flyingduster
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It started more with the fact I was due on Friday the 14th of October. I KNEW the date I ovulated back in January, without a doubt, so there was no doubt on the date he was due to arrive. So when I went overdue, everyone was questioning me about the dates, or why I wasn't being induced already! I was being carefully monitored by my midwife at the hospital and as long as everything was checking out ok, I was preferring to wait. At no point was there a sign of anything being worrying except that the hours and days kept ticking past!!!
On Friday 28th Oct I was officially 2 weeks overdue and still I had NO signs of an impending labour at all. I'd had the odd perod-pain type cramping, but nothing that was a 'contraction', it was more a general discomfort etc. I got up and went to work as per usual.
Saturday 29th I was in bed procastinating getting up. I was feeling crappy from being so big and not sleeping well and the prospect of struggling to rise out of bed had me lounging about. When hubby got up I rolled (heaved) over onto all fours with my knees tucked up (but spread out to accommodate the belly) and my head & chest still on the bed cos it's the closest I could get to being on my stomach; a positition I used to prefer to sleep in! I was rocking my hips about a bit cos they're all sore and clicky and I felt a bit wet 'down there'. Turns out it was a bloody show! A sign at LAST; just when the faith in my body doing the right thing had started to fail on me a bit, I got a sign that it will do it's thing when it's time. CTG monitoring that day showed a very wriggly active baby and nothing to worry about; so we were happy to wait another 2 days. Another scan and CTG were booked in for monday if nothing happened before then. Mum decided to come down cos she was excited things might be happening after my show, so I spent the afternoon whiling away time with her. Nothing else happened though.
Sunday 30th; Spent the day with hubby but generally was starting to feel like crap again. There'd been no signs of anything more. I had more mucus every time I wiped, but no cramping, no waters breaking, nothing but being heavily pregnant and uncomfortable. 16 days overdue already! Ugh. This lil baby (we didn't know the gender) was really pushing my limits now, and my emotions were crashing (again). It was monday tomorrow, and if nothing was happening I intended to go in to work to keep myself from going mad at home. I decided that seeing I was feeling crappy that I'd have a(nother) bath to try and relax and be a bit more comfy.
By this time I'd been having baths at least 2-3 times a week in the evenings after work, spending 2-3 hours in them each time. Just relaxing in the semi-bouyancy support it offered.
I'd been in the bath for a couple of hours just zoned out mentally and I realised that the reason I just rolled back over on to my stomach was because of cramping, not just a general discomfort. I wondered. I'd just done the same thing not long ago too... After a while nothing happened again so I figured it was a random braxton hicks or the baby squirming or something. I moved my hips to one side. Oh! There it goes! A definite rising cramp, not painful, but definitely very achey and uncomfortable and it rose to a peak before taping down again. Oooo!! I looked at my phone to see the time; 8:30pm. I was pretty certain it was a contraction, and I was pretty sure it was the third one in the past half hour? hour? Something anyway. I stayed where I was and kept wondering at every lil wriggle if it was another one starting. Baby was being as active as ever so the squirms threw me off a few times. But after another hour I'd had some really definite contractions, as well as some more unsure ones. I was fairly sure they were coming about every 10 mins or so. I was still lounging in the bath but was starting to get excited things might be starting, so got out.
Hubby had a mate over watching movies, when I got out of the bath I announced I was going to bed, so hubby decided to take his mate back home (he'd picked him up earlier) and would be back soon. While he was gone I had another couple of contractions, so I was fairly certain now that they were sticking around rather than disappearing with me moving about etc. Hubby got home and I told him what had been happening. We lounged on the bed for a while, the contractions kept coming every 10 mins or so.
It was 10:35pm when I txted my midwife and told her that I was pretty sure things were happening, she had only just finished delivering another baby not long ago and was heading home to bed for a few hours, but her backup was still there, and she'd be back on again in the early morning. I txted my mum to let her know too.
