A bit of a moan - swift kick needed!

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by Jellybaby100, Nov 14, 2011.

  1. Jellybaby100

    Jellybaby100 Well-Known Member

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    Sit tight - this is a moan!!

    I dont post very often, but I think writing this down will help me feel better!

    I am nearly 33 weeks pregnant, and I am starting to find things a little bit harder having had it ridiculously easy for the past 33 weeks...My Husband is usually pretty good, and does his share of stuff round the house (except when we have his family to stay - but dont get me started on that!).

    I am a 31 year old career driven woman, I love my job and the work that I do; but I am starting to get worried now (as I am finding general 'life' a bit harder) that I cant be superwoman, and I can't do everything.

    I find that my husband isn't *that* understanding of my potential non- superwoman status and doesn't perhaps do as much as he can - if I mention it, he lists things that he has done (ie, he sat for hours on my laptop installing a new version of itunes when we were trying to go out- I was happy with the told one!!) yet every day I get up an hour before him, feed all the animals, let the hens out, take him a coffee in bed and then leave for work (Am out the house 07.45-18.30 every day) I am then responsible for cooking the evening meal. His main job round the house is the laundry which at msot is 3 loads a week.

    I am supposed to be working till 39 weeks, primarily because I want the money and although he's not putting any pressure on me, indirectly it feels as though he is because he kind of *expects* that I will be fine and dandy and that the whole rest of the pregnancy will be a breeze. He is convinced that the birth will be a doddle...I am less convinced - and again put enourmous amounts of pressure on myself to make it seem as easy as possible.

    All I can do is recall other husbands with their wives when they were at the stage I am, and they all seem (in my memory) to have been so so much more supportive of their wives than mine is of me. He never asks how I am feeling, he never offers to do anything in addition to what he is supposed to do, expects so much of me (for instance he made fun of me when we were out walking with the dog that I didn't want to take a particularly hilly and steep path) that I am feeling pressured about the weeks ahead and the birth. I am fed up with feeling like I am nagging him to help with stuff, when I ask him too - he has very much his own agenda.

    Can someone give me a HUGE slap round the chops, tell me to stop wallowing, and that he is not that bad, and that I need a massive kick up the derrier and told to 'get on with it'!!!

    Thanks in advance...

    JB xx
     
  2. Chasesmommy

    Chasesmommy Well-Known Member

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    I definitely feel your pain. My OH literally NEVER cleans our house or does laundry. BUT I'll be honest: I don't want him doing it! The last time he tried to do laundry all he put in the water was Borax. He didn't understand why his work clothes were still dirty! HA! I completely blame my MIL because she raised her boys to be dependent on her. Also I have this complex because he is supporting us financially and does a damn good job at it. He works 90 hour weeks doing back breaking work and comes home covered in oil. He never complains and always has a smile on his face. The least I could do is pick up the house right? I mean I work a full time job but he gets paid literally three times as much as I do.

    BUT you deserve a break! And the whole bit about him not asking how you're feeling and making fun of you for not wanting to take the hilly path would piss me off! He could probably be a little more empathetic.

    good luck and don't worry, most of us are irritated with the men right now!
     
  3. Pocketmonster

    Pocketmonster Well-Known Member

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    Can I ask have you been to antenatal classes yet??

    I was thinking similar thoughts about my OH although I admit he is very good generally anyway and helps out with LOADS of stuff. Doing all the decorating and cooking and generally enabling me to take it easy and allowing me to focus on my career job as he knows my 9 - 5 is fairly stressful...

    But I did wonder sometimes whether he fully understood the strain my body was under and how difficult like you I was finding the later stages. Roughly 32 weeks for me!!

    Sorry I've started to ramble but my point is at antenatal, everyone spoke openly about being uncomfortable and the problems and difficulties various people were having. And obviously seeing other ladies looking (not to be rude) but a little tired and uncomfy made him really realise it wasn't just me!!!

