
Give him updates on the baby if he wants but absolutely do not let him into your personal life.
It hurts so so badly but I promise it's the only thing that works.
When you feel like talking to him, either distract yourself or remember all the hurtful things he said and remember why you had to do it.
I raised 2 little ones on my own for quite a while and it is really hard but I know you can do it!
By separating yourself from him, there will be 2 outcomes and both are better than your current situation.
1) he will pull his head out of his ass and realize how bad he f*cked up and come back
2) you will move on and be a kick ass mommy and find someone a million times better who will love you and your LO
I went for option number 2 and we're expecting our first together. He loves my LOs and I couldn't imagine my life without him.

You've got this!

 

[2have4kids]

He's resentful of you for keeping the baby? How about you're resentful of him for knocking you up and then skating? I agree with the pp, and you've done the right thing, the hard thing but oh my you deserve so much respect for putting you & your baby first. You deserve someone who loves you, the whole package, baby & all. This man can't see past his own nose! Secure childcare & custody when it's born and enjoy your baby. A man who treats you like this will only drain the love and life out of you once your baby arrives.

 

[CeriB]

I think you have done the right thing too if he is resentful now, that will only grow into something more as the pregnancy goes on and then baby arrives. If he can't accept it, he needs to go. I hope you have other friends and family that can be your support network and I really hope you'll feel better soon

 

[MyFavSurprise]

I raised my first son alone with a little help from friends and family and it gave us the most incredible bond, he is a beautiful boy and I raised him exactly how I wanted to and it gave us so much freedom together. I know it is hard right now but you've got this, you are already making the best choices for your baby by putting baby first. I hope that down the road he does realize that he made a mistake leaving you and your LO, but really it is better to happen now rather than later after baby has started to bond with him.. I am so sorry for what you are going through and I wish he would have stepped up as dad.. but you wont regret the choice you are making now. He made this baby too, he was there and it is unfair for him to act as though his life is falling apart and you and baby are to blame. Wishing you the best

 

[Pne1985]

I've never been in this situation but when my mom was 14, she had my oldest brother. The dad wanted and had nothing to do with him. But she did a mighty fine job on her own especially being that young. My grandma( her mom) wasn't much help because she had a baby the same age. Also my other brother met a girl that was already pregnant. The "sperm donor" left her basically because she was pregnant. So my brother is the dad unless the guy fights for rights. Her lawyer told her to be civil if he contacts her, but do the bare minimum. She has to wait 6 months of him not contacting her or trying for her to terminate his rights.
So anyway, I think you are doing the right thing, you can't make someone want to be a parent. You will do fine, and meet someone who will love you and the baby more than you ever thought. Worry about yourself and that babe first, and when the time is right, a guy will show up in your life for good. You're not alone. And there is so much help out there. Your baby will thank you someday!

 

[2ducks]

This is a yucky situation....certainly you have made the right choice. I hope you have a good support system around you. This is a good time to find a new birthing partner and start doing some financial planning. What is your relationship with his family like??? They may still be interested in supporting you and the baby. When my brother broke up with his pregnant girlfriend I was mortified. My family let her know that we were still there for her and the baby, they got back together like a month later.


When the baby is born he may come around/ grow up a little and decide he wants to coparent.

Take care of your self and I am sending love your way!

 

[2have4kids]

I agree with pp, DH's bil had a baby with a lady, broke up with her and then went on to marry another woman. The entire family has supported her and now her daughter had her own baby. DH and his big bro live in Canada while the rest all live in Britain (England and Scotland). We sent her daughter money after her birth and her mom got support from DH's family all the way through. It's up to you if you wish to approach his parents and maybe you'd do this after the baby is born (seeing babies often reaches into hearts so deep they lose their mind/hatred/hang-ups). Your ex doesn't need to be a part of her life but please think about giving the family a chance - you and your baby deserve all the support you can get!