advice desperately needed re donor sperm

[skb]

Hi

I am new to this site and using forums so hope i have posted in the right place? I just wanted to get in touch with people who have experience of using donor sperm, in particular in Liverpool.

I have just had my second failed icsi cycle which will also sadly be my last due to severe male factor. We had our follow up appt today and the consultant advised us that donor would be the best way to go. This is something that i have always been very scared about partly for all the common reasons connected to getting pregnant with another mans sperm, not having my husbands child...helping the child to understand their genetic origins and telling/explaining with a lot of worry about how that child will feel when it is older.

I would be really interested to hear from people who have perhaps had successful treatments with donor sperm who can perhaps reassure me a little as i feel petrified!

Also, if anyone can advise on waiting times at Liverpool. The consultant said that they sometimes import sperm from abroad if a match is not available but again, this really worries me.

Any advice or experiences that people would be willing to share would be really helpful to me. I currently feel so low with everything and do not know what to do for the best.

Thank you.

 

[maaybe2010]

Hiya hun,

I can't help but didn't want to read and run

Do you mind me asking about your male factor?
We have low - moderately low count, hit and miss morphology and motility and servre male anti-sperm antibodies.

We're in Liverpool and just got on the list for our first ICSI, I keep thinking about the possibility of donor sperm but I don't have the first idea about how to go about it!

Hope someone can give you answers.

x x x x x x

 

[RubyRainbows]

Hi skb! There is a post i started on here called: Considering at-home insemination with donor sperm...?

Come check us out!

We have over 1,000 posts! Many success stories! And lots of tips, advice, & support -- everything you need to know about donor sperm! And then some!

 

[skb]

Hi

Thank you both so much for replying to me!

Maaybe 2010, my husband was initially diagnosed with very low sperm count two years ago due to blocked tubes and we were advised to go for icsi feeling full of hope that it was the answer. After our first unsuccessful cycle in Dec09/Jan10 i did an awful lot of reading about male factor and embryo arrest (i started bleeding one week into the 2ww) and just had the feeling that something else was wrong. When i spoke to the consultant at the Women's hospital i asked if we could have further sperm tests done and they tested his DNA fragmentation which came back very high. This fits with our treatment results.....i produced 14 eggs on the first cycle but only one fertilised which we had transfered on day 3 (a six cell very good looking embryo) but bled 7 days post transfer. Low fertilisation and implantation is a common factor with DNA fragmentation.

We decided to have one last shot in July/August as it was a funded cycle and again, similar story....16 eggs, 5 fertilised and 2 put back but bleeding on day 7.

So...after much heartache we have come to accept that sadly because of the DNA issues it is virtually imposible for us to conceive our own child and were advised to consider donor sperm. It is heartbreaking and i feel so confused about what to do at the moment, hence seeking the support of others in similar situations.

To reassure you, it is the DNA that is the main issue, nothing can be done to change that. If it was just the low count and morphology then i would probably still hold out that icsi would be the answer. Dont let my experience fill you with any doubt. keep the hope!

Rubyrainbows.....thank you for this link. I am off to check it out!

Lots of love.

 

[Deb111]

Hi Skb

We're in a slightly different situation to you but I guess the outcome could be the same - hubby has been diagnosed with azoospermia and we are waiting on an SSR op to hopefully find some sperm to extract - otherwise we have to consider adoption or donor sperm.

I just wanted to stop by and send you a big hug and let you know you're not alone. It sucks BIG TIME that we have to go through something like this but I will be keeping my fingers crossed for both of us

Deb x

 

[skb]

Hi Deb

Thank you for your kind message and thoughts, it does help to know you are not the only one trying to survive all this. Sending you lots of best wishes back for your forthcoming SSR, fingers crossed this gives you a positive outcome so that you can proceed with your husbands sperm. That would be wonderful for you.

Life really is so unfair isnt it! big hig to you too and Lots of love.

x

 

[loobylou_01]

Hi skb,

We've had a similar situation to Deb, my DH was diagnosed with azoospermia last December, after tests etc we had our first IVF cycle in august with surgical sperm retrieval on the same day as ec (so we had a donor lined up in case it failed) and although they found some sperm they were of a poor quality and therefore our clinic advised that if we wanted the best chance of success we should use the donor. My wonderful DH made that decision as i would probably have tried with his sperm but he wanted us to have the best possible chance and we had spoken about everything for hours before hand. So we used the donor and i am now 7 weeks pregnant. Have our first scan on thursday which were terrified about!

It's a difficult decision to make but after TTC for over 2 years we both so desperately want a baby and want to be pregnant too and we both felt that it be better that we have a baby that is 'genetically' one of ours than neither. And throughout the whole process we have done everything together so it completely is my DH's baby. This whole process has brought us so much closer together too.

So that's my story! Good luck with your decision and know that we know how you're feeling and it's CRAP but there is some hope out there.

