7 reasons not to mess with children

[SarahMelissa]

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'


A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'


One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'


The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'



A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'


The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE. God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

 

[tasha41]

Those are great!

 

[Alexas Mommy]

 

[Blue12]

I am a teacher of 6 and 7 year olds and I have a few personal experiences.

Often children try to get off topic or can get silly and so a phrase I often use is "You are wasting your time and we may not get chance to do some of the other fun and important things we have planned today" (I always list all of the days events so they know what is coming).
Anyway, one day a student frantically interrupts me speaking and says......Im really worried - are you wasting our time now?

Many children truly believe that as a teacher you know everything and I often try to convince the children I learned just like they did and that I don't know everything. One day my mom came in to meet this wonderful funny group and a student walked up to the two of us and asked who is smarter you or your mom. I said of course my mom is because she taught me everything I know. The kids jaw dropped and said wow she is really smart then I gotta go tell everyone.

While doing a simple probability activity we were generating probability statements such as it is certain that the sun will rise tomorrow, it is unlikely, it is likely, it is impossible etc. One student stands up and states I am certain that everyone will look at me today. At first I think that his example isn't the best he could of chosen so I ask him to explain it to me a bit more and ask how he can be so certain that everyone will look at him. He replys well I am cute as heck so who wouldn't want to look at me.

During my first year of teaching I remember a student come running to me to tell me that a book that I had in my room had the S* word......in shock i asked them to show it to me only to discover that it said stupid. Once I realized how wonderfully innocent these children were I knew how important it was to not even read the word stupid outloud or use it accidently. One day a student came running to me and said oh no my friend said the F* word. I was shocked and in disbelief so I gave him permission to tell me what he said. He whispered in my ear ferderberder.......I reacted in shock as if it was the word and said oh no, never say that again. The little guy ran back to his friend and said ha.........I knew that was the F word!

I am an avid believer that as my job is to constantly challenge the children I welcome them to challenge me back - little do they know they are still doing the learning. So one day when I gave them a whole slew of adding questions a student came up to me and said I made a adding challenge for you to complete while we work on our challenge. I was so excited to show them I could master their challenge and excited that they understood the concept enough to make questions for me. When they came back 30 seconds later to see if I completed the challenge they said "congratulations and thanks for all the answers" they had copied all the questions from my challenge and now I had provided them the answers. LOL!!!!!!!

 

[Elli21]

Blue12 ... that last one was genuis!

 

[Kellie Marie]

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.' '[/SIZE]

This made me laugh so much - I had my face in my pillow so I didnt wake OH

 

[MiissMuffet]

The photo one was funniest!!!!

 

[maaybe2010]

Blue12 ... that last one was genuis!

I agree! haha

 

[pink.crazy]

Hahaha!!

 

[Pookie 73]

 

[MrsPoodle]

Ha! Love it!