The contractions kept coming, and started to get more intense. I started to vomit as some of them eased off too, so I was trying to keep drinking but the water was coming back up as fast as I drank it down. Mum left her place about 12:30, and I was still 'with it' between contractions then; talking to hubby between them and moving around and so forth, but they were definitely starting to get intense! Mum lives a bit over an hour away, so she got to us at nearly 2am, by which point I know I was in my own world. I was fully aware of things happening, I heard her car arrive and her and my little sister come in and talk to Adrian quietly, but I was refusing to acknowledge much of anything and kept my eyes closed and my focus inwards. I was still vomiting as some contractions eased off, and I was going to the toilet for a lot of them as well as I kept pooping and peeing as my body was flushing everything out I guess. It also was more comfortable on the toilet because the contractions could make me feel like I needed to poo but if I was on the bed then I naturally tried to NOT poo, which would tense my body up rather than letting the contraction flow through. So hence, I'd go sit on the toilet cos then I wouldn't tense up trying to hold anything in!!
By now I was also doing a rather primal moaning/groaning sound with the contractions too, it gave me something to focus on doing and also kept me breathing looooonnngg deeep breaths if I could make the moan last nice and long. It was also a sort of relief to get the noise out!
Hubby sat with me the whole time, offered me water and pillows and whatever, but I pretty much just shunned him and the rest of the world, kept my eyes closed even between contractions, and just zoned out. At one point between some contractions I told hubby to time a few cos I'd lost all sense of time now (I hadn't wanted to time them too much, and preferred to let the happen as they happened without feeling like I was, or wasn't, getting anywhere) and if he thought they were close, to call the midwife. They were coming every 2-3 mins and lasting for nearly a minute each time! He called my midwife to see if she was back on yet, but nope. So called the backup midwife who was at the hospital with another birth already so she agreed it sounded like we were progressing nicely and to come on in; a room would be ready for me. Mum bought her car up to the front door, and her, Adrian, and my sister got my bags and stuff sorted and into the car. I waited on the toilet until they were about ready and then got up to go, but had to stop and wait out another contraction before I could get into the car. Hubby and me in the back seat; I was laying half across him, still with my eyes closed in my own world. Mum told me to just tell her to stop at any point if I wanted her to, so instead I told her to just hurry up. lol! I had another 2 contractions in the car on the way to the hospital, and another one when we pulled up outside the front door. My sister went to grab a wheelchair, but we only got about 2 meters towards the door in that before I bolted out of it and walked; I needed to be in control of myself, not being wheeled around!!! So we walked in, got into the lift and up to the maternity ward, had a contraction just coming out of the lift so had to stop and wait for that to pass, then went around and in to the delivery suite and to the room they had waiting for me. It was 3:20am.
Hubby went and called his parents when we arrived, so they could come down. They live 1.5 hours away. My backup midwife, Maureen, was busy with the other birth when arrived, so a hospital midwife was there for me for the first 10 mins. I had it in my notes that I didn't want any internal examinations unless there seemed a need for it, so there wasn't any of that to do; I was basically just allowed to labour on. She talked me through a couple of contractions, I realised now looking at my notes she was timing them (45 seconds, and having 2-3 in every 10 mins) and she checked the babys heart rate and stuff too. I remember her asking me if I wanted her to go run the bath for me; YES! That sounded great! lol. So she went off to do that, and Maureen then came in at 3:30, and my contractions were ramping right back up again; lasting 50 seconds and having 3 in every 10 mins. I went to the toilet a couple of times, they noted that my sanitary pad had a fair bit of mucus plug/bloody show in it again too.
4am and I was getting off the bed to go to the bath when another contraction came on; I went to the toilet again as it felt different, and yup, right at the end of the contraction I involuntarily pushed a bit!
4:05am and I was in the bath. BLISS! Ohhhh it was a lovely big bath, long and deep. I got in and dropped to my stomach where I stayed. Maureen bought in the gas & air for me in case I wanted it (she asked me, I said I dunno. lol) Because I was so overdue they strapped me up to the CTG monitor. Thankfully it is waterproof and wireless and while it did mean having to sit up out of the water (ohhhhhhhhh, that was a drag! It was so hard to get up! I really really REALLY wanted to lay back down and bliss out already! lol) to get the straps around my belly, but once they were on it meant I could be left to labour in peace in whatever positions I wanted and they could still monitor that baby was ok.
