A few serious body issues?

[TashaAndBump]

I'm feeling quite down about my image lately. And not just my flabby belly or my stretchmarks, either

I feel so generally ugly and unattractive that I can't even bring myself to buy new clothes (which I desparately need - I have 3 pairs of trousers - one of which is a maternit pair!) because I just can't see myself looking good in anything. Whenever I go shopping, I look at the clothes and think that they would look fine on anyone but me. I feel like it's a waste of time, and buying new clothes would be a waste - because they would only have me in them. I feel so down about this that I'm begining to wonder if it's some sort of postnatal depression or just depression in general?

I'm begining to feel like it's hardly worth straightening my hair or making any kind of effort with my appearance because I will still always look like crap.

I feel like I will never be attractive or sexy again. I'm still young - I'm not even gonna be 20 for another 6 months! I should be beautiful and I should be wearing short skirts and bikinis - I can't even bring myself to buy a pair of reasonable length shorts, and I feel like a granny, hiding a saggy mummy pouch in my swim suit - which, btw does NOTHING for my breasts - they fall to either side and rest in my arm pits with a 6 inch cleavage between them!

I feel like my sex life is ruined. DH tried it on tonight but I just kept thinking about how unattractive I was and thinking of all the reasons he might be trying - other than wanting me - like he must have an alterior motive - ultimately in my mind I think the prevailing idea is that he is pittying me and trying to make me think I am still attractive - it must me such a burden I turned him down... I don't know if I will ever enjoy sex again.

Does anyone else feel like this?! Surely at 19 years old life shouldn't be like this?? I feel like my life as a young woman is over - and now I'm just an ugly, and unattractive thing. I'm not a person anymore - just a mother and a wife

Please say that this feeling will go away in time?! I feel so lost right now

 

[orange-sox]

I don't really belong here, but I couldn't even read the title without coming and giving you a massive

I don't actually have any experience of postnatal body issues, but I have really struggled with my body in the past, and we are the same age so I guess what I wanted to say is... you are really beautiful as you are, you don't need to wear short skirts or a bikini to make it so.

On the swimsuit issue, don't know if you fall into their sizes, but have you tried somewhere like bravissimo for a supportive tankini? Doesn't show anything off, but you can hide your tummy till you feel confident to flaunt your stuff, and they have some really nice styles that will do wonders for your cleavage and your confidence. Clothes wise, the main thing when it comes to being sexy, is your confidence. I don't look sexy in a skirt (mostly because I have fat thighs lol) but also because I am not comfortable in it, and it shows. You should love your body hun... and mr bump isn't taking pity on you, he loves you more than life itself, and maybe sometimes because Anna is getting all the attention you feel like you just produced her and your work is now done.

Basically I'm saying, you are wonderful, and I've just babbled on a bit, but most of all, I think you're a fabulous example to all "young mums" (I hate that wording but you get what I mean...)

 

[luckyme225]

I feel the exact same way, I went to try on clothes the other day and just came home and cried. It's hard to hide my post baby pouch, it always seems to poke out. Most days I don't get out of my pajamas because I feel horrible when I see myself in clothes. I mostly just throw up my hair and I only wear makeup when I go out. I have been working out 40 minutes a day for a month now but I still feel like I look the same way. I'm worried that I will never feel beautiful again, even when my OH says I look gorgeous I just can't seem to believe him. I hope with time I will be able to accept my new body but I know that wont be anytime soon.

 

[cheeky_carrie]

oh hunni your gorgeous your just having a really rough time at the moment and i cant blame you for feeling down, maybe you should mention to doc how your feeling see what they say??

Im feeling the same way mind you, Ive put on a load of weight with this baby due to many factors and its bringing me down as well I just think if I lose some weight I might cheer up but if i do lose some and feel the same Im gonna see someone as I refuse to go thru depression again

 

[sam's mum]

It does sound like depression - having seen a photo of you the other day, I have to say you look amazing...not at all like you've just given birth a couple of months ago. And I'm sure your DH will agree with me - when we feel this bad about ourselves it's hard to believe that anyone else could think differently though.

Might be worth having a chat with your doctor? x

 

[TashaAndBump]

I feel the exact same way, I went to try on clothes the other day and just came home and cried. It's hard to hide my post baby pouch, it always seems to poke out. Most days I don't get out of my pajamas because I feel horrible when I see myself in clothes. I mostly just throw up my hair and I only wear makeup when I go out. I have been working out 40 minutes a day for a month now but I still feel like I look the same way. I'm worried that I will never feel beautiful again, even when my OH says I look gorgeous I just can't seem to believe him. I hope with time I will be able to accept my new body but I know that wont be anytime soon.

Same!

Thanks girls... I'm gonna see how I go. If things don't improve I may ask my dr to refer me to a therapist, as like Cheeky_Carrie said, I too refuse to go through depression again when life can be so wonderful.

That being said, I do feel great about other areas of my life - and I love being mummy! I'm so happy with my little family: I sit here and think about small things that make me so unbelievably happy - Like the other day when we put Anna in her bouncy chair in the kitchen, and me and Dominic made dinner together... I love my little family and every small thing about it makes me so unbelievably happy.

