8 year old is hating school /very anxious and upset

[Bevziibubble]

Holly is very anxious about school at the moment. Since she started year 4 she has been struggling and saying that she hates school. Last night she was crying saying she can't explain how much she hates it, she feels like no one understands, she hates the work. We reassure her that grades don't matter and she said she doesn't mind what grades she gets but she hates the actual work because it's so hard and she's so worried about how much harder it's going to get. She's finding the lessons so hard that at breaktimes she's just sitting on a bench and de-stressing rather than playing with her friends. We've told her that while she has to do the actual work and there's nothing we can do about that fact, we will try to help her through how to deal with it emotionally. One of the issues is that her teacher tells the class the lesson plans for the next day, so Holly is already worrying from that point about what the next day will bring. She's waking up in the mornings with a sense of dread when it's not the weekend, and she's getting upset on Sundays. I feel sick with anxiety myself for her as I know how horrible it is to feel that dread and anxiety, but at such a young age too. Schools expect way too much too young.

I'm going to speak to her teacher this morning and ask if there is some kind of school counsellor that she can go to because she really needs some help with this, she has a lot on her shoulders and it's all getting too much for her at a young age. We can't change the fact that she has to do the work no matter how boring or hard she finds it but we need to work towards a way to help her manage her anxiety and to live in the present more instead of fearing what has not yet happened. I do hope her teacher will be helpful. I know her teacher cares but I know they're limited in what they can do to help emotionally when they have a whole class of kids too. I'm hoping I can talk to her teacher one without crying and two put it precisely enough so that the teacher understands in the time limits that we have at the classroom door with all the other kids going in.

I really want to help her through this and to give her the coping skills before this becomes a much bigger issue

 

[kittiecat]

Oh poor Holly. I’ve got no advice from the Mum POV but I can identify so much. As a child I suffered horrible anxiety related to school, especially in year 5 when I had a horrible teacher. I really hope they have a school counsellor who can help as there was nothing when I was a child. But hopefully times have changed since then. No child should ever have to feel sick with anxiety about school

 

[Bevziibubble]

It's horrible, I hate seeing her like this. It makes me feel so helpless not being able to fix it for her.

I spoke to Holly's teacher this morning. She seemed very concerned for her as she said Holly seems to be doing well and very happy at school. She said we can't have her bring so anxious though as that's no good at this age.she's going to get Holly to sit with Julia today for a talk. Julia is a kind of school counsellor and she helps kids who are struggling. I've asked Holly to please be honest with her and not be scared. She's worried she's going to get into trouble if she says she hates school, but I've told her that she won't be in trouble and the more open she is the more they will be able to help.

 

[Rags]

Oh Bev, I'm so sorry to hear Holly is having a hard time. I'm glad you managed to speak to her teacher this morning, hopefully that's the start of things improving. I don't have a daughter, and I'm generalising a bit, but I will say that my sister said with all 3 of her girls things began to change with them, and the other girls in the class, round about p5 (Scotland) which I think is the equivalent of your year 4. It was lots of things, workload, expectations they put on themselves, changing friendship and the way they all related to each other, some seeming to mature much quicker (emotionally and physically). It seemed to be a real mile stone age of transition from infants end to the big end. You sound as though you're dealing with it well, not putting pressure on her, giving her opportunity to talk and space when that's what she needs, hopefully the school will take it on board and offer her the reassurance she needs there.

 

[Bevziibubble]

Thank you It does seem to be a significant milestone where they change. Holly is in year 4 now and I can see big changes since September, the school seem a bit stricter on them, the work is harder etc. It makes me so sad because it feels like only yesterday that she was a toddler and now she's going through all this

 

[kittiecat]

Hope talking to Julia helps

 

[DobbyForever]

Big hugs! I’m so sorry. Hoping the counselor can help

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Does holly need glasses? Get picked on? Have development issues? I ask because she could be anxious because she needs help but can't explain it.

Can the school break down her work into smaller chunks? Give her a cool down break?

 

[Bevziibubble]

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Does holly need glasses? Get picked on? Have development issues? I ask because she could be anxious because she needs help but can't explain it.

Can the school break down her work into smaller chunks? Give her a cool down break?

She has eye tests each year and the last one came back fine. I don't think she has development issues but she did miss a lot of school with the lockdown so they're playing catch up now. I think the school as with every school these days just expect too much from the kids. She's very popular and tends to get on with everyone and not get picked on, but she's been spending time alone in the playground as she just wants to unwind after class rather than play with friends

Holly met with the school counsellor yesterday and she was quite open and they had a good chat about things. She helped Holly with ways that she could practise relaxing at home rather than focusing on school. She said anytime Holly feels stressed or anxious in class she can just ask her teacher and they'll let her go and see the counsellor for help and a chat.

 

[DobbyForever]

Glad to hear she was comfortable opening up! Can the counselor see her regularly 1 on 1 or in a group? I don’t know if this will help but I adore our district behavior specialist. She’s always posting the cutest things, this month was a self care bingo. Maybe when she gets bingo there can be a fun mother daughter self care activity? I didn’t read

 

[DobbyForever]

Ok don’t know how I broke it so trying again

 

[Bevziibubble]

Thank you for the self care bingo. They are great ideas and I will look into them with her

She can see the counsellor regularly one on one. I'm hoping that she will be open enough to share her anxieties regularly with her instead of letting them build up like they have been doing.

 

[DobbyForever]

Glad you like them! I have to make a point to do it myself when I’m on winter break hehe.

That’s so awesome! I love that they’re really moving to make sure she’s got all the resources she needs. Mindfulness is such an underrated tool. Takes time but it’s great so hopefully she continues to enjoy it

 

[kittiecat]

Am glad the meeting with the counsellor went well

 

[topazicatzbet]

The school should be able to help with this. Ds2 struggles with school and anxiety and they put him in a mentoring program to teach him to recognise when he is getting g stressed and when to ask for help. It has really helped him and he no longer needs to go. He is in year 5 now and things are just starting to click for him.

 

[Bevziibubble]

The school should be able to help with this. Ds2 struggles with school and anxiety and they put him in a mentoring program to teach him to recognise when he is getting g stressed and when to ask for help. It has really helped him and he no longer needs to go. He is in year 5 now and things are just starting to click for him.

That sounds very useful. I'm glad it is helping. I will ask my daughter's teacher if they could consider something like this.