    Since then the last couple of weeks he has been going overboard to make sure I'm comfortable and even the odd unprompted back rub....

    x x x
     
  4. Jellybaby100

    Jellybaby100 Well-Known Member

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    We finished our NCT ante natal recently, it just confirmed to him how easy I was having it compared to others and seems to have further entrenched his vision of my superwoman status!!!

    Ah well, I'll have a nice Bath when I get home, probably blub a bit while I am in it, and then cook our supper, before sitting down on the sofa.....

    I think I am overly tired and rather emotional today!

    JB x
     
  5. Pocketmonster

    Pocketmonster Well-Known Member

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    Aaaawww no! You've been your own worst enemy being soooo super efficient!! I've been lucky it opened my OH's eyes to how difficult things really are!

    I think it is soooo hard for some people to understand sometimes, when on the outside everyone keeps telling me how well I look....they don't understand how difficult some things are and how tiring being pregnant really is!

    Enjoy your bath and have a good blub.....maybe just suggest what you were thinking for dinner and suggest it would be lovely if he could get the dinner started whilst you have a soak and you'll finish it off when your out?

    With any luck drag your bath out a little longer could be ready and waiting by the time your out!!! ;o)

    x x x x
     
  6. flippityflop

    flippityflop Well-Known Member

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    Oh Jellybaby I feel your pain. My OH sounds like yours to be honest, but I have to admit I have noticed he has been a little *bit* more understanding recently. His job is to get up and walk the dogs and walk them when he gets home from work. Yes, he gets up at 4.45 to walk them, goes to work, gets home after work and walking the dogs at 7.20pm. He has a long day.

    I get up at 6am, leave at 7.20am and get home by 7.20pm as I have a longer commute. But then I cook dinner, clean up, do all the housework and laundry and he seems to think we do equal shares! He does offer to help me occasionally but I just know that he will play the martyr.

    I am dreading what he is going to be like when I'm on maternity leave before the baby comes. I just want to rest. I want to literally have days where I don't get dressed and sit on my big fat bum all day. But he will come home and expect the house to be clean (I would say spotless, but we are never spotless!) and will get moody if I have done my arse sitting routine that day, I just know it.

    But as the days go on I do think he realises that its getting harder for me, and I have tried really hard not to complain too much this pregnancy and he says I haven't been that bad but I just want him to realise that just because I am not at work and at home, I am EXHAUSTED as I am carrying 2 stone extra in weight and growing his son and want to just sit down.

    But no, I won't give you a slap round the chops as you don't deserve it! Your OH does xx
     
  7. Jellybaby100

    Jellybaby100 Well-Known Member

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    I think I have been too efficient at this preggo malarkey - I dont know how my OH would have coped had I had problems, or had I not been so 'fine' as I have been.

    So looking forward to my bath and blub later.....no point in dragging it out as he wont have made the supper! If he has, then something is wrong!!!!

    Ah well, maybe after a good blub superwoman will be back....? Here's hoping!:thumbup:

    JB x
     
  8. truly_blessed

    truly_blessed Loving being a new mummy

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    DF is really good and almost always does all the cooking anyway but getting him to clean the house is a totally different matter. It really needs cleanig as we have wooden floors and a dog so it gets quite dusty and the dog haris accumulate. First of all he talked about getting his mum to help him then he talked about getting a cleaner in, which he says he'll pay for but I know after the first time he'll say he can't afford it, and to be honest he can't. Last month he'd said to go to the salon for a bikini wax and he'd pay from now on (he used to help me but I can't see anymore lol). I need to go again and, as suspected, his response was 'can it wait 2 weeks until I get paid'. It's £10, the cleaner would be about £25!

    Anyway I know I'll end up trying to clean myself and over do it but my brother is coming at the weekend and the house is a disgrace so it needs to be done.
     
  9. Jellybaby100

    Jellybaby100 Well-Known Member

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    Oh dear we sound like a right bunch eh?!?!

    Still, they do their bit - in a fashion!!!

