A Single Father Fighting for His Daughter!

[FathersRights]

I have a situation that I find amazingly appalling that exists in our judicial system today with regard to Family Cases and establishment of paternity and time sharing with children. I am in pursuit to see what the public opinion is and to hopefully glean perspective, as I feel I have almost found the end of my road to ascertain any affect. What keeps my determination of driving forward, despite the overwhelming obstacles, is that I have garnered so much love for my daughter and certainly she deserves a father who would never give up on her. Nor would I ever want to look her in the eyes one day and have to answer the questions of “Why did you give up?” or “Did you not love me enough?”, etc…

Here is the story: I am a father now of a beautiful 4 month old little girl. Since being told by her mother via text she was pregnant, to whom I was never married but in a relationship for about 4 years, the course proved to be an unfortunate struggle of learning how to circumvent an empowered mother’s control to have a close relationship with my daughter. The control stems mostly from desired retaliation from our previous relationship, which was mutually (supposedly) found to be not working. I have been faced with one vengeful act after another, from keeping me in the waiting room for the duration of the doctor appointments I was allowed to attend, to denying me any say in my daughters name, and so on. I have endured countless acts of inexcusable behavior all because she knows how committed I am to taking the ownership and responsibility of being a father to my child and she has the security of knowing I am not going anywhere. Therefore, she has comfort in knowing she can treat me however without the fear that I would abandon. When she was admitted into the hospital about 3 weeks before the birth due to further complications, instead of notifying me, I find out she put herself under an alias name (after her repeated promise of notifying me of the birth) so that I wouldn’t find out until I was called 4 hours after the C-section. I later found out that the court documents to establish child support was filed the morning of her birth by her attorney an hour before I was ever even called letting me know my little girl had been born. Unbelievable! The whole while I have been determined to put my daughter above my own selfish desire but how do you affect anything when you are powerless?

With every step and turn I have taken, I’m left finding the same closed doors found previous. The courts, of course, when there is disagreement and unwillingness to amicably resolve, ends up being a long drawn out process especially when the others counsel knows how to work every stall tactic to their favor. As it stands now, by the time this case is heard my daughter will be well over a year old.

I have done quite a lot of research with regard to early childhood development and have found based on the attachment theory, decades of research, the critical time for establishing a secure bond with a child is most successful within the ages of 3 to 12 months with overnights being crucial. I’m starting to see a trend, where fathers are being recognized as being a vital part and role for their children in the private sector; however, it seems it’s still a long way from any significant changes in the courts despite now knowing it’s truly in the best interest of our children! How does a father that genuinely aches to have a close relationship with his daughter ensure she has the opportunity to bond, when the mother is doing everything she can to prevent that from happening? Our daughter deserves both parents to have the opportunity to establish the close and meaningful bond and relationship that is imperative for her ongoing comfort and security when spending time with either parent. Mediation proved no help as it lasted about 10 minutes with her offering visits with no specific times (specified as both parties agreeing) and no overnights for 3 years to then follow with every other weekend and 1 dinner a week, which in turn was obviously rejected and only led to her attorney moving to impasse and state “See you in court!” After being completely kept from seeing my daughter for a month, I pursued an emergency hearing to force my ability to see her. When that motion was sent to opposing counsel they conceded to 1 day a week unsupervised visitation to prevent the hearing from being honored, to which no surprise was denied when that 1 day a week was established. I am amazed at her behavior and how it is even allowed, but like I said from the beginning I press on because my daughter deserves that.