I remember that with some of the contractions I'd involuntarily push at the end of them, not all, just some, and only right at the end. It felt gooooooooood to push when my body did that! I could *feel* my body working for itself. I knew the baby wasn't anywhere near coming out with those pushes, it was just pushing down into the birth canal. Adrian was sitting at my head the whole time with water for me, he asked if I wanted the gas a couple of times, but I told him that if I wanted it, I'd ask for it; I knew it was there! But the contractions weren't that bad. They hurt a bit, yeah, but it was a primal, productive sorta hurt. Not an agonising horrible pain at all. I dunno how there is a difference, but there is! I don't know how fast they were coming in the end cos my time was totally distorted, but the contractions didn't seem to last long (they were easy to breath through in a couple of biiiig long noisy breaths), and the gaps in between lasted long enough to recover and relax nicely. I was LOVING the bath. It felt so awesome. The only thing I didn't like about it was right towards the end when I was pushing with each contraction, and my body wanted to tuck my head forwards sorta arching my shoulders; which meant with only my head & shoulders out of the bath and laying on my stomach, that I'd be sticking my face into the water! lol. I was fully aware though, and just made sure my nose was out but did at times let my mouth go into the water to moan/breathe out through the water.
They filled up the bath heaps right towards the end too; it was obvious I wasn't getting out, I'd been there for nearly an hour so it was cooling off, and if the birth was happening in there then it needed to be in deeper water. Oooooh, deeper water was even better! When my body was pushing my knees pulled up to my chest and my back arched up a bit, but between the contractions I stretched right out with my feet against the far end and my head against the other. I felt my waters break with a pop on one of the strong pushing contractions, but being in the bath meant you couldn't notice! The lights were dimmed right down the whole time, I had my oils in an electric burner, and it was just me and hubby pretty much left alone to do our thing. The monitor for the CTG was outside the door as it was wireless, so the midwife could keep tabs on it without needing to come and go too much to us. Baby was never in any distress, even once I was pushing.
She came in to check us of course, but otherwise allowed me to labour as I wanted; in the dark warm peace and calm with hubby. 
My notes say "4:45am Involuntary pushing?" so I think I was by then pushing with most, if not all of the contractions. The midwife called my mum in to witness the birth (I didn't mind her being there, but just to stand in the background sorta thing and let me and Adrian do our thing, so she had wanted to wait until it was nearly time) I could FEEL when he moved down into my pelvis, and I felt him move through the pelvic floor muscles. I felt my body stretching (and turns out I tore too, so the two big stretches I felt were most likely the two tears I had; they truely didn't hurt in the slightest though; it just felt like stretching) and I felt him *RIGHT THERE*, I actually reached down with my hand between contractions and felt the top of his head, scrunched up and wrinkled cos I'd stopped pushing and he'd obviously pulled back in a bit without the pressure behind him, but I FELT his head there! I told the midwife 'this is it' as I felt the next contraction ramping up and yup, the contractions by then didn't hurt at all cos the pushing felt so good, so with a big breath and big push his head was out (along with one hand!), and I had my hand down there feeling it and told the midwife. I didn't keep pushing, but I sorta held the pressure against him and the next contraction was right there within moments, pushing him all the way out in an easy push; with the midwife guiding the sobbing new dad into catching him; 5am on the dot. Immediately I was trying to roll over to take him, but felt the cord in the way and realised they'd caught him on the other side so I needed to roll the OTHER way to not get caught up. lol! He was put straight on to my chest for cuddles, I lifted a leg up.... a boy! My son! Caleb! Hi Caleb! omg!!!!!!! I just GAVE BIRTH! And it was freeking AWESOME! I have a BABY! A real life baby! He came OUT of me! I did it!!! I really truely did it! And I felt incredible! Absolutely empowered, proud, ecstatic, amazing... oh, there aren't words for it! I have a freekin SON!!! My little sister was called in, and I called out for her to bring my camera with her and get as many photos as she wanted with it; the more the better. Then me; grinning ear to ear with happy tears running down my face; Caleb a bit shocked but snuggling in under warm towels (we're still in the bath too) and a sobbing daddy sat there for 10 mins or so just soaking up the amazing-ness of it. Mum and sister were both in tears too. The cord went white and stopped pulsing so was cut by dad at 5:10am.
9 mins old:
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Adrian then took his shirt off to be bare chested and he took Caleb; skin to skin, while I got out of the bath. I bundled myself up in a sheet; still stark naked underneth and with the umbilical cord between my legs (I had a pee-pad held between my legs stopping it from flapping and bleeding everywhere as I moved tho) and nearly ran down the hall (2 doors along) to our room, jumped on the bed and got my baby boy back into my arms. I wanted to try and see how feeding would go for ourselves, though the midwife offered help if I wanted it. He was latched on and drinking by 5:15am
https://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j162/flyingduster2/IMG_3423.jpg
Adrians parents arrived right around then, expecting to be waiting around for hours yet... The midwife said someone was here, was it ok for them to come in, to which I said yes; as they came in I said "Come and meet your grandson!"
