8 y.o. is out of control

[jcombs35]

Wow. Zombiedaisy isn't even talking on here anymore, and I don't blame her! I have three kids, 4, 7, and 9. A couple months ago, I had a long day of running around. When I got home, my kids wanted to play in the pool, but I had a mess of a kitchen and still had to cook supper. I explained to them everything I still needed to do before we could even think about going in the pool. My two oldest kids asked, "What if we did the dishes?" I really doubted it. I said, "You think you guys can do the dishes?" They were very confident, so I let them have at it. They struggled at first, and I had to step in and help them problem solve a couple times, but my 9 year old washed and my 7 year old rinsed and dried, and they both put them away.

Sometimes we don't give kids credit for their abilities. We underestimate what they're capable of. Making them do chores to earn a privilege isn't going to hurt them. It is a critical life skill. (You want money, you have to work.) Pushing them to do something "hard" isn't going to hurt them either. They learn to problem solve, and if it's not so hard it's impossible, it gives them self-confidence to face challenges later on! I think this woman knows her child and knows what he is capable of! I often ask my children to do things I'm not sure if they can do. Then I stand back and watch. When I see them get frustrated, I step in and offer suggestions. If it ends up being too much, I step in and help.

That being said, I think that taking away his seeing a movie after he did something to win passes was a little harsh. That's just my own opinion though.

Sounds to me like he is testing his boundaries. Hold your ground. He needs it.

 

[nugget80]

My girls are 10/11 and do very few chores beyond keeping room tidy HOWEVER this is all changing as they are lazy little toerags and need to learn a little responsibility! As of pretty much now they will be having a list of chores to do and if they want to go out at the very least they need to have a tidy room... They will also be required to complete the chores in order to gain their pocket money each month. I think asking an 8 year old to do washing up is perfectly reasonable though it sounds like he shares the attitude with my 10 year old who will moan and claim she can't do it til I get fed up with moaning and do it for her...!

 

[JASMAK]

I guess I am lucky that my kids do alot of age appropriate things already...but we don't call them chores...they are part of living. Chores to me = maid.

 

[jcombs35]

My oldest and youngest are very helpful on their own. But my 7 year old has ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and a slow working memory, and sometimes it's a huge struggle getting him to do anything.

 

[onemorebabe]

I totally agree that the tantrums are not acceptable, I have a 7 yr old who does the dishes.. I Did the dishes at 7 years old.. There would be no movie till his attitude changed.. Yeah let kids be kids but dont let them be bratty trolls..

 

[toolboxoftemp]

It's hard being a parent. The toughest job out there. I don't have all the answers, but I would love to have smart, savvy, concerned parents like yourselves join or respond to my blog. I am a teacher, parent, and librarian interested in blogging about p-books, music, self-help books, games, etc. to get ideas in how to help kids manuever through their emotions. I am blogging for fun. Please google "toolbox of temperaments" typepad and my last name moukhliss. I look forward to hearing your input.

 

[Ginger_Bee]

OP, If you even come back to read this: Your son sounds like he's got something going on that needs to be talked out. I don't think this excuses his behavior, but COULD explain it. Give him the "Mom-Interrogation" (ex: Anything going on w/school?, how's your best buddy?, Anything bothering you you'd wanna talk about? etc.) I'm guessing he already knows disrespectful behavior = consequence, yeah? Handle that normally, but keep a close eye for anything out of the ordinary with him, he is YOUR son, you know him best, Mama. As far as him being "out of control" don't forget you're pregnant, and no matter how many times you've traveled the PG road, each journey is different. Are you having any specific stresses this time around? Anything out of the ordinary? You could just have a lower patience level, who knows?! I hope for your, and your son's, sake things can be figured out, so that you can get back to a beneficial family environment. Good luck, Mama!

OTHERS:
It really saddens me that the OP asked for suggestions to deal with temper tantrums and disrespect, but most of what she got was judgement on her parenting style and choices. Not supportive, people. Nor was it even constructive criticism.

Many of you are totally appalled about an 8 year old doing dishes. I'm sorry, but are you freaking kidding me? Do you have dishes that are family relics that you use everyday or something? This is very confusing to me. I don't understand your shock or horror. However, just because I don't understand it, doesn't make it WRONG . . . it just makes it DIFFERENT. I really hope one day Mothers and Fathers of the world will understand: Just because someone parents DIFFERENTLY it doesn't automatically equate with WRONG.

And as far as the whole he's 8 y.o. let him be a kid: My eldest sister had a JOB at 9. By her own choosing. She's always been an ambitious, forward thinking, strong person. She wanted to earn extra money, and was too young to babysit. So, she got a paper route. She'd get up @ 5 am, wrap and stuff papers (with her siblings help, yes we got a tiny cut, too!) and get on her bike to throw 'em. My Mom followed her in the car, everyday.

Now, you wanna talk about a Mom doing something AWESOME for her child, as far as life lessons?! My mother was a single parent of FOUR. But she got up with my sister, every day during appropriate weather, for TWO years, because my sister wanted to earn extra money.

My sister is now a college graduate, employed teacher with a massive savings account and probably the most responsible, level-headed, fun, and HAPPIEST person I know!

Maybe I'm missing something but doing something like dishes is something of a life skill, in my opinion. Taking care of one's home environment is key to one's personal well-being. Shouldn't that be something taught early on, instead of thrown on them once they're on their own?

Good luck to you all in your parenting endeavors.