Absolutely terrified...

[you&me]

Hi...I don't know where else to post this...all the ladies over on the second tri boards are brimming with excitement...and me, well I am bloody terrified.

On christmas day 2005 my first little girl was born at 29 weeks by emergency c-section, weighing 2lbs 5ozs due to the sudden and severe onset of pre-eclampsia toxemia. She spent 7 weeks in SCBU.

I am now 14 weeks pregnant and so so scared of it happening again...I feel really guilty because I don't feel like I am enjoying this pregnancy as I have the worry, yet because it is mine and DH's first together I feel like for him I need to be showing excitment.

I am having mostly consultant led care, am on aspirin and calcium, booked in for a specialist scan at 24 weeks to determine the chance of it happening again...and booked for 4 weekly growth scans.

I fear that because of the worry I am carrying over it, that I have detached myself from the pregnancy, I can't let myself think too far ahead...and at the moment, I can't imagine myself being a mum to 2 children through fear of something going wrong. It sounds daft I know.

With Reagan I had all the time in the world to spend at SCBU with her...how on earth will I cope with a four year old, a new husband and a baby that I need time to bond with in SCBU if the situation does happen?...It is as if I am waiting on that 24 week scan to determine if I am a ticking time bomb or not.

Arghhhhhhh

 

[katy1310]

Hi

Sorry to hear you are so scared I can't offer any advice, but just wanted to say i had sudden severe pre eclampsia too, and had an emergency c-section at 27 weeks. Sophie has been in SCBU for 8 weeks now. We never wanted just to have one child, but the thought of it happening again terrifies me and I am sure that if we do decide to have another baby, I will feel exactly the same as you are now. I know we're a long way from thinking about a second baby, but we do want another one and the thought of going through all that again is really scary. I was one hour from organ failure and it wasn't looking good for Sophie right before they decided to deliver her that day. Thankfully she is thriving but the thought of having to go through all that again....and put another little one through all that...I am already constantly beating myself up for putting Sophie through all this - she has had to go through so much in her short little life and she is so tiny. I know there was nothing I could have done to change anything but I still feel bad for her. .

It sound like you're getting great care though and being carefully monitored which is a really good thing. And if - heaven forbid - it did happen again, I'm sure people would step in and help you take care of Reagan. People have been so great with us giving us so much help in all the ways they can- we don't have any other children but we live an hour from the hospital and people have been great offering lifts, helping us with our washing and ironing, cleaning etc. And in our unit, you're allowed to take siblings in.

I can totally understand your fears but hopefully it won't happen again...fingers crossed! You are doing all the right things.

xxxxx

 

[Fiestagal]

Someone I know of on another forum had her first baby at 28 weeks due to sudden PE, she has just had her second baby delivered at 39 weeks.

Here's hoping your pregnancy follows the same pattern

 

[AP]

The thing is, I have thought about this a lot. And we mums just have a way of getting on and dealing with things, just as we did when we first entered the preemie world. And that, has made me decide that I'll do it over again. I read yesterday that those that have one preemie only have a 15 per cent chance of it happening again. Of course, it depends on why we had our prems, but, the odds are pretty low! I was a 29 weeker, and I had a 27weeker, so for me personally,its become a way of life lol.

 

[you&me]

Thank you so so much for you replies

I spent last night going over and over things...I need to try and relax a bit, or I am going to drive myself crazy...the consultants are doing their job, so I need to find some peace in that.

I was all for staying team yellow, as I had with Reagan... but we decided last night it may be good to find out the gender to give me that bit of extra bonding and excitement, in a way I can refer to the bump as he/she rather than baby.

I know I need to take each day as it comes...and if it does happen...I know what to expect, I have survived it once and have a lovely healthy preemie princess, I am sure I could do it again if I absolutely had to...Although I did say to DH if it happens again, get them to sterilise me at the same time as my c-section...LOL

 

[Laura2919]

There is a lady on here who had her first at 32 weeks and then she went full term with her second. It can happen! I know its a worry. Going back to even think about it is awful let alone doing it all again.
Are they monitoring you more closely? I am sure this will make you feel a bit better.

Hope baby stays in huni

 

[you&me]

There is a lady on here who had her first at 32 weeks and then she went full term with her second. It can happen! I know its a worry. Going back to even think about it is awful let alone doing it all again.
Are they monitoring you more closely? I am sure this will make you feel a bit better.

Hope baby stays in huni

Thank you....These positive stories are giving me hope!!

I am having consultant led care, I was put on a combination of aspirin and calcium at 12 weeks...at 24 weeks I have a specialist doppler scan to check on the blood flow and oxygen getting through to baby....from then I will also have 4 weekly growth scans. I think my blood pressure checks will be changing to fortnightly, and I am being given a tub of those urine testing sticks to test at home with.

In the event it does reoccur, and if caught early they can control it for a bit, then it will be a definate c-section, be it emergency if it calls for, or an elective one.

If I do manange to get close to term, then as long as my blood pressure behaves itself, they are willing to let me attempt a VBAC, but have been told it would be with an epidural, as this has been known to keep blood pressure down in labour.

It all is really resting on that 24 week scan, which will tell what the chances of the pre-eclampsia making an appearance in this pregnancy is.

 

[MrsBop]

My friend had a 30-weeker and then went over with her 2nd. xx

 

[divadexie]

My 1st was born at 36 weeks, I had pre eclampsia that suddenly went really bad and I ended up fitting. He is a happy healthy almost 5yo now!

My 2nd was born 3 weeks ago, at 25 weeks! Pre eclampsia again!!

I had read/been told that the chances of getting pre eclampsia again werent that high, and that if I did get it again it was unlikely to be as bad.
I also got told/read that it was less likely as well as more likely to happen with a different partner!
So all pretty confusing!!

But I didn't think about it happening much, I had a few niggling thoughts like 'what if I get high BP again' and just assumed they would put me on tablets for it, because early babies is what happens to other people, you never imaine these things happening to you unless it's happened before (I didn't really see my son as that early as he wasn't even in scbu when he was born), so I don't think I was prepared for it atall. The paediatricians were meant to have come and talked to me and OH at the hospital, and take me on a tour of the NNU, the doctors had told us it was unlikely anything would go ahead that night but then suenly it was all go and OH didn't even make it back in time to come into theatre! I had no idea what would happen after that, where my baby was going or what they were doing and I didn't get to see her until over 12 hours later!!

It is damn hard having a preemie aswell as a 4yo. We arent anywhere near where Anna is, it takes 2 hours to get there, my partner has sundays and mondays off work so we stay on saturday and sometimes sunday night.
This also means we have to organise where my son is going and make sure my dad and next door can have a dog each.
Our families have been fantastic so far, we couldn't have done any of this without them, nor the staff in the NNU they are brilliant which you will know already having had a preemie, but IF things do happen early, you are at an advantage in that you know what happens. It's going to be scary thinking about the possibility of it happening, but you also know they are fantastic and more than capable of looking after preemies, if it's going to happen, it will, worrying about it isnt going to change anything

xxx

 

[you&me]

Anna is beautiful...and I hope she is continuing to do well and growing each day?

I am 'lucky' in the sense that our hospital and SCBU is only 15 minutes drive away, which makes things easier.

Thank you so much for your words, they couldn't be more true 'if it is going to happen, then worrying won't stop it'...