The placenta was a little slow to come away, but the continued suckling from Caleb got it moving eventually and that came out at 5:40; all intact and my bleeding was fairly minimal. It did turn out though that I was torn pretty badly. That's when it started to get nasty for me. I have vaginismus; the pelvic floor muscles clamp up automatically and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I don't know if they clamped up when I birthed, but I wouldn't be surprised if they did and that's why I tore so badly. It didn't hurt during the birth though, so I don't know. But it damn well hurt when the doctor started poking around down there!!! I needed to be stitched, and I KNEW I needed to be stitched, but due to the sensitivity down there it was really bad. They put me up into the stirrups (I'm still on the bed in my room, feeding Caleb to try keep my mind off it) and filled me with local anaesthetic. I was as tense as hell just getting the local. They gave me gas & air to suck on too so I started going hard on that. The stitching was HORRIBLE. I felt every tug and pull. I didn't feel the sharp needle at all due to the local, but I felt the pulling and tugging and poking and pressure, and that IS enough for me to be tense and in pain. The tear was big so the local started to wear off at the end of it, so she put more into me. By now I was absolutely going MAD on the gas; sucking it in for all it was worth, I was sobbing my heart out at the pain, and so was mum and Adrian who could do nothing to help me I was totally tripping out on the gas (and had given up Caleb to mum by then) but still had to have the midwife hold one leg down on the stirrup, and a nurse hold the other one cos I was about screaming in the pain. The doctor was getting worked up too, trying to tell me it shouldn't hurt; I already had 60ml of local in me. At one point she tried putting a tampon in (to help stop the blood getting in the way I guess??) but of course my pelvic floor muscles were clamped shut so tightly there was literally no where to PUT the damn thing so pushing it just made me in even MORE pain so she gave that one up when she realised she couldn't get it in anywhere. Finally at the end of it the local was wearing off again and I was starting to scream cos it was getting beyond it by now, I yelled that it was sharp pain again and the doctor said it's ok I'm done there's no needle I'm just tying it, but of course to tie a suture you have to pull it tight and that was what I was obviously feeling cos I kept screaming at her that it WASN'T ok, it still hurt damn it! I then felt even more horrible pain, I was screaming at her how much it hurt, she yelled back at me that it was ok and she was just dabbing, no more stitches, it was ok now! And she kept dabbing. The dabbing WAS horribly painful cos it made me cramp up so much with each dab, and I was so worked up already that I told her to leave it alone then, just damn well leave me alone! The midwife had been really good and was trying to ask the doctor to just leave it alone if it was done please; it was obvious I was in a huge state of distress and a little oozing at the stitches would be ok if left alone without being dabbed at! I realised the nurse wasn't holding my other leg down any more (probably cos the gas I was still absolutely chowing down on made my legs and hands go tingly and weird and I'd sorta forgotten about them! lol) so I threatened the doctor to just leave it alone or I'll fucking kick her in the head. She told me again she was only dabbing, it didn't hurt. And kept dabbing. Adrian only just managed to grab my leg as I made contact with her shoulder (tingly legs meant it really wasn't much more than a shove I could do! lol) but she stopped. Finally, it stopped. I was sobbing from it all, as soon as it stopped I stopped sucking on the gas cos all pain stopped the moment they stopped touching me; as is the way with vaginismus. Adrian and mum were in tears beside me, Caleb had gotten his new-born check (9lb 10oz) and cuddles from grandma (mum) while I was being done so he got bought back to me. I KNEW it had to be done, so didn't really hold anything against the doctor at all, but damn! I told the doctor to go and look up vaginsmus sometime and realise that yes, it damn well IS painful to be touched by someone else, even with a butt-load of anaesthetic and all you're doing is 'dabbing'.
We then had long hours of cuddling and feeding Caleb, talking and enjoying the time with my family, and finally having a shower and moving out into the ward where we stayed one night and headed home with our son.
So an absolutely amazing incredible empowering birthing experience, followed by one of the most traumatic painful experiences of my life! Talk about emotional roller-coaster!!!
My pride and the memories of the birth without medication, and having a healthy son, does outweigh the whole stitches thing though. And yes, I'd be happy to do it all again.
https://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j162/flyingduster2/IMG_3490.jpg
https://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j162/flyingduster2/IMG_36081.jpg
Caleb Ross, 9lb 10oz, 55cm long. 17 days overdue but a totally natural 9 hour labour and pain-free water birth.