    JB x
     
  10. truly_blessed

    truly_blessed Loving being a new mummy

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    they do ... but they coudl do a bit more given what we're going through, I mean he went fishing all day yesterday :haha:
     
  11. Jellybaby100

    Jellybaby100 Well-Known Member

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    Oh dear....!!

    We had ante natal; then people round, and then I cooked dinner, while he sat and chatted to his Mum.....he was probably 'tired'...bless him.

    I dread to think how useless he will be when sprog arrives - He is so unbelievablye USELESS in the mornings, looks like I wont be getting a lie in for about the next 5 years..........

    God, the more I think about it, the more cross I get!!!

    God, its goooooood to vent!!!

    JB xx
     
  12. truly_blessed

    truly_blessed Loving being a new mummy

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    I'm just going on strike when LO gets here, that's it, if anything wants doing, he'll have to do it ... or get his mum to do it
     
  13. Jellybaby100

    Jellybaby100 Well-Known Member

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    Hah - I wish!

    His family do bugger all when they come to stay. His brother and family are the worse - they didn't lift a finger when they stayed recently.....dreading them coming back once the LO is here.....I might shout at them....at least I could blame it on hormones!

    My MUm - thankgod - is coming after LO is born so she can do the cooking and cleaning.....no doubt OH will be doing somehting 'vital' like talking to his mum on the phone......anyone else find that they conveniently make a phone call whenever there is any work to be done?!

    JB x

    JB x
     
  14. wishful1

    wishful1 Well-Known Member

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    I could have written this post myself . . . "I find that my husband isn't *that* understanding of my potential non- superwoman status" . . .

    I do all our farm chores, work 40-50 hrs a week, and manage to cook dinner / clean house etc. In his defense my hubby also works long hours and has been busy putting a new floor in the nursery. I painted the entire nursery myself already though . . .

    I feel like he is so used to me being very strong & self sufficient he doesn't realize how hard this is . . . I asked him to help me the other day with farm chores and he "didn't have time" so I had to them by myself in the dark after a 10 hr work day BEFORE heading to class for the evening. It had me in tears.

    I have tried talking to him about it, but it all just sounds like whining . . .

    Dear, you don't need a slap . .. we need some help around here ;-)
     
  15. JackiePed

    JackiePed Guest

    I find that sometimes I almost do myself a disservice when I get TOO 'Superwoman'-y... and then I wonder why my husband isn't fawning over me.
    I used to get frustrated about this in college, too... when friends would all be somewhere and guys would trip over themselves to help my gorgeous blonde helpless friend out of a car, a boat, down a step, carry something, etc.... and not me as much. I'd think "WTH!! Am I just a guy or something??" But then one time I found myself saying to a guy in response to something, "It's fine, I'm not going to go home and cry about it..." and he chuckled and said, "You don't cry!!"

    ...and it hit me... I am SO independent that I sort of do this to myself.

    Don't get me wrong... you shouldn't change that, per se... It is YOU... you seem to treasure that part of your identity, and I'm sure that's much of what he loves about you. Strong and independent. There is so much to be said for a women like you.

    But... he just may not realize what you really need. You'll have to tell him. I have to do that with my husband. He's not a lazy ass, he's just accustomed to me flitting about our life and taking care of alot of things, and he's also accustomed to me 'suffering in silence' through pregnancy. So when it finally DOES get hard (right about now), I pretty much have to grin and say, "Ok... it's hard now. I need you." ...and of course he steps up. I don't whine or make him feel badly, I'm pretty matter of fact about it. "I can't do as much, I'm going to need you to step in, babe."

    Yours will too. He just needs to know. Do NOT worry about your 'Superwoman status'. As much as I'm sure you treasure your 'Superwoman' identity, you WILL crack if you don't allow yourself to recognize and be honest when you need a break from that role. He knows you. He knows you're not a whiner, a lazy woman, or a drama-queen. IF after letting him know what you need, he's not willing... that's a different story and must be addressed if your relationship is to stay strong.

    Chances are, he'll be glad he's needed. :hugs:
     

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