A first post, and need some advice

[sacha]

This is my first post on this forum and I hope it's in the right place. I really wanted some impartial advaice from people who dont know me.

6 weeks ago I had a serious accident when kicked in the face by a horse. Was in hospital, had to have surgery etc (and more to come). I wasnt taking the pill while in hospital of course and stupidly didnt restart when I got home, kept thinking I'd get round to it soon. I starting thinking recently that I couldnt remember having a period since the accident so half jokingly (after all I wouldnt get pregnant) bought a pregnancy testing kit from Boots (own brand) yesterday. The first test showed a strong horizontal blue line and a faint vertical one. The second one I did a few hours later showed the same and when I looked again this morning (in disbelief) the vertical lines looked a lot darker. So went to the doctors andam now waiting for the results of a blood test to confirm I am pregnant.

My question is this
this is a totally unplanned pregnancy. I'm 35 and been with my partner for 8 years. I gave up my FT job (with horses)before my accident to go part time and the PT work covers our small rented cottage and stables and land for my horses. With the rest of my time I was going to focus on expanding our own horse business (breeding and training horses). Of course my accident has meant things are really tight financially and my OH has been doing all the horses and not actually earning any money as such.
I always said if I somehow got pregnant I was terminate it as I dont want children, I am too selfish, they dont fit in with my lifestyle etc. My OH does want another child (he has 2 from his previous relationship and is wonderful with them) but he'd never pressurise me. But since that blue line showed up there is a little seed of doubt that maybe I should think about the possibility of having this child

I can think of a 100 reasons not to have one - money and space being a major one. We rent 2 one bed room cottages that are side by side and trying to have a baby here seems impossible. I need to be working with the horses to earn money and its what I love, its my obsession. And we are so skint trying to get a new business off the ground and with my accident how the hell could I risk having another mouth to feed

Can I just ask for any opinions on unplanned pregnancies, I didnt expect this little seed of doubt and I am panicing like mad

 

[Vickie]

First of all welcome to the forum. Unfortunately no one can really tell you what to do. You and your other half are going to have to have a good talk and find out how you both feel about the pregnancy. It's really a very personal decision as to whether you decide to keep the baby or not. Good luck with whatever you decide

 

[miel]

i agree with vickie...take your time and good communication with your HD will help you to make any decision you want to take go with much more easy on both you.
welcome to the forum...

 

[Samantha675]

Oh hun, I am sorry you find yourself in such a difficult position.

I have to agree, this is a decision only you can make. You have to look at the pros and cons of having this child. Being a parent, no matter your budget is hard work, and you have to give yourself up to it totally and this is not something everyone can do.

As for the panic, well my baby was totally planned, and I still paniced when my test said I was pregnant.

Good luck, I hope you find you way!

 

[leeanne]

I agree with Vickie too.

Whatever you decide, I hope it's a decision that you and your OH will be happy with!

Good luck!

 

[Sarah88]

Welcome. You sound alot like me in that before I fell pregnant I never wanted kids, always swore that I would terminate. I too believed that I was too selfish and kids wasn't in my life plan. But now that it's actually happened, I cant bring myself to terminate. Unlike you though, I don't have 100 reasons not to keep my child. Sure i'm young, but I am with a great man who is going to make a great father. I had planned to do a course on horse physical therapy, but I realise that this can wait for a little bit.
I think you need to sit down and think about how you will feel if you terminate. And also, is there room for a beautiful little baby in your life? I believe that if you want a child, then you will find a way to be able to afford it. Luckily, working with horses and the fact that you live on the place means that you can work around a child. (BTW, I am so envious, my horse is 20mins away ( ) I know for me, keeping this child has been the least selfish thing I have ever done, and i can't wait to share my love with horses with a new life.

Please let us know how you decide, the decision is completely yours and the ladies on here will understand either way.

 

[Gatorade]

You need to ask yourself questions such as:

Will you regret it longterm if you were to terminate?
What are your ownall priorities in life?
How will your partner feel if you terminate or if you keep it?