On Friday 28th Oct I was officially 2 weeks overdue and still I had NO signs of an impending labour at all. I'd had the odd perod-pain type cramping, but nothing that was a 'contraction', it was more a general discomfort etc. I got up and went to work as per usual.
Saturday 29th I was in bed procastinating getting up. I was feeling crappy from being so big and not sleeping well and the prospect of struggling to rise out of bed had me lounging about. When hubby got up I rolled (heaved) over onto all fours with my knees tucked up (but spread out to accommodate the belly) and my head & chest still on the bed cos it's the closest I could get to being on my stomach; a positition I used to prefer to sleep in! I was rocking my hips about a bit cos they're all sore and clicky and I felt a bit wet 'down there'. Turns out it was a bloody show! A sign at LAST; just when the faith in my body doing the right thing had started to fail on me a bit, I got a sign that it will do it's thing when it's time. CTG monitoring that day showed a very wriggly active baby and nothing to worry about; so we were happy to wait another 2 days. Another scan and CTG were booked in for monday if nothing happened before then. Mum decided to come down cos she was excited things might be happening after my show, so I spent the afternoon whiling away time with her. Nothing else happened though.
Sunday 30th; Spent the day with hubby but generally was starting to feel like crap again. There'd been no signs of anything more. I had more mucus every time I wiped, but no cramping, no waters breaking, nothing but being heavily pregnant and uncomfortable. 16 days overdue already! Ugh. This lil baby (we didn't know the gender) was really pushing my limits now, and my emotions were crashing (again). It was monday tomorrow, and if nothing was happening I intended to go in to work to keep myself from going mad at home. I decided that seeing I was feeling crappy that I'd have a(nother) bath to try and relax and be a bit more comfy.
By this time I'd been having baths at least 2-3 times a week in the evenings after work, spending 2-3 hours in them each time. Just relaxing in the semi-bouyancy support it offered.
I'd been in the bath for a couple of hours just zoned out mentally and I realised that the reason I just rolled back over on to my stomach was because of cramping, not just a general discomfort. I wondered. I'd just done the same thing not long ago too... After a while nothing happened again so I figured it was a random braxton hicks or the baby squirming or something. I moved my hips to one side. Oh! There it goes! A definite rising cramp, not painful, but definitely very achey and uncomfortable and it rose to a peak before taping down again. Oooo!! I looked at my phone to see the time; 8:30pm. I was pretty certain it was a contraction, and I was pretty sure it was the third one in the past half hour? hour? Something anyway. I stayed where I was and kept wondering at every lil wriggle if it was another one starting. Baby was being as active as ever so the squirms threw me off a few times. But after another hour I'd had some really definite contractions, as well as some more unsure ones. I was fairly sure they were coming about every 10 mins or so. I was still lounging in the bath but was starting to get excited things might be starting, so got out.
Hubby had a mate over watching movies, when I got out of the bath I announced I was going to bed, so hubby decided to take his mate back home (he'd picked him up earlier) and would be back soon. While he was gone I had another couple of contractions, so I was fairly certain now that they were sticking around rather than disappearing with me moving about etc. Hubby got home and I told him what had been happening. We lounged on the bed for a while, the contractions kept coming every 10 mins or so.
It was 10:35pm when I txted my midwife and told her that I was pretty sure things were happening, she had only just finished delivering another baby not long ago and was heading home to bed for a few hours, but her backup was still there, and she'd be back on again in the early morning. I txted my mum to let her know too.
The contractions kept coming, and started to get more intense. I started to vomit as some of them eased off too, so I was trying to keep drinking but the water was coming back up as fast as I drank it down. Mum left her place about 12:30, and I was still 'with it' between contractions then; talking to hubby between them and moving around and so forth, but they were definitely starting to get intense! Mum lives a bit over an hour away, so she got to us at nearly 2am, by which point I know I was in my own world. I was fully aware of things happening, I heard her car arrive and her and my little sister come in and talk to Adrian quietly, but I was refusing to acknowledge much of anything and kept my eyes closed and my focus inwards. I was still vomiting as some contractions eased off, and I was going to the toilet for a lot of them as well as I kept pooping and peeing as my body was flushing everything out I guess. It also was more comfortable on the toilet because the contractions could make me feel like I needed to poo but if I was on the bed then I naturally tried to NOT poo, which would tense my body up rather than letting the contraction flow through. So hence, I'd go sit on the toilet cos then I wouldn't tense up trying to hold anything in!!
