Abit of honest advice please?..

[Luhweez]

So, i've posted before here, i broke up with my OH not so long ago because he was always doing drugs n going out getting drunk etc. well he came crying to me and apoligising saying he'd stop, which to my knowledge he has, he drinks the odd time but i dont mind cause atleast he's been a better OH lately.
Until, my bestfriend rings me telling me she seen him kissing another girl, one of my old friends, and then to make matters worse, when i took him up about it and told him he better tell me everything that happened or i'd never speak to him again turns out he slept with her and everything but he barely remembers cause he was 'drunk' and i know im nothing special but id like to think im better looking than this girl! so i really went off on one, because he didnt even tell me about it, and i felt like so much shit, but we talked and he cried lots and apoligised lots again and i felt really bad for him cause he'd even had his mum ringing me in tears to talk to him, soo..i took him back, things were great for a few weeks but on friday it somehow came up and we had an argument about it and i just feel like shit again, if he really cared about me why would he do that? ive been telling him to stay away all weekend because i just need time to myself to get the anger out but i cant because ive got nothing to unleash on, and im in two minds, do i stay with him and just pretend its not always gonna be in the back of my head or do i leave him? Honestly i really want to know what you girls would do, because i need some real advice other than my mum telling me 'just see what happens' because im pregnant..

 

[jobee2222]

pwoah what a situation. Sounds to me like he needs to get his act together and whatever happened between him and this girl is really irrelevant as you two had broken up, it hurts i dont doubt that, but technically he was a free man at the time. Would it not be much easier for you both to sit down and talk about how you both feel and tell him that if he really wants to commit himself to you and the baby that all the drinking and drugs has to be history. Tell him you can wait for him for the next 2 months (till baby is born) and you will decide then if you can both make it work. But in the meantime he has to really try and think about what he wants too. Just a suggestion, but i know if it was me i'd need my time to think about it and i'd need to see that he was making postive changes in his life for me and my baby.

 

[thelilbump]

At least he admitted he'd slept with her whilst on break. Don't let him emotionally blackmail you though. Some guys think that just because they turn on the water works all shall be forgiven. I've been there and experienced that and its pretty shitty. Try and forget about his crying and grovelling (as harsh as i sound for saying that, sorry) but honestly, think about what you want, if you want this guy back in yours and your babies life and to what extent. Good luck whatever u choose to do

 

[Totally Mommy]

I personally would make him work to come back and not just come back. You need to make him earn your trust and not just expect it. I would tell him that too. The drugs and the sleeping around are both causes for not trusting him. Give it time and don't just jump back into it. He's only going to think that he would be able to do it again or worse and be able to come back.

I hope that things work out for you.

 

[Luhweez]

pwoah what a situation. Sounds to me like he needs to get his act together and whatever happened between him and this girl is really irrelevant as you two had broken up, it hurts i dont doubt that, but technically he was a free man at the time. Would it not be much easier for you both to sit down and talk about how you both feel and tell him that if he really wants to commit himself to you and the baby that all the drinking and drugs has to be history. Tell him you can wait for him for the next 2 months (till baby is born) and you will decide then if you can both make it work. But in the meantime he has to really try and think about what he wants too. Just a suggestion, but i know if it was me i'd need my time to think about it and i'd need to see that he was making postive changes in his life for me and my baby.

we were back together when he slept with her..

 

[Char&Bump-x]

we were back together when he slept with her..

So how do you know he wont do it again?
Ive been through the same thing and even when i found out, spoke to him and had his promise that he would never ever do it again, i couldnt trust him. There was always the thought of what he could be doing when he went out.

Think about whats best for you and your baby. xx

 

[missjacey44]

I know this is hard because im in kind of the same situation. I love my ex and i wanted nothing more but to be a family.. I might be able to 'forgive' what he has done.. but i dont think i will ever ever forget which means there isnt going to be any trust what so ever and is just going to cause more arguments everytime i cant trust him and its not fair to argue around LO when he is here. This is why im not taking him back as much as he is begging me.. If you cant totally forgive and forget then dont take him back because it really wont work if its always at the back of your mind.

 

[lorrilou]

i would suggest having a break for a while, let him get himself totally together and let u have time to think things through properly.

if u dont think you will be able to trust him again then i wouldnt put yourself through it.

 

[brownhairedmom]

I'm going to be the blunt one here and say no way on this God given earth would I stay with him. He does drugs, he cheats, he lies. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. My ex cheated on me with three girls but I didn't find out until I had already left him. If I had known before, he would have been out of my life last August.

I know you've got a baby coming and I know its a difficult situation, but in all honesty...if you think bringing a child into a relationship like that is going to make him change, it won't. Your trust has been broken, you're probably going to fight a lot more,and every fight will bring it up again.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. And in my experience, bringing a baby around won't be a "good enough" reason for him to stop using drugs either. I would think this through...make your own decision, but I know what mine would be.

 

[Younglutonmum]

Agree totally with Rae

 

[LilFlower08]

I agree with Rae too.... and like she said once a cheat always a cheat...

Although alot of feelings can hinder what you decision is, just think about it long and hard. Good luck hun xx