Adoption

[morri]

Id like to foser now but OH is a pleb and its still going through the whole selfish process, even when it comes to having his own kids.

Iv told him he needs to get used to the idea of fostering at some point cos its something i plan on doing.

LOL, you are such a bossy cow lozzy!

I love the idea of fostering, but, I think it would break my heart to let him/her go again, don't know if I am made of the right material, I have always been one for getting too involved, it would happen to me the same when teaching primary, some kids I just wanted to take them home because of whatever horrible home circumstances they were having.

For interesting reason I was not adopted into my aunts family but in foster care. So they never had to worry theat they have to giv me away again

 

[Kess]

I like the idea of adoption, but OH is dead against letting the social workers be so nosey and judgemental about our lives for the whole couple of years the aplication process takes. I also don't have much chance I think because at the time we would be thinking we'd have about 5 or 6 dogs. Social services are so judgemental I doubt they'd let us, even though that means leaving a child we could give a home to in care. I would also want a youngish child (though would be happy to take on a sibling group, or one with physical disabilities), and the only young kids who are up for adoption seem to be of other ethnicities and for some insane reason social services won't let a white couple adopt a black or mixed race baby (even though two of my cousins are black and one mixed race).

My parents foster. It does put me off a little, knowing how screwed up a lot of these kids are. The three sisters my Mom is fostering at the moment were described by the social worker as "delightful" and "easy" - they're anything but! The eldest is really really maipulative, both of adults and her special needs sister. The middle one has severe learning difficulties and speech problems, and the littlest one has other issues. They're a handful, even for my Mom who is very experienced with special needs, and kids in general, and my sister who works at a special school. The twin boys my Mom had before were also described as having no developmental or behavioural problems - both had ADHD and one had autistic spectrum disorder. I guess the lesson is to treat social workers like estate agents when listening to what they're saying.

 

[cookie25]

I was adopted at 8 weeks old. Best thing that has happened to me my whole life... feel very fortunate.

 

[buttonnose82]

I long to adopt a little girl from china but DP isn't really on board, I am not talking now but maybe 10 years down the line when we have had our biological children (this being if we are able to concieve). I have always wanted 4 children, DP says 3, so maybe I can convince DP to let me have my 4th by adopting from china hehe

 

[Pyrrhic]

Most people aren't able to adopt until the child is one or two years old. By then, they have gone through experiences that many of us won't ever go by, as the children's tutors, I was told the details and a pretty sore pill it was too swallow. Because of all of this these children need 10 times more attention, and many have learning difficulties.

We're planning on fostering, and adopting older children. Hence why we're waiting until our own children are grown up and left home. We would be looking at doing short term, and emergency fostering (1 year and less) for children aged 4-16 and would probably adopt a child in late childhood/early teens. I've worked with children with special needs, and behavioural problems and IMO these are the children that need the most love, and most attention.

 

[jenny873]

I would deffinatly concider fostering, I have a quite big house and a spare room so could accomodate 1 child, would also concider adopting but as others have said the invasive process puts me off. I want another LO of my own. I would never donate eggs or be a surrogate, reason being i could not live knowing a child of mine was out there and not knowing what kind of life it had. Same as i wouldnt let my OH dontate sperm (not that he wants to). My OH's mother has a drug problem and him and his siblings have gown up under the eye of the social services, his brother now 10 is a handful and has been in foster care twice and then his mother has got him back, i had him living here and he never even lasted a week, so maybe foster caring isnt for me either as i dont think i would be happy with a 'naughty' child (e.g: being arrested every other day, robbing from every shop we go in, this is what OH's brother did). lol x

 

[Kess]

I would deffinatly concider fostering, I have a quite big house and a spare room so could accomodate 1 child, would also concider adopting but as others have said the invasive process puts me off.

Honestly, the process for fostering isn't that different to the process for adoption. The first few stages are identical, including the horrible Form F, which is huge and goes into ridiculous detail about your life. That's the most invasive bit, and it's common to both fostering and adoption.

 

[calm]

Most people aren't able to adopt until the child is one or two years old. By then, they have gone through experiences that many of us won't ever go by, as the children's tutors, I was told the details and a pretty sore pill it was too swallow. Because of all of this these children need 10 times more attention, and many have learning difficulties.

We're planning on fostering, and adopting older children. Hence why we're waiting until our own children are grown up and left home. We would be looking at doing short term, and emergency fostering (1 year and less) for children aged 4-16 and would probably adopt a child in late childhood/early teens. I've worked with children with special needs, and behavioural problems and IMO these are the children that need the most love, and most attention.

Yes, it is very rewarding for both parent's and teachers.

 

[lozzy21]

I've worked with children with special needs, and behavioural problems and IMO these are the children that need the most love, and most attention.

My nanna fosterd all for as long as i can remeber upuntill a few years before she died and she would take in any child. Unfortunatly she ended up with the children who had learning disabilitys and ebd because no one else wold take then, Unfortunate that no one wanted them that is, not because she hed them. She looked after one little boy with learning disabiitys for 8 years and said if she had been 15 years younger she would have adoped him but because she was starting to get bad aurthritus (SP?) she wouldent be able to give him the care he needed when he got older.

Id love to adopt a downs baby but its going to take some convincing OH.

Iv seen what happends to children with learning disabilitys that are not put in to long term foster homes or adoped. The are shoved from one institution to another and the only "family"thay have are the staff and other clients.

 

[bunnyg82]

We would only look into adoption if we couldn't have a child of our own. We only want one or 2 children, so wouldn't consider adding to that by adopting.

As for fostering, I have had the experience of being a child and my parents fostering and it was really really hard on me and my sisters. The poor kids are so disturbed (understandably) that they need so much attention and usually behave in a way that they get that attention - and so it really really is hard being a kid with that going on around you. I may consider it when our child has grown up, but from personal experience would not consider it while the kids are still young.

That probably all doesn't come across as the nicest thing in the world, but it's honest and I don't think I am a bad person because of that (at least I hope you don't think so ) x

 

[calm]

We would only look into adoption if we couldn't have a child of our own. We only want one or 2 children, so wouldn't consider adding to that by adopting.

As for fostering, I have had the experience of being a child and my parents fostering and it was really really hard on me and my sisters. The poor kids are so disturbed (understandably) that they need so much attention and usually behave in a way that they get that attention - and so it really really is hard being a kid with that going on around you. I may consider it when our child has grown up, but from personal experience would not consider it while the kids are still young.

That probably all doesn't come across as the nicest thing in the world, but it's honest and I don't think I am a bad person because of that (at least I hope you don't think so ) x

I am sure you are not a bad person, that is just your experience, and is certainly something to take into account: the opinion of the child who has foster brother and sisters.

 

[sarah1989]

I really want to look into adoption, fostering, and surrogacy for when our biological children are older. I am not sure what is needed for surrogacy, but it is definately something I want to do.
I know these things are topics I have briefly discussed with DH and he never really said yes or no, but now that we have been ttc'ing for 14months, adoption/fostering may become an option for a child of our own
I think it is wonderful that there are so many people willing to do these things as there is such a large demand for it!!!

 

[ryder]

I have worked and helped out a foster family for years and it is such a great thing. I'd also love to be a foster home and maybe adopt!