Big hugs xxx

 

[rosie5637]

Hi skb

big

my situation is a bit different to yours, i'm single and using a sperm donor. i got an excellent book from amazon that talks about all the questions and worries you've mentioned and a whole lot more.

heres a link

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Helping-St...=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1284978192&sr=1-1

good luck!

 

[skb]

Loobyloo, thank you for sharing your story and congratulations!! you must be so thrilled. To be honest it is my DH that is more keen than me as he loves the idea of having a little me and a baby that as you say is genetically linked to us. Do you mind me asking, please ignore me if i am being too personal and you do not wish to share, if you are planning to tell your child about thier conception. I think i would make the personal decision to tell as i could not cope with secrets, but that is just me obviously, everyone is different which i respect. It is this that worries me the most, how you manage this as they grow up and their views when they are older.
Good luck for your scan...it will be magical.

Rosie3567, Thank you for this link, i will check out the book it sounds really useful. Maybe this will help alleviate some of my worries mentioned above. All the best to you too on your journey to mummyhood.

 

[loobylou_01]

Skb - i completely understand what you mean about telling the child and i completely agree with you, we had to have counselling prior to this and they did talk about this. i want to talk about it with the child from an early age so that it isn't made into a big thing, understandably my dh isn't as sure, not helped by my mil i think who seems to think that we can just pretend. to be honest since we have got pregnant we haven't discussed it again but obviously we will once things are a little more certain. it is really hard and i do worry about it but ultimately i don't think it will matter to the child if a big deal isn't made of it and its normal from a young age. i am definitely not one for big secrets though i think it would be a disaster. we haven't told anyone that we've had to use a donor though except for our parents. everyone else has assumed that the ssr was successful.

there is a really good website, donor network : www.dcnetwork.org which has articles from donor conceived children and their families and it's really quite good, i found it helpful to have a look.

good luck with everything xxx

 

[Flake-y]

Hi there;

I'm in a similar situation to Deb & loobyloo; hubby was diagnosed with azoospermia in March. After an unsuccessful surgical sperm retreival, we decided to go with the donor which we used for our IUI treatment last Friday! So I'm curently in the 2ww, waiting to see if it's worked.

Our donor sperm came from the European Sperm Bank, based in Denmark; the donors our fertility clinic had weren't a good match for my DH. The ESB was fab, they have loads of donors & you can get loads of info about them, ie medical history, hobbies, job, qualifications, baby photo, staff impression, even an audio recording of them speaking. Once we had picked our donor, the DS arrived at the clinic about 10 days later so there was no delay.

Anyway, like Deb & loobyloo said, we want a baby that is half ours, and I know once we have a baby, DH will feel no different than if it was biologically his. We are also planning to tell our child as early as possible that they were born from a donor, so it's never a big shock to them.

Anyway, sorry for the novel, good luck with whatever you decide to do!!!

 

[maaybe2010]

Hi there;

I'm in a similar situation to Deb & loobyloo; hubby was diagnosed with azoospermia in March. After an unsuccessful surgical sperm retreival, we decided to go with the donor which we used for our IUI treatment last Friday! So I'm curently in the 2ww, waiting to see if it's worked.

Our donor sperm came from the European Sperm Bank, based in Denmark; the donors our fertility clinic had weren't a good match for my DH. The ESB was fab, they have loads of donors & you can get loads of info about them, ie medical history, hobbies, job, qualifications, baby photo, staff impression, even an audio recording of them speaking. Once we had picked our donor, the DS arrived at the clinic about 10 days later so there was no delay.

Anyway, like Deb & loobyloo said, we want a baby that is half ours, and I know once we have a baby, DH will feel no different than if it was biologically his. We are also planning to tell our child as early as possible that they were born from a donor, so it's never a big shock to them.

Anyway, sorry for the novel, good luck with whatever you decide to do!!!

Awww good luck hun!!
Hope it works well and your beanie is already in there

 

[skb]

Hi everyone

Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice. It has helped me so much to hear the experiences of others.

Loobylou, thanks for sharing your personal views on telling and explaining to a child about being donor conceived. It is reassuring to hear that others also worry about this and your positivity about this issue has helped me a little in my thought processes.

Flakey, thanks also to you for your thoughts and the reference to the european sperm bank. I didnt even know this was an option, i clearly have a lot to research! I hope with all my heart that you get the positive outcome you deserve at the end of your 2ww. All the best.

Good luck to everyone and thank you again.

 

[whlisa19]

Hi Skb

We're in a slightly different situation to you but I guess the outcome could be the same - hubby has been diagnosed with azoospermia and we are waiting on an SSR op to hopefully find some sperm to extract - otherwise we have to consider adoption or donor sperm.

I just wanted to stop by and send you a big hug and let you know you're not alone. It sucks BIG TIME that we have to go through something like this but I will be keeping my fingers crossed for both of us

Deb x

It's so difficult. Big hug After finding out the same about my husband we looked into the donor sperms and are crossing our fingers that multiple inseminations will get us to a baby