A bit uncertain... (TMI)

[FemmeFatal]

There is just so much racing through my mind at this point and I don't really know where to start. OH and I are WTT for various reason, much like everyone else and of course it drives me crazy. Most of you know that I fell pregnant back in late April, but lost the baby in early June at 7w3d. My periods went back to normal almost instantly, back to a regular 28 days without fail.

Well... On Monday (21 Septembre) OH and I had an accident in our pull out method. We generally have a plan of what we are going to do when he finishes and he makes certain let me know when he is going to so that we don't have an accident. On this day, he didn't let me know the way he usually does and being that I was on top he wasn't in control to pull out as fast. Needless to say, we slipped.

My last AF 27 August through 30 August, so I would have been due on 24 Septembre. Being that the slip was only days off from AF wouldn't cause many any concern, but I am worried our one slip may have been the only one needed. When I got pregnant back in April it happened a few days into AF. I think I may be one to ovulate rather late in the cycle. Aside from just that, AF didn't show on the 24th as it should have. Normally I spot very lightly a day or two before AF then full on the day I expect it. This time I spotted the first few days of AF and it is now towards the end and it hasn't been nearly as heavy as it should be. I've also noticed that there haven't been any clots, just blood though not a whole lot of it. Getting into the more gory details, I've left a tampon out for ever 24 hours to monitor how much blood there really is and what consistency. During a normal AF I would need a pad if I left a tampon out, but not this time, I only notice blood when I have to use the bathroom. Even then it just comes out when I pee but when I wipe there really isn't much there to wipe away.

I'm not asking anyone to tell me for certain whether or not I am pregnant as I know a test is the only way to tell. But being the fact that it is so soon I wouldn't be able to tell for another while so testing now is pointless. I'm just asking for opinions. I haven't the slightest idea what to think. It may be nothing but then again it may be something. *sigh* My head is so boggled.

 

[bubbles]

it is a possibility hun but then it could be that your thinking about it and worrying which could make af lighter. All you can do is wait it out for a week and then test, if you need to talk or rant or anything I'm here xx

 

[FemmeFatal]

I appreciate that. I didn't worry about it or even put much thought towards the idea until AF didn't show on the 24th like it should have other than light spotting. The idea has become more prominent as AF has failed to show it's normal self.

 

[lovehearts]

aww hunni, best thing you can do it wait a few days and then test. I hope everything works out the way you hope it does x

 

[FemmeFatal]

Waiting is the hardest part. I was going to hold off till Thursday, but I'm not sure if I can. It was a week ago today, so I'm thinking of testing tomorrow but I worry about it being too early or it just being an accurate negative. The more I try not to be hopeful, the more hopeful I seem to get.

I realize it only takes one slip, but I'm not that lucky.

 

[Summerbee]

Don't wait if you don't want to, I understand being terrified of getting a BFN but just try to concentrate on it happening one day, and if it doesn't happen now, then someday it will. Your not prepared for it now, there's a reason your waiting, and although I am sure you will be thrilled if it's your turn for your BFP, there's nothing wrong with following your original plan either. Hope ur ok x x

 

[fuffyburra]

I really hope you are that lucky *fingers crossed for you!* And try to hold off testing, because as you said it'll only upset you if you do it too soon. Best of luck m'lovely *showers with a truckload of babydust* xx

 

[FemmeFatal]

Thank you much for the baby dust. I'm just letting the idea of being pregnant slip out of my head. I may or may not test this week, though I think I am just going to let it all go and just go about the next 28 days as though this thought never crossed my mind. If AF doesn't show on time then I'll test, till then I'm just going to go on the thought that I am not pregnant. I want nothing more than to see a BFP this month, but it just seems so unlikely. I still secretly hope.

You all are so wonderful, thank you.

 

[fuffyburra]

Good plan, I won't say another word *zips mouth shut* lol xx

 

[FemmeFatal]

lol It's a good plan in theory, following through with the not thinking about it is far easier said than done... It's hazardous to the brain. I have two tests sitting around being oh so tempting... It's a matter of being able to hold out now.

 

[fuffyburra]

If it's any consolation, you are so much stronger than I am!
Keep strong, you can do it! xx

 

[bubbles]

What brand test are they? different brands have different sensitivity xx

 

[FemmeFatal]

It's the Walgreens brand. I tested this morning, as I couldn't hold off, and it was negative. OH believes that is our definite answer but I wonder. Of course I wonder, since that isn't what I want to hear. I plan to test again a few days before AF is due again since by then if there was anything I would definitely get a positive by that point. Honestly, I'm depressed, but that is to be expected. Last night I had a dream about taking a test that came out positive. Also I felt terrible last night, I was nauseated in my chest and light headed if I sat up too long. Of course I'm just betting this is all in my head rather than anything of significance. I'm just being silly. Thank you all for your support.

 

[Summerbee]

Of course I'm just betting this is all in my head rather than anything of significance. I'm just being silly. Thank you all for your support.

You are NOT being silly!!! I doubt there's a single woman on these boards who hasn't once thought she had pregnancy symptoms, and was infact coming on or just plain got a BFN. We all do it, it's natural, and I certainly don't think your silly in the slightest.

I can completely relate to testing just because it's not what you want to see lol, I've done it on more than a few occassions!! You WILL get a BFP at some point, if not now then in the future, just focus on that. It's so hard when your not TTC but you slip up enough to make you think hm just maybe... I hope your okay, wait a few more days and see what happens, but please don't feel silly, because your not - at all. x

 

[FemmeFatal]

Summerbee, thank you so much for your words. What you said honestly made me feel a great deal better, that is until my thoughts take over again. Considering the fact that I am WTT, I suppose I'm not being all that silly. Though I can't help but feel as though I'm just being silly. I suppose it feels silly because I'm frustrated. At this point I feel like I don't even know my body anymore. As a woman I feel that I should know these things, I should be able to have a "feeling" as to what is going on in my own body, but I don't. I'm as confused and clueless as ever.

I bought two more tests last night, so I now have enough tests to last me through when I should be do for AF. The plan is to test once a week until I either get a BFP or AF shows.

Thank you again. You've calmed me down for the night. I'm just so overly emotional right now. Thoughts can be extremely suffocating sometimes and I just don't feel I can talk to OH about this.

 

[BigPlans2010]

I hope you get the result that's best for you. We are also waiting for a reason, but deep down I would love it if nature did its thing and took the decision out of our hands!

 

[bunnyg82]

x

 

[FemmeFatal]

Another three days until I test again and the waiting is agony. I keep telling myself that this is all in my head and that I need to stop symptom spotting and stop second guessing my every thought.

This entire week I have felt like complete crap. I've had headaches on and off for days for no apparent reason, I'm borderline tears at the silliest of things, at work my patience seems thinner and my anxiety skyrockets for no reason at all. I've been experiencing minor cramps, which is quite new to me as I have never been one to get cramps, I feel extremely bloated and am having a hard time sucking in my tummy, from time to time I feel nauseous either in my head or chest, and I've been congested on and off. Talk about severe symptom spotting.

When I was pregnant back in April I didn't experience any of this, at least not until after I got my BFP unless I just didn't notice beforehand. I'm starting to think my mind is severely playing tricks on me. I'm finding it hard to wait the extra couple of days before testing again, as I'm sure you all understand. I'm debating whether or not I just want to test in the morning and then wait another week? *sigh* I'm going crazy.

 

[fuffyburra]

I do that every month since my m/c lol, I think we all do Test whenever's right for you, and best of luck xx

 

[fuffyburra]

Ps. Let us know, I forgot to add that bit lol xx