A welcome home party...or no?

[mara16jade]

So my DH and I had a little "discussion" last night about how we wanted to come home from the hospital. I know...we're super early, but the conversation came up.

Do you envision walking in through the door to your house with your baby, DH/OH and just settling in?

Or do you want his mom there to help welcome you and the baby home and help care for the baby?

Or do you want your mom there to help welcome you and the baby home and help care for the baby?

Or do you have some other idea?

DH thought it would be helpful to have his mom there to help with the baby while I recovered. I told him I didn't want anyone there. I said those first few days are going to be rough - me in pain and recovering and also us trying to figure out how to suddenly become parents.

If anything, I'd have MY mom come over so she could help if I needed it. Like with BF'ing or helping me with pain. But honestly I don't do well with others (except DH) being around if I'm in pain or frustrated.

What do you guys want? What have you had in the past if you already have a baby?

 

[wishuwerehere]

Just hubby, really. You only get those first few days once as your time to nest as a family.

 

[LoveCakes]

I'd say just you two though others can visit. It's a special time to share.

 

[mara16jade]

I'd say just you two though others can visit. It's a special time to share.

I'm totally open to visitors (day or two after we're home) so long as childbirth wasn't too hard on me. I want family to be excited and overjoyed....but not waiting at the front door when we get discharged from the hospital. lol

 

[Cntrygal]

I do not want anyone waiting at the house for us. And how much help I want will partially depend on how much time DH can take off. And I'm totally with you...if anyone is sticking around, it will be MY Mom.

In the perfect world DH would have a couple days off and we would learn to be parents and get things figured out. Then once DH goes back to work have my Mom up a few days in a row for most of the day to help. But I'm actually a little afraid she won't want to come up and disturb her life. But we'll survive either way.

 

[mara16jade]

Thanks for the input ladies. Maybe with the second baby I won't be so scared of the unknown, but for now I'm trying to prepare the best way I can without know what it'll be like (if that makes ANY sense LOL).

I figured, we carried the baby, we went through the struggles of pregnancy AND childbirth, the least we can get is how we want to recover. And everyone has their own view of how that is. Some people want all the help and support they can get. The more the merrier. Others want maybe just their DH/OH and their mom, and other might just want to recover as a little family of baby, DH/OH and themself.

I love hearing how you all want that first day or two at home to be. Makes me feel like I'm not crazy for wanting to cherish those first moments and recover without people hovering around me.

 

[wish4baby]

I definitely want my mom (and dad) there, because we will need help with my older kids. It's also special for them because they live 5+ hrs away now & when they finally see the kids they always spoil them rotten, taking them fun places and buying them everything obviously that first day we'll all hang out at home, but they can spend time with the kids while I nurse, nap, deal with pain from my c/s, and hubby is free to spend all the time with me.
Plus I know my mom will bring me good restaurant food, run pick up any other items I may need, clean and generally know exactly what I want/need lol! I wouldn't mind my MIL staying also (we have plenty of room for everyone and she lives far away too) she gets a long great with me, my parents, kids, BUT apparently now she's a package deal with my SIL (married to my husbands brother) and I have issues with her, I don't want her around for any length of time :/
I just told my husband last night to talk to his mom tactfully about how I'd prefer it to be just us & her. We'll see...

 

[Leids]

My mother in law was there to help me with my first, and she'll be here to help with the second as well. She didn't help me with the baby though, she helped with housework, cleaning, etc. Honestly it was amazing because I was so stressed and tired early on, there's no way I would have kept up with the house for the first few weeks.

This time around she'll be helping me with housework and helping me watch my toddler so that I can sleep when the newborn sleeps. My husband will have a week off but she's going to be with us for 4-6 weeks. It didn't mess with bonding at all when I had my son and she was respectful of our privacy, but I had full meals and clean laundry!

My mom on the other hand is the type that would want to watch the baby while I did all of the other work, so I would prefer not to have her there. If she can help with things that you really won't have much time for then that would be great, but if you think she'll just get in the way and be more of a hindrance than anything then I wouldn't.