By now I was also doing a rather primal moaning/groaning sound with the contractions too, it gave me something to focus on doing and also kept me breathing looooonnngg deeep breaths if I could make the moan last nice and long. It was also a sort of relief to get the noise out!
Hubby sat with me the whole time, offered me water and pillows and whatever, but I pretty much just shunned him and the rest of the world, kept my eyes closed even between contractions, and just zoned out. At one point between some contractions I told hubby to time a few cos I'd lost all sense of time now (I hadn't wanted to time them too much, and preferred to let the happen as they happened without feeling like I was, or wasn't, getting anywhere) and if he thought they were close, to call the midwife. They were coming every 2-3 mins and lasting for nearly a minute each time! He called my midwife to see if she was back on yet, but nope. So called the backup midwife who was at the hospital with another birth already so she agreed it sounded like we were progressing nicely and to come on in; a room would be ready for me. Mum bought her car up to the front door, and her, Adrian, and my sister got my bags and stuff sorted and into the car. I waited on the toilet until they were about ready and then got up to go, but had to stop and wait out another contraction before I could get into the car. Hubby and me in the back seat; I was laying half across him, still with my eyes closed in my own world. Mum told me to just tell her to stop at any point if I wanted her to, so instead I told her to just hurry up. lol! I had another 2 contractions in the car on the way to the hospital, and another one when we pulled up outside the front door. My sister went to grab a wheelchair, but we only got about 2 meters towards the door in that before I bolted out of it and walked; I needed to be in control of myself, not being wheeled around!!! So we walked in, got into the lift and up to the maternity ward, had a contraction just coming out of the lift so had to stop and wait for that to pass, then went around and in to the delivery suite and to the room they had waiting for me. It was 3:20am.
Hubby went and called his parents when we arrived, so they could come down. They live 1.5 hours away. My backup midwife, Maureen, was busy with the other birth when arrived, so a hospital midwife was there for me for the first 10 mins. I had it in my notes that I didn't want any internal examinations unless there seemed a need for it, so there wasn't any of that to do; I was basically just allowed to labour on. She talked me through a couple of contractions, I realised now looking at my notes she was timing them (45 seconds, and having 2-3 in every 10 mins) and she checked the babys heart rate and stuff too. I remember her asking me if I wanted her to go run the bath for me; YES! That sounded great! lol. So she went off to do that, and Maureen then came in at 3:30, and my contractions were ramping right back up again; lasting 50 seconds and having 3 in every 10 mins. I went to the toilet a couple of times, they noted that my sanitary pad had a fair bit of mucus plug/bloody show in it again too.
4am and I was getting off the bed to go to the bath when another contraction came on; I went to the toilet again as it felt different, and yup, right at the end of the contraction I involuntarily pushed a bit!
4:05am and I was in the bath. BLISS! Ohhhh it was a lovely big bath, long and deep. I got in and dropped to my stomach where I stayed. Maureen bought in the gas & air for me in case I wanted it (she asked me, I said I dunno. lol) Because I was so overdue they strapped me up to the CTG monitor. Thankfully it is waterproof and wireless and while it did mean having to sit up out of the water (ohhhhhhhhh, that was a drag! It was so hard to get up! I really really REALLY wanted to lay back down and bliss out already! lol) to get the straps around my belly, but once they were on it meant I could be left to labour in peace in whatever positions I wanted and they could still monitor that baby was ok.
I remember that with some of the contractions I'd involuntarily push at the end of them, not all, just some, and only right at the end. It felt gooooooooood to push when my body did that! I could *feel* my body working for itself. I knew the baby wasn't anywhere near coming out with those pushes, it was just pushing down into the birth canal. Adrian was sitting at my head the whole time with water for me, he asked if I wanted the gas a couple of times, but I told him that if I wanted it, I'd ask for it; I knew it was there! But the contractions weren't that bad. They hurt a bit, yeah, but it was a primal, productive sorta hurt. Not an agonising horrible pain at all. I dunno how there is a difference, but there is! I don't know how fast they were coming in the end cos my time was totally distorted, but the contractions didn't seem to last long (they were easy to breath through in a couple of biiiig long noisy breaths), and the gaps in between lasted long enough to recover and relax nicely. I was LOVING the bath. It felt so awesome. The only thing I didn't like about it was right towards the end when I was pushing with each contraction, and my body wanted to tuck my head forwards sorta arching my shoulders; which meant with only my head & shoulders out of the bath and laying on my stomach, that I'd be sticking my face into the water! lol. I was fully aware though, and just made sure my nose was out but did at times let my mouth go into the water to moan/breathe out through the water.
