access

[precious-gift]

for those who's ex's have access to children, how often do they see them?
i have told him as i will be breast feeding he can take baby away for long periods and i won't let him have baby overnight until at least a year old, also that i never want his g/friend to meet my baby (although that could be unrealistic in the long term, but couldn't cope with that just now), he has agreed to this, but i think this is only to stay in my good books and the baby isn't actually here yet. do you think im being unreasonable?

also how much do you get in maintenence, he said he would give me 100 p/w, which seems to be more than what any one else gets and can't see him keeping that up in the long term.

xx

 

[MummyMummy]

ex went to sols to get access, after i stopped him as he was taking piss wouldn't give set days times nothing and baby was refusing bottles, not sleeping properly just being a little terror in general. surprisingly enough it stopped when i stopped ex taking piss. it was agreed tue from 11am-4pm and sat 11am-4pm. i asked could we change sat to every other week, but that he could pick any other day he wanted baby on (though that never happened) andhe agreed it. so in end it worked out at tue and sat 1 week tue next week. though for over a month now we have heard nothing from himand he hasn't seen baby appart from for 3.5hours at the beginningof this over a month period. he never called/texted to ask about him/to speak to him before and hasn't now.

i asked him not to have his gfs around baby till they'd been together a while kwim? - yes, gfs. he's hadseveral in past while and although to quote he wasn't that ito them still wanted tointroduce them to baby. who's now 3. and he ignored that with last gf and has had her around baby several times it seems. to quote baby '*her name* and daddy always kiss infront of me' and he came back saying the word snog after being out with his dad.

asfar as maintenance it would be £100 a moth. i would also ask him to buy baby shoes every so often - he got bugger all off him so might aswell get something. it was also agreed he would pay half babys school fees (£50) but we cut babys hours down sohis money covered it all, i just didn't tell him that as for same reason does bugger all for baby so might aswell get something outta him kwim? school fees were paid for 1 month though, this month have had no maintenance or school money off him, nor ay texts to try and arrange something.

just wanted to add my ex takingthe piss with visiting times/not bothering has really messed myson up, he hasto be assesed by a health visitor for 'anxiety issues'.

alot of peoplehave said to me 'the noveltywill wear off' etc etc and that he'll have his own life and tbh it seems that way for me. i never expected ex to act/be how he has, but it just goes to show.

xXx

 

[precious-gift]

thanks, i do think the novelty will wear off, think sometimes im being mean to him to get a reaction, but i don't, he agrees to everything, which makes me think he really is not bothered about baby, i told him it was up to him to contact me when baby is born, he say he'll know when i ask him for maintanence when it is born, and that he would easily wait 2 weeks to see baby and start once fortnight access from there wtf, can't get my head around why someone wouldn't want to see their newborn child or at least fight for it, my baby deserves better that, can't believe that man i loved has turned into this monster.

xx

 

[xarlenex]

I get £80 a month, because I dont want anymore. With that and the Tax credits I get for Kyle its plently, he's offered more but I said no. Just as well as he's unemployed now!

Anyway, I split with Kyles dad when he was 8 months old so I was fully confident that hes more than able to look after him properly, so I let him John have him overnight, usually everyweek although its been difficult trying to get a routine! He'll make an excuse or just not call to arrange anything. So the overnight thing might not last to much longer!

 

[AppleBlossom]

My ex used to have Grace sat day till sunday evening by mutual agreement until he went behind my back and started seeing some guy (he is apparently bisexual) without telling me and this guy was around Grace. I went to a solicitor and he told me that legally, as he is paying his maintenance he is entitled to "little and often" which I think would work best with you if your going to BF. Basically 3 hours 3 times a week or something. However my ex thinks that the law is beneath him so I have compromised and he now has her all day saturday but not overnight once a week. Unfortunately though I don't think that, unless you have good reason, you can stop his gf from being around your LO. If the gf for example had a drink/drug problem or something then you could. I don't want any of my ex's bf's OR gf's around Grace because I don't want her to have any more "parents" however whe I eventually find a half decent guy I will want him to act like a daddy to Grace so it would be completely double standards.
As long as his name is on the birth certificate he has the same rights pretty much as you do however YOU call the shots on access. I would advise speaking to a solicitor if you aren't sure, they really helped me out x

 

[edinsam]

well mines wants absolutely no access at all so I guess I wont have that trauma

Re maintenance well he earns £350 a day so I want him to at least pay half my nursery fees when they come - they will be about £800 a month so I am asking him for £400.

Everytime we meet to chat about it he goes ballistic and storms off saying email me and I will discuss it on email. I have done that a week ago and no response so god knows how we are going to get this all resolved!

 

[sezzlebum]

when me and my ex first split he said he wanted to see them as much as poss, i didnt mind that, we arranged holidays alternatley id have them xmas mornings every year and we'd take it in turns with having them for xmas dinner. we'd also swap boxing days each year.

that was the plan

then he went into dickhead mode

after 3 weeks of me splitting up with him, his plans to get a new place not to far away etcetc went to pot when he moved in with a girl hed been seeing for a week (rolls eyes)

his "i want to see them as much as possible" turned into 4 hours a week on a saturday
and then hed just take them to his mums never did anything with them.
after a few weeks id started to potty train my youngest, she was doing really well but hed put nappies on her when he went to his mums, easy way out (i did find out his gf actually stopped him from doing that tho) one time the girls came back saying his gf had given them a bath at nannas. i was pissed at that as id never even met the girl, so having a complete stranger bath my girls made my blood boil.

i pulled him over it, just seemed like a joke to him, i gave up, was like talking to a brick wall.

6 week holidays came, i asked him to have them for a week, straight away he said no, no thinking about it just plain no.

he came to pick them up the following saturday, i went out with the kids.
saturday after, i went out with the kids again

i stopped him seeing them for the full 6 weeks until my eldest said she wanted to see daddy, i only let him take them because she asked up till then neither had bothered.

he agreed to have them once a fortnight over night... big of him but still better than nothin i spose and we've gone on from there.

5 years later, i loath and ditest him, my girls deserve better, they have better; my oh; i get on with the ex's girlfriend better than i do him (same girl he moved in with after we split)
his girlfriend got the girls doing horse riding and other stuff, they love her and im glad they get on