A Story of Hope

[moonflower5]

A while back, I told myself that someday I would write and publish my story somewhere, in case it would help somebody else out there. I never knew quite where to write it until now.

Nine years ago, my husband and I were in utter shock. We had gone from happy surprise at an unexpected BFP, to an ultrasound where the tech wouldn't look at us and the doctor had tears in her eyes. Right around the start of our second trimester, we found out our sweet little bean had cystic hygroma and hydrops, with a 0% chance of survival. After extensive, painful, and invasive testing, we ended up losing our son. We still don't know what caused it.

What followed were the worst, numbest, most awful months ever. I was so depressed I basically never stopped crying. I was so stressed that our new TTC efforts were a wreck. It was utter, total pain and heartache.

Finally, I decided that I could either learn to enjoy the gift of my life again, or have a lifetime of pain. I began charting and meeting with my doctor, just for something to DO. I still couldn't get pregnant, but at least I felt like I had some purpose. After a while, my doctor finally gave me Clomid, and we discovered Preseed (a godsend when you're not "in the mood") and lo and behold, there was a faint pink line that month.

Fast forward, and that faint pink line is now a seven-year-old boy who is sleeping next to me as I write. His little brother, another miracle, is singing with his daddy in the room down the hall. In my darkest days, I never believed either of them would ever exist, but here they are.

If you are reading this after your own loss, please know there is hope and happiness and joy and life after this pain. Please know you are never alone. Your journey will be different and harder than you anticipated, but there IS hope ahead of you, in whatever form that takes. I promise.

Thank you for listening, and letting me fulfill I vow I made to myself and my first son a long time go.

 

[MissGossip]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, we suffered our first miscarriage last week, it took 9 months to get that bfp so to go on and lose the baby was devastating. I fully believe we will have children and remain positive it will happen soon. It so lovely to hear you have gone on to have 2 healthy pregnancys.
xx

 

[moonflower5]

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this heartache. Sending you lots of virtual hugs. The journey does get better, it really does.

 

[5Miracles]

Beautiful...just beautiful....so very happy for you...thank you for sharing

 

[Trying4first1]

Thank you for sharing. Such a beautiful story. You must feel so lucky to have two amazing little boys

Sadly I am now going through my 3rd miscarriage with no living children. I sit and wonder "will I ever get to be a mum?". Your story gives me hope. Thank you again for sharing xx

 

[LynetteBaby]

Thank you so much for your story. I too had a loss just last year to cystic hygroma, hydrops and turner's syndrome. I lost my baby girl at 15 weeks. It has been the most devastating experience and I don't wish it on anyone. After my loss, I developed ovarian cysts so I had to go on birth control for a few months until they were reduced. I tried clomid for one cycle, it didn't work. Then I had to go on birth control again because of another cyst. Now I'm finally TTC again, with clomid and an HCG trigger...fingers crossed. your story gives me hope

 

[everything]

We lost our baby in June last year after a chemical in January that same year. This story gave me so much hope, I'm at a point where I feel like I have to choose either to go on and control what I can or stay depressed and let the anger and frustration eat up my soul. It's been 2 years since we started ttc'ing with the "best" diagnosis of unexplained infertility I've decided to focus on me and try to think less and less about this stuff.
Friends of ours that started trying the same time we did just announced they are pregnant again, as much as I wan't to be happy I just fell like it's never our turn. I usually tell myself that one day will be our day life just had other plans first and our journey will be harder than we thought but we will get there some day (hopefully sooner rather then later)

 

[lesondemavie]

Beautiful story. My first pregnancy just ended in a MMC at my 8 week scan exactly 1 week ago. As far as we know so far we're perfectly healthy and able to conceive, but it is hard not to worry about the future. I hope very much that I too get to post a happy ending to this ttc journey one day...no matter how long it takes.