They filled up the bath heaps right towards the end too; it was obvious I wasn't getting out, I'd been there for nearly an hour so it was cooling off, and if the birth was happening in there then it needed to be in deeper water. Oooooh, deeper water was even better! When my body was pushing my knees pulled up to my chest and my back arched up a bit, but between the contractions I stretched right out with my feet against the far end and my head against the other. I felt my waters break with a pop on one of the strong pushing contractions, but being in the bath meant you couldn't notice! The lights were dimmed right down the whole time, I had my oils in an electric burner, and it was just me and hubby pretty much left alone to do our thing. The monitor for the CTG was outside the door as it was wireless, so the midwife could keep tabs on it without needing to come and go too much to us. Baby was never in any distress, even once I was pushing.
She came in to check us of course, but otherwise allowed me to labour as I wanted; in the dark warm peace and calm with hubby. My notes say "4:45am Involuntary pushing?" so I think I was by then pushing with most, if not all of the contractions. The midwife called my mum in to witness the birth (I didn't mind her being there, but just to stand in the background sorta thing and let me and Adrian do our thing, so she had wanted to wait until it was nearly time) I could FEEL when he moved down into my pelvis, and I felt him move through the pelvic floor muscles. I felt my body stretching (and turns out I tore too, so the two big stretches I felt were most likely the two tears I had; they truely didn't hurt in the slightest though; it just felt like stretching) and I felt him *RIGHT THERE*, I actually reached down with my hand between contractions and felt the top of his head, scrunched up and wrinkled cos I'd stopped pushing and he'd obviously pulled back in a bit without the pressure behind him, but I FELT his head there! I told the midwife 'this is it' as I felt the next contraction ramping up and yup, the contractions by then didn't hurt at all cos the pushing felt so good, so with a big breath and big push his head was out (along with one hand!), and I had my hand down there feeling it and told the midwife. I didn't keep pushing, but I sorta held the pressure against him and the next contraction was right there within moments, pushing him all the way out in an easy push; with the midwife guiding the sobbing new dad into catching him; 5am on the dot. Immediately I was trying to roll over to take him, but felt the cord in the way and realised they'd caught him on the other side so I needed to roll the OTHER way to not get caught up. lol! He was put straight on to my chest for cuddles, I lifted a leg up.... a boy! My son! Caleb! Hi Caleb! omg!!!!!!! I just GAVE BIRTH! And it was freeking AWESOME! I have a BABY! A real life baby! He came OUT of me! I did it!!! I really truely did it! And I felt incredible! Absolutely empowered, proud, ecstatic, amazing... oh, there aren't words for it! I have a freekin SON!!! My little sister was called in, and I called out for her to bring my camera with her and get as many photos as she wanted with it; the more the better. Then me; grinning ear to ear with happy tears running down my face; Caleb a bit shocked but snuggling in under warm towels (we're still in the bath too) and a sobbing daddy sat there for 10 mins or so just soaking up the amazing-ness of it. Mum and sister were both in tears too. The cord went white and stopped pulsing so was cut by dad at 5:10am.
9 mins old:
https://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j162/flyingduster2/IMG_3407.jpg
Adrian then took his shirt off to be bare chested and he took Caleb; skin to skin, while I got out of the bath. I bundled myself up in a sheet; still stark naked underneth and with the umbilical cord between my legs (I had a pee-pad held between my legs stopping it from flapping and bleeding everywhere as I moved tho) and nearly ran down the hall (2 doors along) to our room, jumped on the bed and got my baby boy back into my arms. I wanted to try and see how feeding would go for ourselves, though the midwife offered help if I wanted it. He was latched on and drinking by 5:15am
https://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j162/flyingduster2/IMG_3423.jpg
Adrians parents arrived right around then, expecting to be waiting around for hours yet... The midwife said someone was here, was it ok for them to come in, to which I said yes; as they came in I said "Come and meet your grandson!"