Father’s, where are you? I’m told I’m less than 1% when it comes to an unwed father fighting for his rights because I’m fighting so hard to be involved, I find that hard to believe. When looking into the eyes of my little girl I can’t imagine there aren’t other fathers who wouldn’t be willing to sacrifice all for the good of their child as well. I can see why some fathers would consider wanting to give up because it is much cheaper, less stress, and certainly easier. But it shouldn’t be that we, as fathers, have to sacrifice and fight so hard to have what is already ours! Of course understanding that also we, as fathers, step up to the plate and take the full responsibility of rearing our children as well! I am fully willing and capable to love, nurture, care for, and give my daughter everything she requires, why is it so hard to be granted that right? It’s already proven that for the best possible outcome and to develop a well rounded adult it takes both a father and mother, or equivalent if not fit, contributing their own attributes to their child. We need to band together for the good of our children so they have what is best! I’m angered for my little girl that she is missing out on having her father be there to protect her from the inevitable pain she will endure when she learns that her mother kept her away from her father.

My reason for writing this blog is for:

1. Wanting to gain perspective and opinion on our current family/judicial system in place and how it allows a mother to be so empowered to keep a child from their father, and

2. I would like to hear your suggestions and opinions as it relates to my situation as well.

I am merely and humbly a father who desires to be a good daddy to his little girl!

Thank you for your interest!

 

[ginma]

I am sorry that you are going through this, I can't imagin ever doing that to my boys father, it isn't fair to them or him. Wish I had some advise for you...Good luck and don't give up!

 

[purpledahlia]

I think you shoudl send that into a newspaper or something!!

can you have a word with my daughters father?!

but seriously, well done you. You are in a minority and its true it shouldnt be like that, good luck, sorry u got lumbered with a woman who has been so cruel, she has clearly got issues with you and is taking it out the only way she has power over and thats the child, which isnt fair!!!

 

[anna matronic]

Hi, I can;t really give you any advice at all. What I will say though is that I have met some women in my life who have used their child to get at their previous partner (sometimes as a revenge tactic) I think it is one of the most dispicible things a woman can do personally, to refuse their child a father (for no reason I mean, bar pure selfishness)

My own situation is that I am not with the father of my child. In fact as yet I haven't told him, not because I am being selfish, but one I am totally shitting myself and mainly I am waiting for my scan to drop the 'bombshell'

Either way, I want to give him the choice about being involved with our child. We both made it, but I alone chose to keep it, without discussing it with him. If he wants to play an active role then we will sort that out, if he doesn't, well I believe that is his loss and my baby will be well loved whatever.

Don't give up whatever you do no matter how hard and stressful and pointles it may seem sometimes xxx

 

[bloodbinds]

That is a really nice story, and thank you for sharing it with us.

However i can't help but wonder what the Mothers side to this story might be?

Though my daughters father has never come to visit her, despite me asking several times for him to just spend a couple of hours with her, he did how ever, go to court to see his first daughter with another woman. Apprently he battled for her and won in the end but only got 4 hours with her every 2 weeks.

It wasn't until after we broke up that i found out why he wasn't allowed to see his daughter, because the Mother had serious doubts at his ability of parenting, because he did a lot of drugs, was an angry person and she didn't know how safe her daughter would be with him alone.

For ages i thought he was the wronged party, until i had a child of my own and realised i would not be letting him see my daughter alone for a good while, until he can prove himself capable.


So good luck, i hope it all works out for you, even though i am positive there is probably another side to this story.

But you are right, every child has a right to know and be loved by both their parents, which is the main reason i'm still trying to get Bellas father to see her no matter what his faults.

 

[Laura2919]

Its actually nice to see a father fight for their child rather than just give up and get on their way!
I dont have this problem as me and my ex partner have come to an agreement in which he has Chloe and Jaycee twice a week, Once on his day off and one day at the weekend!

He only has them overnight if I asked and to be honest its rare, I like them to be at home in their proper bedroom with me.

I dont really have any advice. The law over here favours the mother too more so if you arent married.

I do believe however that what your ex partner is doing is wrong, However much I dislike my ex partner there is no way I would risk affecting my girls futures because of that.

Hope you get some rights somewhere!

 

[lou_w34]

I agree it is nice to see a dad fighting to see his child, You could teach a thing or two to most of our fathers to our babies.