It's just my body that is making me feel pessimistic and down in the dumps. So much so that it's making me question every small thing - I crave for Dom to tell me I'm beautiful, and then when he does I throw it back in his face with "No I'm not - Stop lying to me!" and because I see DHs statement of "God, you're gorgeous" as a lie - I wonder if I can trust him - which is HORRIBLE - I feel like he's lying and untrustworthy, when all he is trying to do is make me feel BETTER and good about myself. I'm such a horrid moody cow

I hope things get better soon.

 

[Margerle]

I feel the same way too



One thing I want to try to caution you on, is being so dismissive of Dom's compliments to you, and his trying to 'love', and make love to you.

My husband sounds very similar, and he'll often tell me I'm beautiful. I often hear that and wonder what could POSSIBLY be beautiful about me... I've got tit stains from leaking let-down, my ass is as wide as the doorway, I've got flab everywhere, my hair is blah from not doing anything with it...

Yah honny, right, I'm beautiful.

But, maybe the men that love us, see how nurturing and gentle we are with their children, and maybe for even an instant they see beauty and feel compelled to comment on it.

Maybe we've got curves just where they like it now... Not all men like the pinup perfect look of a woman. And I think a lot of women delude themselves into thinking that's what beautiful is. (Including myself).

As far as the making love... it's kinda like exercise. You need to even when you don't feel like it (this is under normal circumstances of every day life... not illnesses, or other things that would make us unavailable to bond with our husbands). Making love will give you hormones that will help you to feel BETTER. There are chemicals semen that help make women happier... (if you want the article citation, I'll have to dig it up ). Yes there's a baby right now, but you and Dom were before baby... and you and Dom need to take care of eachother's love and affection as much as the babys. Don't drift apart.

I'm carefull to make sure DH and I have decent 'us' time every day. Even if it's just cuddling at night in bed after baby went to sleep. This was really frustrating for me right after baby was born, because her sleep/eat schedule was so erratic, and DH needed to go to bed... I often came much later (if at all). We both started to feel very distant from one another, and so I try a lot harder now to keep the 'us' time a priority.

Anyway, another long winded one from ole Marge... Hang in there hon... you ARE BEAUTIFUL.

 

[Holldoll]

I feel the same way. I went and tried on clothes to find pants that fit me and nothing would fit me but a size 12. I've never even worn close to a 12! I wanted to go home and cry, but then I decided, who cares what size I am right now, I bought two pairs that fit and look great on me. Also, with the styles that are popular right now, I found some shirts that hide my belly.

 

[luckyme225]

Tasha I feel the same way! I'm so happy to have such a wonderful family, I couldn't ask for more. I just hate the way I look. I'm sure it will get better for us, as they say 9 months to put it on 9 months to take it off, gggrrr I would feel much better if my stretch marks would start to fade a little faster! I'm also worried about how saggy my boobs will be once I stop breastfeeding, eek!

Holldoll- I now wear size 12 pants as well, I hope I can at least go down to a size seven again with these big hips! Dark jeans are my new best friend.

 

[~KACI~]

I've had a bit of this but slowly but surely i'm startin to feel better about myself, one thing i would say is when you get round to goin clothes shopping try things that you wouldn't usually, I bought a pair of skinny jeans that OH thought would look good , i hated them but no love them- my bum looks so pert(when it really isn't)
At the end of the day anna is only 3 months, like luckyme said 9months on, 9 off x x

 

[missjess]

Feel the same... Even though I've lost quite a lot of weight I still have stretch marks on my LEGS.. And I have the biggest hips in the universe. I use to wear a size 2 and 4 but now I wear size 10. I've got a pouch too which looks awful.

My husband says he loves me the way I am, but I'm sure if he could chose between my old body and my current body, he'd chose the old one.

 

[lorrilou]

i think its only natural that you feel this way, u've not long had a baby.

i must admit i feel like this some days and its awful. as for the swimsuit thing, im totally the same, nicole is 5 and i have never been able to take her swimming which i hate myself for but the thought of anyone seeing me in a bikini/swimsuit makes me wanna puke!!

by the way u look abslutely great for just having a baby and your only young, loadsa time to get back into shape hun!! took me 2 years after nicole!!

 

[vicky]

size 10 size 12 whats that size never heard of it???

hehe, i'm a size 16 hun well inbetween a size 14-16 and after kira i'm not losing it as quick as i did with kacy.

my hubby tells me i'm beautiful and i don't believe me and i moan about that i feel fat and ugly.

but remember hun your beautiful baby is 3 months old, its going to take time hun like they say 9 months on 9 months off.

You are beautiful hun every one is beautiful.

 

[Deise]

Im completely devastated about the way I look and Im not afraid to admit that its making me depressed. Im used to being a size 5, now Im a 12. I feel like Im gonna stay like this forever. Im disgusted with the way I look. I always ran around naked, now I wont even change in front of my OH. My only salvation is that I got away without stretch marks, but Im afraid that I'll end up with a saggy stomach. I am however, very motivated to exercise and Im trying to talk my OH into getting me an elliptical trainer.

 

[Ratty]

its my loss of muscle thats getting me down. I tried doing some of my old exercises with my ball the other day and I couldn't do them. If it was a case of me just struggling a bit more fine, but I couldn't do them at all! I used to have a nice six pack

I was also getting miserable having to still wear my maternity jeans so I went and bought a pair of nice low cut jeans (doesn't push the flabby stomach up) that fit me now and immediately I felt so much better, more human. Also bought a nice top which can fit over my huge boobs.