The placenta was a little slow to come away, but the continued suckling from Caleb got it moving eventually and that came out at 5:40; all intact and my bleeding was fairly minimal.
It did turn out though that I was torn pretty badly. That's when it started to get nasty for me. I have vaginismus; the pelvic floor muscles clamp up automatically and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I don't know if they clamped up when I birthed, but I wouldn't be surprised if they did and that's why I tore so badly. It didn't hurt during the birth though, so I don't know. But it damn well hurt when the doctor started poking around down there!!! I needed to be stitched, and I KNEW I needed to be stitched, but due to the sensitivity down there it was really bad. They put me up into the stirrups (I'm still on the bed in my room, feeding Caleb to try keep my mind off it) and filled me with local anaesthetic. I was as tense as hell just getting the local. They gave me gas & air to suck on too so I started going hard on that. The stitching was HORRIBLE. I felt every tug and pull. I didn't feel the sharp needle at all due to the local, but I felt the pulling and tugging and poking and pressure, and that IS enough for me to be tense and in pain. The tear was big so the local started to wear off at the end of it, so she put more into me. By now I was absolutely going MAD on the gas; sucking it in for all it was worth, I was sobbing my heart out at the pain, and so was mum and Adrian who could do nothing to help me I was totally tripping out on the gas (and had given up Caleb to mum by then) but still had to have the midwife hold one leg down on the stirrup, and a nurse hold the other one cos I was about screaming in the pain. The doctor was getting worked up too, trying to tell me it shouldn't hurt; I already had 60ml of local in me. At one point she tried putting a tampon in (to help stop the blood getting in the way I guess??) but of course my pelvic floor muscles were clamped shut so tightly there was literally no where to PUT the damn thing so pushing it just made me in even MORE pain so she gave that one up when she realised she couldn't get it in anywhere. Finally at the end of it the local was wearing off again and I was starting to scream cos it was getting beyond it by now, I yelled that it was sharp pain again and the doctor said it's ok I'm done there's no needle I'm just tying it, but of course to tie a suture you have to pull it tight and that was what I was obviously feeling cos I kept screaming at her that it WASN'T ok, it still hurt damn it! I then felt even more horrible pain, I was screaming at her how much it hurt, she yelled back at me that it was ok and she was just dabbing, no more stitches, it was ok now! And she kept dabbing. The dabbing WAS horribly painful cos it made me cramp up so much with each dab, and I was so worked up already that I told her to leave it alone then, just damn well leave me alone! The midwife had been really good and was trying to ask the doctor to just leave it alone if it was done please; it was obvious I was in a huge state of distress and a little oozing at the stitches would be ok if left alone without being dabbed at! I realised the nurse wasn't holding my other leg down any more (probably cos the gas I was still absolutely chowing down on made my legs and hands go tingly and weird and I'd sorta forgotten about them! lol) so I threatened the doctor to just leave it alone or I'll fucking kick her in the head. She told me again she was only dabbing, it didn't hurt. And kept dabbing. Adrian only just managed to grab my leg as I made contact with her shoulder (tingly legs meant it really wasn't much more than a shove I could do! lol) but she stopped. Finally, it stopped. I was sobbing from it all, as soon as it stopped I stopped sucking on the gas cos all pain stopped the moment they stopped touching me; as is the way with vaginismus. Adrian and mum were in tears beside me, Caleb had gotten his new-born check (9lb 10oz) and cuddles from grandma (mum) while I was being done so he got bought back to me. I KNEW it had to be done, so didn't really hold anything against the doctor at all, but damn! I told the doctor to go and look up vaginsmus sometime and realise that yes, it damn well IS painful to be touched by someone else, even with a butt-load of anaesthetic and all you're doing is 'dabbing'. We then had long hours of cuddling and feeding Caleb, talking and enjoying the time with my family, and finally having a shower and moving out into the ward where we stayed one night and headed home with our son.
So an absolutely amazing incredible empowering birthing experience, followed by one of the most traumatic painful experiences of my life! Talk about emotional roller-coaster!!!
My pride and the memories of the birth without medication, and having a healthy son, does outweigh the whole stitches thing though. And yes, I'd be happy to do it all again.
https://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j162/flyingduster2/IMG_3490.jpg
https://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j162/flyingduster2/IMG_36081.jpg
Caleb Ross, 9lb 10oz, 55cm long. 17 days overdue but a totally natural 9 hour labour and pain-free water birth.
xx