I dont think there are many male opinions on this part of the forum, i think there is one single dad around who has custody of his son, so maybe you could talk to him?

Good luck!

xx

 

[littlekitten8]

Wow you write very well. Its refreshing to see a father actually fighting for his rights as a father and being able to articulate himself so well. Obviously I can't comment particularly on your situation as I am not aware of her reasoning behind denying access but it would appear from what you have written that she is holding a grudge and is just using your daughter as a weapon, which in my eyes is unacceptable. FOB in my case is making no effort to see his son so I have suggested mediation to him as he hasn't seen his son for almost 4 months and James is not good with strangers. However thus far, no contact so we will see. Keep fighting, and please keep us updated with what is going on.

 

[frankyzw]

If all FOBSs were like you, wouldn't the world be a better place. I have no advice but wish you well.

 

[AnnabelsMummy]

I Read this, and couldn't just leave..
Good luck, i was brought up in a single perant family.. i hope it works out in best favour for your little girl!
just make sure neither of you bring her into this - it is something that becomes very hard for a child to deal with
xx

 

[jamielou]

I agree with the others that it's very nice to see a father fighting for his child. Agree with another poster you could send this in somewhere to! I don't have much good advice but wanted to say my mum left me when i was 10 and didn't come back till i was 12 and made me choose bewteen her and my dad, obviously chose my dad as she did a bunk and can say i've grown into a fine adult with a great relationship with my dad and dont think dads get another praise sometimes xx

 

[emilyjade]

id just like to say my dad was married to my mum and he won full custody over me and my brother 9 times at a court and he won 9 times so it can go in the fathers favour, however my story is alot different than yours but its too long too write. but i hope you get the justice u really need and want. so good luck and keep us updated x

 

[LilBean2010]

I will begin by saying there are two sides two every story and I really do wonder what "her side" would be. To register under an alias name is not as simple as it sounds, and it involves a lot of legal maneuvering as it relates to the child's birth certificate, so I imagine she would "say" she had a reason to take such a drastic measure.

As far as your rights...few if not no courts will grant overnights to the non-custodial parent of a child under the age of two. Some more liberal courts say one year of age, but most all psychologists agree children thrive on the security and safety of a "primary care taker" and will not tolerate long or even semi-extended seperations from the person who has become their primary care giver. I understand you are trying to become a "primary care taker" but children really do need the security of knowing their home, their routine, etc in the infant and early childhood years. Is your ex breastfeeding? If so, that will be used as another reason for not allowing extended seperation until after at least 1 year of age.

As a woman who grew up without a father from age 10 on - I would encourage you to stay the course and be as involved as you can but I would also advise that making it "nasty" and so on will cause a lot of resentment from the child in her later years. My parents kept it civil until I was 10 and at that time, my father remarried, it got nasty and he walked away. I have not seen him in 16 years!!! I hold both my parents responsible and I believe they could have come to terms with an agreeable situation for everyone.

I hope, for your sake as well as your ex, but most importantly for your daughter that you are able to find a common ground and agree to a parenting plan that will allow everyone to be as involved as they want to be and keep peace and harmony for your little one.

 

[daniellelk]

Hi, sorry haven't got time to to a proper reply, my OH is currently fighting for his right's to see his now 20month old daughter! Whom he has not seen since she was a week old.
I'm in the thick of it, if you ever want to talk to either of us, feel free to inbox me. He doesn't use this, tho i'm sure he would email, as he know's no one in the same situation and most of his dependency is on me.