I think you should discuss it with him, and just give it a good long think for yourself. This is a HUGE decision. Look into the future and imagine both possibilities.

 

[Ann-Marie]

Just remember that there are three people to consider here. Don't feel pressurised into doing what other people think is the right thing. Having a baby can be the most precious thing in the world, but if it's not the right time, then it might only cause resentment. The right decision is the one thats right for you, no-one else.
I hope you find the courage to make the decision

 

[lifeguard]

Can I pipe in & say it is NEVER the perfect time to have a baby. Even those of us who have been trying for years find when it happens you still feel like there are things that are not quite in place or the way you would like them to be.

 

[Belle]

i agree with lifegaurd, there is never a 'perfect' time 2 have kids but when they're here u make the best life possible 4 them.
I strongly believe that things happen 4 a reason.
it has to be ur descion but also your OH too.
I hope u get things sorted soon.
Its a difficult time 4 anyone as you worry always from one thing to the next.
good luck. xx

 

[Jules]

As others have said, i dont think there is ever a right time to have kids, we could always think we needed to save more money, need a bigger house etc.

My baby was planned, but it was still a shock as it happened straight away, and i was thinking i hope we can afford this and that, and i wish i had saved more money but we have managed to get all its baby things together and put some money away for when its born.

Things always crop up out of the blue but people manage, in this last month i have had to decide to leave work 3 months earlier and have wrote my car off! which i am having to fork out the cash for.

Anyway, my point is, if its just the money situation putting you off, you'll find a way, we all do.

Hope everything works out

 

[nikky0907]

First of all,I'm sorry about your accident,that sounds bad...I also love horses and I frequentely go horse back riding.
My pregnancy also wasn't planned.My parents weren't exactly the greatest parental role models,I'm young and I never saw myself as a mom,even though I go to college,have my own apartment,I live in a nice town and a nice neighbourhood,it just never crossed my mind to have children ever.But it happened and I started imagining myself with a baby just like you.
I made my choice and I am happy with it,excited and I see things differently.
It's your choice,you will live with it for the rest of your life and you need to decide.
It's only important that you and your partner a happy with it!

 

[Mervs Mum]

It's tough but I'm sure in your heart you know what you'll do so I'll just say good luck. xx

 

[The Catster]

For the meer fact you have come on a 1st tri board, u must be leaning towards having the baby....as you would have guessed we would all have tried to persuade you to....

Its your call honey...and maybe the only chance you may have to have an offspring (as no doubt if u do terminate then u will be especially carefull with the contreception)....

And who are you going to hand the business to when you retire??????

Good luck with your decision...u must have a constant headache being on your emmotional roller-coaster at the mo!?

 

[sacha]

Thank you all for the kind words.
OH and I have chatted a lot, he would prefer it if we had the baby but it is totally my decision. Saw my GP last night and he was lovley and said I have afew weeks to make a decision as I am only 4-3 weeks gone it seems.

I have to say I feel more confident after doing lots of research. My best friend (and mother of 2) is a psychologist and said a lot of my emotional state will relate to my accident so no wonder my head is spinning. When I look on the positive side, we are in the lucky position that we both work from home in effect so no worries about childcare etc, we live in a beuatiful quiet village on a massive estate so what a wonderful place to grow up. Financially the fe people I have spoken to say that we will be able to get some benefits to start with, until I am recovered from my accident and back on my feet and able to work. So I have to say I am erring on the side on going ahead with this.
Two big question marks left, one is money and the second is my upcoming operations on my face. GP is speaking to my consultant this week so I'll see him next week for a chat. If the consultant cant operate if I am pregnant then that puts a heavy slant on terminating the pregnancy.

I think I just needed somewhere to freak out as I am so scared, despite being normally so logical, strong and determined. These are new sensations for me

 

[Vickie]

It sounds like you have a great support system there, and this forum really is a wonderful place to sort out your feelings, etc. Good luck with whatever you decide

 

[nikky0907]

True,this forum helped me alot and over here you can find everything you need,a solution to every problem.
You are still early with your pregnancy and you have a lot of time to think and consult with your doctors...good luck!