Adding baby to family with 7 y/o twins - one twin has severe anxiety. Any advice?

[duckytwins]

We are expecting #3 in about a month or so, and have 7 year old twin boys at home. A few days ago I noticed how when one of my boys gets overwhelmed, over stimulated or anxious, he plays with his hair. (He has always had a hard time with change). He's been doing it more and more lately, and last night, I found a pretty decent sized spot on the back of his head where he's pulled his hair out

I went online last night and found out there's a condition called trichotillomania, where someone has an uncontrollable urge to pull their hair out. It said online that it can come with an anxiety disorder. Now I'm freaking out over poor DS. He's been acting up quite a bit lately, so DH talked with him the other night. It seems he's really nervous about when the baby comes and how things will change. I asked him if he has any questions about how things will be different, but he can't seem to articulate what he's thinking or feeling. I have no idea what to do for him. I'm trying to spend extra time with the boys (cuddling on the couch, etc) but I don't know what to do to help him with his fears, thoughts, questions and (obvious) anxiety. I'm so upset that he's so upset and I just don't know what to do. I plan to call his pediatrician today to see what he says, then maybe call the psychologist at school, but the fact that he's so upset that he's pulling his hair out breaks my heart. I actually wondered last night if having another baby was a good idea, and I cried.

I don't want this baby to cause my poor, sweet little man so much stress. I never thought he'd have such a hard time with it and now I am feeling guilty for doing this to him.

 

[duckytwins]

Can anyone help at all??

 

[Eleanor ace]

Hiya, I haven't been in your position but just wanted to offer some . Your son may be scared of the unknown, not knowing how things will change when baby arrives and imagining all sorts of scenarios. I bet once the baby arrives he'll see that he's just as loved as before and feel happier. Has he had much experience of babies? I'm sure you already have but if not, I'd look at books about babies/younger siblings with him, watch shows about having a baby in the family and go over the equipment you have for the baby so that he gets a feel for what the baby will be doing. x

 

[duckytwins]

Thanks Eleanor! I spoke with his pedi yesterday and the psychologist at his school today. The psychologist is going to talk to him and see if she can pin down what's upsetting him so much. In the meantime, we have given him some things to keep his hands busy when he heads for his hair. It definitely seems to be a self-soothing action. But I can only imagine there's something he's worried/upset/anxious about too. Not only will baby be here soon, but we have also had a lot of bad things happen in the past 1-2 years.

His brother was hospitalized with Guillain-Barre for a month in January of 2011. My grandmother died in August of 2011, we lost a baby in December of 2011, and my sister died in July of 2012. My poor boys have been through way more in the past year or so than any little one ever deserves.

I just hope we can help him feel better about this baby. I hope he can eventually see it as a good thing, instead of something to be afraid of or upset about.

 

[Eleanor ace]

Aww it sounds like you've all been through a really rough time . Its great that the school psychologist is helping, hopefully he's fine in no time

 

[duckytwins]

He seems to be doing a little better. At first, he was embarrassed when we would remind him not to play with this hair and he would get angry. Now, he's actively telling me that he hasn't been playing with it.

The psychologist mentioned a book that she might have that could help. It's the Berenstain Bears and something about welcoming new baby. He likes the Barenstain Bears, so if she has the book, she said she'll send it home, and hopefully it will help further!