 

[FathersRights]

First and foremost, I want to say thank you to all who have responded, as right now any perspective and encouragement is greatly appreciated and I can say I have never needed it more with all life has thrown my way than now. One would think I walked right into the middle of the “Lion’s Den” by posting my story on this site, (lol) however, I truly do appreciate and welcome the perspective. So again thank you! Let me say now that I apologize for the length of this response, however, I feel it important that it be evident I have done my research and that I am stating facts more so then just my feelings. Considering the mind and the development of a child as a whole is hard to quantify, I would say it seems in psychology and psychoanalysis there are a substantial amount of opinion base conclusions as opposed to hard factual and scientific evidence. That being said I appreciate and admire the many countless hours and years devoted to research and those opinions that are left to help aid us in better understanding and decisions.

I respect your inquiries and certainly I agree there is always 2 sides to every story, and of course, I feel certain she will justify her reasons for making the decisions she has made and quite honestly, I would love to hear her reasons and her side of the story as well. Perhaps then I would have some level of understanding as to why she is making the decisions she is, because even I don’t know for sure why. It is believed by many people including those who know her that she is still in love with me and because I’m not asking her to marry me considering our situation (as I feel a child is not the reason to be together) then this is her way of getting back at me. Perhaps that is the case but I will just chalk that up to a possible scenario. I cannot imagine she would be willing to give her side, however, without airing all our relationship issues I will bring to light the greater mishap that created the mistrust which all started with infidelity, and no I was not the one that was unfaithful. Allow me to give some background on myself which might be helpful for you to better understand me. I am originally from Birmingham, Alabama, was an officer in the military and flew the Apache in the Army for 11 years, have a good family background, I’m a well grounded person with no history of any drugs, abuse of any kind, or anything of that nature. I am an even tempered and laid back person and you would find it takes a lot for me to be angered. I teach children’s church and have always had a love for children which is why I committed my summers since I was 12 years old to teaching 5 day clubs to children. I have kept myself and my reputation clean and it has everything to do with my upbringing. The worst I have against me is a traffic citation. I would like to think I am a well rounded person who can have foresight enough to think about my actions and their effects to prevent such behavior as I’m enduring. Of course, it would be difficult for you to really get to know my character within an online forum, without actually getting to know me personally. It’s as if this is my resume and you have to base your impression of me on what is presented. Not plausible to think you would have enough to assess my character, to know if I am a genuine person or not, and that I am one that does truly have the concern of my daughter in the forefront. In much the same way how is a Judge, in just a few short hours, supposed to derive my character enough to substantiate a significant decision that is, more cases then not, a biased decision to affect the rest of my daughter’s life and how our relationship will be allowed to be fostered. At this point, all I can say is that I am what I portray myself to be and you have to choose to accept that or not. Getting back to my ex and my relationship, I decided to stay and work things out with her, and the insecurities that were created only further manifested the mistrust and created a constant stressful and smothering environment for both of us, which is why we mutually (again supposedly) agreed it was not working and ended the relationship. That being said, of course I would never acclaim to being perfect and I certainly I had my contributions to lend to the relationship issues. No matter the past relationship shortcomings I can say with complete confidence and surety there was nothing from either side that would be reason to believe the other is not capable or fit to be a parent to our child under the history of our past relationship. Our relationship issues were just that, our relationship issues, and her reasons for her behavior are 100% believed to be due to spite and desire to hurt me and I will use her words verbatim, “I want you to hurt like I have hurt”. It appears, based on that statement, she isn’t affording the reality that I did hurt, and hurt greatly, because of her actions in the relationship. However, that is the past and I am very willing to leave it there because our daughter does not deserve to be placed in the middle of our mistakes. Again how does one affect a situation such as this when they are powerless?

