Abusive FOB

[JA1988]

What would you do if FOB is taking you to court but continues to send abusive and harrassing emails and voicemails in the meantime. I have a solicitor and have been advised that emails won't normally be used in court, so should I avoid responding to his communications. I only ever reply if it relates to his next visitation or asks how lo is, but other than that I avoid getting sucked into his discussions as I know it will just go round in circles and cause me unecessary stress. The only thing that bothers me is the things he says are outright lies and so contradictory, such as i offered him weekly access and he said he would rather only visit once a month as can't afford anymore than that but then aends a message saying he can't wait to take me to court for regular access!? I can't win! Should I just save all this to tell the courts/cafcass or defend myself and reply?

 

[jessrabbit]

Personally I would just save it all, like you said he is trying to draw you into a pointless dicussion that will go round in circles.

 

[Rhio92]

I'd save every single thing and not reply. Not even asking how LO is. Let him know if there's a problem like (god forbid) LO ends up in hospital for example. Stick to theagreed times and don't change them now.
Good luck with everything

 

[JA1988]

I'd save every single thing and not reply. Not even asking how LO is. Let him know if there's a problem like (god forbid) LO ends up in hospital for example. Stick to theagreed times and don't change them now.
Good luck with everything

Thanks hun, I just worry so much that if I don't reply when he asks how lo is then the judge will see me in a bad light. He always wants to change venues and go somewhere different to where I suggest so now I just tell him we will meet him at such and such a place and if he doesn't turn up then that's his problem. I can't wait for it to be sorted properly but am anxious at the same time about whether the judge will respect lo's routine etc. x x

 

[kgriffin]

only communicate with him through REGISTERED MAIL, that way you have a record that he has signed for and he can't deny it, this is reliable in court.

 

[xSophieBx]

Save everything. Don't message back or send him 1 last message and say I wish for no further contact from you and I want everything done through the legal channels. How often is he harassing you? As I've been advised to call the police as I had upto 22 missed calls in one day from FOB but never called the police as I was trying to be amicable but you can get an injunction against him. You have solicitors and his taking you to court anyway so why does he need to be hounding u. If your not already doing so, keep a diary of all contact etc aswell. x

 

[TiredNurse27]

report him, get an asbo on him

 

[myheadismush]

im sorry youre going through this hun...

i left FOB after 7 years of an extremely abusive relationship. he had zero input with the children during our time together, never fed or even held them let alone stayed alone with them. i never once called the police but after i broke it off, trying to be amicable i allowed him to visit 'the kids' at my house and he assaulted me again and left. i called the police immediately and had him arrested. from that point on i told him i wished for no more contact and i saved every single message and logged every call i didnt answer. that stuff made a bigger difference than the assult in the end because it proved it wasnt just a once of fit of rage like he tried to plead.
he now sees the children once a month for 3 hours and for the two years the restraining order was current it had to be done at the police station. he hasnt taken me to court to get more access because he is a deadbeat and he knows his BS wont stand in court. he is a waste of time in my boys life, they dont even veiw him as a father and he only continues his visits to keep an appearance in my life, grr!

just remember hun, other people arent silly, even if youre worried people wont see it they will know who is doing the wrong thing between the two of you. like someone above mentioned, write him a polite email stating that you will not reply to anything other than respectful conversation relating to your son and from then on stick to that. keep records of everything and just make sure you do the right thing and no one will think you are causing trouble

anything negative, threatening or nasty he sends to you will only work in your favour as if he takes you to court they will be looking at what sort of person he is to judge whether he will be a competent parent xox

 

[Snowball]

I agree you should save everything

 

[kirst1805]

I'd save every single thing and not reply. Not even asking how LO is. Let him know if there's a problem like (god forbid) LO ends up in hospital for example. Stick to theagreed times and don't change them now.
Good luck with everything

Totally agree with this hun.

xxx