 

[the why bird]

Just us, since I know from experience I will be exhausted and emotional. I wouldn't mind my mum popping by fairly frequently to take my older daughter out for lunch or to the park so she is getting lots of fun attention, but mostly I want to be left alone.

If someone wants to pop by and fill my fridge with tasty food and tidy up before I get there, though...

 

[mara16jade]

That makes a lot of sense wish4baby.

Do you remember what you did when you brought home your first? Did you still have your mom and dad (and maybe MIL) there to help you?

 

[mara16jade]

If someone wants to pop by and fill my fridge with tasty food and tidy up before I get there, though...

Yeah, seriously!!

 

[fdcsw126]

For me, Idk what is going to happen exactly. I know my parents are driving out as soon as they hear Im in labor (the live 6 hours away) but they know its only OH and I when Im pushing, when it comes to coming home idk if my parents will be there. They always stay in a hotel when they come to visit so they might give us some space but my mom will be there to cook and clean for 5 days after (thats what she says) and OH is given 10 days of leave starting when we get released from the hospital

 

[x__amour]

For me, I was so exhausted I wanted nothing to do but sleep. I couldn't imagine having anyone there but just DH, DD, LO and myself!

 

[wish4baby]

When I had my first, we lived down the street from my parents and about 2 minutes from my inlaws. They popped in and out frequently, and came by for a few minutes when we came home from the hospital, but once we were settled, they left. I remember calling my mom begging her to come over to hold the baby while I showered because I didn't want to set him down in case he cried lol!!
We are very lucky in that my mom is practically my best friend, we can almost read each others minds and my in laws are pretty great - they are very good at not over stepping, in fact lately I feel like they have distanced themselves too much, but it's probably just because we had to move so far away, it's hard to spend much time together now.
So, I have always had & loved their help - but like a pp said, they helped with food, cleaning, anything I needed - not baby unless I specifically asked.

 

[mara16jade]

That's great!!

 

[RaspberryK]

Well I put just dh but it's also other since I'm planning a home birth.
We planned a homebirth last time but I actually gave birth in hospital.
I didn't want to come home to the mess (vomit and amniotic fluid in the bathroom and a birth pool in the lounge.
We went to the in laws from the hospital-15 minutes from home where we rested, were fed, received a couple of close family visitors.
Dh went home in the afternoon to tidy up before bringing us home.
It was good but this time all being well we will be at home. I will stay in bed with the baby til the cleaning up is done.
I'll receive visitors the next day I really don't want anyone there and I'd definitely have less visitors and stay home more with this one. Xx

 

[Nats21]

I clicked on just OH although it was for a couple of hours and then we had family visit. Callum had been in neonatal for a few days so we'd kind of had time with him there so I didn't really mind visiters, they didn't stop for long though and I liked it just being me and OH on the first night xx

 

[mara16jade]

^^I'd be ok with that if I was feeling ok too.

I guess I just have this vision of my husband and I walking in through our front door as a family. Maybe its silly...but in my mind, leaving as a party of 2 and returning of a party of 3 just seems so special. I just want that moment of "omg, we're home...and we're parents."

 

[RaspberryK]

^^I'd be ok with that if I was feeling ok too.

I guess I just have this vision of my husband and I walking in through our front door as a family. Maybe its silly...but in my mind, leaving as a party of 2 and returning of a party of 3 just seems so special. I just want that moment of "omg, we're home...and we're parents."

It's kind of sad we didn't get that.
I felt great after the birth, I'd had no drugs and I was literally high on adrenalin I guess.
I was 22lb lighter so I guess that helps and I wasn't sore at all.
Xc

 

[Ckelley]

Last time I had a lot of family and I felt like a stranger in my own house. I am an introvert, and my home is my personal space. My in-laws held my baby more than I did and I became very resentful and jealous.

This time I want it to just be us. I wouldn't mind people bringing over food and visiting for short scheduled hours. No pop ins.