I believe that our system stems from a long history of precedence to be reason Father’s, like myself, in a very changed world from the earlier days, still face great adversity. Taking a look back at history, through the 19th century, common law jurisdictions like the United States, United Kingdom, and Australia did not recognize custody rights in mothers. If parents divorced, the father almost always got custody, thus women did not divorce their husbands largely because they would lose their children, and so they were stuck. In the 20th Century, courts reversed this situation when psychiatrists and psychologists claimed children of tender years needed to be with their mothers. This was called the “Tender Years Doctrine”, which generally gave mothers custody of their children. By the late 20th century, courts had modified this rule realizing its flaw and usually gave custody then to the custodial parent, or parent who had cared for the child during the marriage. The idea was to be more gender-neutral and afford both parents the opportunity to be considered in who would be best for the child as the custodial parent. Now, of course, children out of wedlock are presenting an unprecedented increase and Fathers in these situations are not even considered until brought to court if there is unwillingness to resolve and with the amount of time that transpires before it can even get to court the Mother has been able to procure the time with the child as reason to be given that primary consideration when the Father had no rights to even have the chance to be involved.

I also feel, without getting into autonomy laws, societal stereo types predicate Mother's as being the parent who should be sole care and decision base for infants and children which lends great influence to this precedence. We as a society have been fashioned into this mold and as a mass we want to fit into what society dictates as being normal and so it was. That being the typical role considers that “Father’s are the bread winners and Mother’s take care of children”. Research these days proves quite contraire, as I’m sure you may be aware of all the research proving otherwise, however, that research still doesn’t seem to be of any help in changing the here and now and adding any influence to the current system. Don't get me wrong though, certainly I know that behavioral and personality traits lend to the stereo types and for the normal family type relationship it does fit, however, for the "outside of the box" types it does not.

In today’s time there are plenty of Father’s now that have proven they can care for an infant and handle that responsibility just as well, nothing against Mother’s of course. Some Father's are not the only ones that have proven should be kept away from their children due to being unfit; likewise, there are plenty of Mother's that are not fit as well. Children in the long run become a much more rounded individual and better adults with better relationship skills, which again research has proven, by having both parents or at least, a Father and Mother figure if the biological parents are unfit, in their life. Obviously the outcome is solely indicative of the quality of parenting, which there isn’t any court or research that could foretell that in any individual’s case other than Social and Custodial Evaluations and Investigations that already exist which help in determining aptitude but again it is not conclusive.

LilBean2010, when you make the statement that psychologists agree that children thrive on the security and safety of a “primary care taker” and will not tolerate long or even semi-extended separations from the person who has become their primary care giver. First off, I would really like to see and know where you are drawing these conclusions, as I would love to research further into the findings, however, for now I will inquire the implied statement being that, an infant is not capable of feeling security and safety with the other parent or more so with “2 parents” in separate homes, routines, etc… So then are you saying that an infant can only feel security with 1 primary care taker? Is it to be believed that an infant cannot develop a since of norm based on what that norm is, that is introduced? Would it stand to reason that if an infant is placed on a schedule of feedings every 3 hours starting at 7am from birth could not at 6 months learn to adapt to a different schedule? I think so and furthermore I would strongly believe that an infant can adapt to “their homes” and “their routines” if that is what is introduced as the norm for the child. I’m sure your experience would suggest that children can adapt to routines and schedules being what are set in place as that “routine and schedule”. If an infant is not allowed that opportunity to learn the normal routines at each home then by the time the “allowed overnights” occur 1, 2, 3+ years later you have the “induced security” that has already been established. The child has learned only to look to that one “care taker” for their sense of security and then what happens when the child wakes in the middle of the night and that other parent runs to their aid and it’s not that parent who has been given the right to be established as a care taker. Now the child is of age to have awareness, able to assess their situation more, and have feelings of abandonment and the other parent cannot provide that comfort because it was never established. The child can not feel that sense of comfort and security because it has never been the norm and that is where I completely agree “they thrive on that security and safety” thus being reason it needs to be established for both parents early on. Even the court guidelines here in Florida call for Fathers to have overnights with infants 0-6 months of age because it’s important toward establishing that bond, however, like I mentioned in my original message, it is taking much longer than 6 months to get to court so ultimately we, my daughter and me, miss out on that opportunity because she has the power to do so.

Over the better part of the last century, because of mothers being that predominant care taker there has been little opportunity to research Fathers affect on assuming that role, however, in the last decade Father’s involvement has been on the climb because of now being given that opportunity with the change of the Tender Years Rule. If you take a child that is the byproduct of a Father’s rearing and a Mother’s rearing you will find they are both developed with the attributes rendered from that parent. Obviously personality is affected by influence but overall you will find they have fully developed traits. Now, if I may ask, would the outcome be different if the child had the equivalent influence of both a Father and Mother, or the role of either replaced by an equivalent if the biological parent is not present? Absolutely! The development would be a more rounded and better balanced adult and that can be seen by research but honestly it doesn’t take research to figure that one out. Certainly, not to say that a child who was only raised by a Mother or only raised by a Father is not a well rounded evenly balanced adult, just given the same child with the circumstance to have both parents, more cases than not, would lend to a more overall better outcome (again with the disclaimer that the quality of the outcome will always be indicative to the quality of parenting). Please understand there will always be extreme circumstances and, of course, there are thousands of variables you could throw into discussion to be reason to debate this till dooms day. I am saying all this under the pretense that both figures, Father and Mother, are fit and fully willing and capable of being good parents to their child/children.

That now brings me to what I would consider to be the most important aspect of all I have covered and it goes all the way back to the beginning, that being, a sexual relationship. I physical and sexual relationship is a 2 way street that is a decision made by both parties involved otherwise it constitutes as "Rape" and would then be classified under Criminal not Family Law and the rules would then certainly be different. When there is consensual sex there should not be preferential dictation that all decisions be made unilaterally until the other party has proven and established that paternity. A process that takes significant time through an arduous system that ultimately severely hampers the other parent’s ability to garner a close secure relationship/bond with their child, if the other empowered parent is not extending amicable resolve and prevents and precludes the other parent, which is absolutely not in the best interest of the child. Otherwise, there are sperm banks that could be pursued to have a child if your solely looking to be a single parent. It is a proven and known fact that women think more emotionally, especially in these kinds of circumstances. With serious decisions on the line, such as my daughter’s wellbeing and time-sharing opportunities that will affect my relationship with her, being made from an emotional and overprotective state (which she has already alluded to as being one of her weakness’s) is truly not factoring in what is best for my daughter, such as the need for both parents being equally involved in her development. Ultimately my daughter suffers and because the laws are currently set up the way they are, there is nothing a Father can do about it.

There should, however, be more physical responsibility on the couple who consensually decides to engage in intercourse and if there be reason, that introducing a child into the equation would be placing that child into a harmful situation, then the right decision is to not be with that person in any physical manor in the first place. With the way it is currently arranged a Mother has the capability of 100% control and decision making to be reason to make a checklist of what the Father has to be and do before they will allow their involvement or more so unsupervised involvement. A Father is then forced to be accountable to the Mother on her terms when the opposite is certainly not the case unless there is serious, and I mean, of course, you know that it has to be, SERIOUS, abandonment or unfit reasons why the Mother could or would not have the child and all the rights from the beginning, especially in an unwed circumstance. This type of arrangement is only further giving reason for Father’s to walk away and not deal because it is a losing fight. This has got to change because not every Father is obviously willing to fight this hard or more so put up with the riffraff just to have a relationship with their child. I just so happen to be one that puts great importance on having a relationship with my daughter, and because ultimately she had nothing to do with the reason she was brought into this world and she absolutely does not deserve to be subject to her parent’s mistakes.

If you made it all the way through this exhaustive response, then pat yourself on the back because you certainly deserve it! Again thank you for your interest!

- Kevin

 

[Janidog]

You talk about the rights of the fathers and how they should be allowed over night stays when the baby is between 0-6months, maybe you should ask the single mums on here how they would feel about it, im sure they would not be so agreeable, especially when you have not carried your child for 9months been through the worry of something happening and the going through labour, then after all this you are expecting your ex to bend over backwards so that you can have your baby over night when your baby is so young. If my husband and i should divorce before my child is born then he most certainly wont be having him over night so early on and thats not out of spite, its more out of concern for the childs welfare. Unless you have a reasonable agreed schedule then its not going to work.

By expecting the law to change for fathers then it will leave a lot of single mums in a very awkward positions, the law is there to protect the child and mothers and fathers rights are secondary.

What would you expect mothers who are breastfeeding to do?

Im aware that there are some single mothers who will use their children to punish the fathers, but you must understand that not all single mums are like that, and you must be aware that there are thousands of fathers who really couldnt care less about providing for their children leaving the mothers to have to do things on her own.

 

[lou_w34]

You talk about the rights of the fathers and how they should be allowed over night stays when the baby is between 0-6months, maybe you should ask the single mums on here how they would feel about it, im sure they would not be so agreeable, especially when you have not carried your child for 9months been through the worry of something happening and the going through labour, then after all this you are expecting your ex to bend over backwards so that you can have your baby over night when your baby is so young. If my husband and i should divorce before my child is born then he most certainly wont be having him over night so early on and thats not out of spite, its more out of concern for the childs welfare. Unless you have a reasonable agreed schedule then its not going to work.

By expecting the law to change for fathers then it will leave a lot of single mums in a very awkward positions, the law is there to protect the child and mothers and fathers rights are secondary.

What would you expect mothers who are breastfeeding to do?

Im aware that there are some single mothers who will use their children to punish the fathers, but you must understand that not all single mums are like that, and you must be aware that there are thousands of fathers who really couldnt care less about providing for their children leaving the mothers to have to do things on her own.

I also agree with this, as much as i would love my lo to have an active father figure, i still would not allow overnight visits straight away, especially as i am breastfeeding.

But as he never bothers to turn up i dont have to worry about that yet.

Its not fair that you are being punished though, and you should be allowed contact with your daughter.

xx

 

[hypnorm]

Even the court guidelines here in Florida call for Fathers to have overnights with infants 0-6 months of age because it’s important toward establishing that bond, however, like I mentioned in my original message, it is taking much longer than 6 months to get to court so ultimately we, my daughter and me, miss out on that opportunity because she has the power to do so.

Just for an example, what about breastfeeding mothers? If the mother is feeding on demand then an overnight stay would not be an option, with out the mother being there, or expressing enough milk to cover over night feeds.. which in some cases is NOT easy.
Also my daughter WOULD NOT take any form of bottles, or forumlaand would only accept breast.. so how would you get over that? with out stressing the baby and probably the mother out.

 

[mummy3]

You enforce overnight visits for fathers at the 0-6m age and you risk lowering bfing rates in single mums! There is no way I would have agreed to overnight visits for dd1 for that reason, It is hard work pumping and that along with nipple confusion would have made it very difficult!

To be honest, I can tell your hurting but I also feel you are being incredibly selfish here. I agree that if a father wants to be involved then it should be easier for him to be but I think you need to think about what is best for the BABY!

There are a lot of reasons why a relationship breaks down, and I feel for you, but I think you may need to be a bit more realistic.

 

[scottishgal89]

hiya
well done for posting this in here!
i wish my baby's dad cared in the way you do.
i think the way your ex has been with you isnt fair- not letting you have a say in the name etc. even though my ex abused me, treated me like crap and couldnt care less i still gave him a say in things like that- maybe that makes me a pushover right enough.
he also knew when i was being induced even though he wasnt at birth and i phoned him after she'd arrived so i think all of that is unreasonable to be honest!
whats happening with the court thing at the moment? next steps etc?
i would agree with the other girls that overnight would have to come over time.
i really hope u work something out.
i think my ex is going to take me to court as i stopped contact but there were many reasons for that and if he genuinely cared about my daughter, we wouldnt be in this position.
xx