Advice from a Mother

[Mommyof7]

My teenage daughter is pregnant and as I was looking on the internet for things I came across this forum and was heartbroken by some of the teen stories. As a mother myself I have some things to say to some of you that I hope will make you think.

If you are pregnant then it is time to start thinking like a parent. You may be worried about telling your parents that you are pregnant but they love you just like you are going to love your baby.

They get upset and cry because they wanted so much more for you - just like you will want so much more for your baby.

Tell them the facts. The facts are: You are pregnant. You need their help. You want their help.

Understand some things. You are their baby. They wanted the world for you. At some point you lied to them either about where you were or what you were doing. They will feel upset. They hoped this day would never come. They will cry. They may yell. They don't mean to yell. You caught them off-guard. They want to turn back the clock and make you a baby again. They will get over the initial disappointment.

It is not just your life that will change. Theirs will too.

Ask for their help.

Trust the love that your parents have for you just like you will want your baby to trust you. It is time to put away the childish ways and be a parent.

You can all do this! Those of you that decide that adoption is best - and those of you that decide to keep your baby are in the same boat. You made a choice that may not have been the best at one point. Make the right choice now by going to your parents and letting them know. Early medical care is best for you and the baby.

Your parents are unlikely to hit you, kick you out or kill you. They will be sad. Love them for that and understand that you may be in your parents' shoes in 15 or 16 years.

One last thing here - I see where some girls are writing that they feel ashamed. STOP THAT! What is done - is done. Now be a grown up person and start asking for help. You and your boyfriend are not the important people anymore. Your baby is. Good luck to all of you girls. Personally, I'm proud of all of you that you realize how serious this situation is.

 

[Jemma_x]

Im only 18 myself and i think if i had read that when i had found out i was pregnant i would have been alot less nervous about telling my parents. I think it will help some of the other teens on the forum aswell, its a good piece of advice.

 

[lollylou1]

im not a teen mum but that advice is really nice and honest, and it may help some of the younger mums on here who are frightened of telling their parents. i agree that parents appear disappointed but because they love you they will be there to help

Lou
xxx

 

[Serene123]

The best thing I did was tell my mum straight away

 

[Leanne&Bump..x]

The best thing I did was tell my mum straight away

Same here..she knew straight after id taken a test.

 

[Serene123]

She cried for 2 days because she was so shocked, but I knew she'd still love me. She'd still love me if I killed someone, so giving her a grandchild is hardly competition with that?!

 

[buddabun]

I'm not a teenager myself but reading that really brought a tear to my eye.

I hope this comes in handy for worried teenage mums out there

 

[xarlenex]

Thanks, i'm sure that will help alot of the younger mothers who come on here looking for help and advice

 

[sophiecouldwe]

I'm 18 myself, not as young as some but still young and that advice really is great! i think if I'd have read that when I found out I would have found telling my parents that little bit easier. everything you said is compltley true and I think any parent is the same when it comes to their children and the love they have for them.
great advice

 

[AppleBlossom]

My mum was hysterical when I told her and cried for days as she had me when she was 20 and she knew how hard it was to be a young mum. Now she wouldn't know what to do without Grace!

 

[Ju_bubbs]

Thats a brilliant bit of advice! like others have said, I wish I had something like taht to read when I got pregnanct at 15, would have made everything a lot easier!

I've also found it helpful from the parent side too, altho my children aren't old enough to drop the pregnant bombshell on me yet, I have a 16 year old sister who has always come to me with everything, rather than mum.. She's on the pill, and is sexually active with her bf, so I've always wondered how to deal with it if the day ever comes that she knocks on my door and tells me she's pregnant!

 

[DonnaE26]

I was a teen mum i fell for my daughter when i was 15.I told my parents and they were so upset but they were with me every step of the way my daughter is 11 now and they are like 2nd parents to her i also have 2 other children now and 1 on the way but i think without my parents help from day 1 i wouldn't be the mum i am today.WTG mommyof7 that post couldn't of said it any better x x x

 

[Beth_18]

my mum is my best friend and i told her str8 away! x x x

 

[nikky0907]

My parents and I fell out when I told them I was pregnant and I saw them twice in the following 9 months. However once my daughter was born they came around and now love her so much.

It's good advice and a nice perspective given to the all the girls who come through here.
Good luck to your daughter and congratulations!

 

[jen1604]

Great advice--I think a lot of the girls will find that reassuring.Thanks for posting hun xxx

 

[LilFlower08]

I actually cried cos i've just told my mum last night and she is a little sad, but very loving. My dad well, thats a whole different ball game!

But it's lovely to see it from the eyes of my mum!

But now, i need to stop crying.... lol! xx

 

[Laura--x]

Great advice hun.

I told my mum as soon as i took the test. It was the best thing i done, tbh at the time i didn't even think about her reaction, i just needed to tell her. Shes been great the whole time.

 

[lesleyann]

i was 16 when i found out i was pregnant and was soo scared to tell my mum untill i got a letter and stamped on the fron was "peterbough and stanford hospital" so i had to tell her but it was the best thing ever and she did not yell or anything such a big weight of yoru shoulders once you tell them

 

[TashaAndBump]

The best thing I did was tell my mum straight away

Snap. I was 18, so not as young as some but it was the biggest shock I ever could have had. I went to the docs expecting to be told I had gastroenteritis or something, and got whammed with a whopping ! I had been using birth control religiously, so to say it was a shock is an understatement.

I was in college, I hadn't even finished my A-levels. I was living at home, my boyfriend and I had only been dating 6 months and he lived 200 miles away from me.

I had no job except for a measly part time weekend do waitressing in some bar... I went into complete shock - no idea how I was going to cope, what was going to happen... I couldn't be a MUM, could I?! Yet I didn't agree with abortion... I just didn't have any idea what to do... It was like a disaster. I almost didn't believe it was happening to me... I was so sensible!

Then I asked the nurse bring my mum in... and it was like an immediate relief from that big fat mess in my head! She saw the test, wrapped her arms around me and told me that everything would be alright.

She DID throw me out in time but it was the best thing for me. To get me to stand on my own two feet. I was a mum now, I didn't have the luxury anymore of living at home like a child and I understood my mum couldn't do everything for me anymore I had to learn to live for myself.

My boyfriend moved down with me and we are now married and trying for our second baby... things are going so well, I am doing an open university course in health and social care and my long-term plan is to become a neonatal nurse, but first I am going into midwifery

What I'm trying to say is... Everything became clear and a lot less scary after my Mum knew. It was like, a great big weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Before that I was a big mess in my head and just didn't know what to do... But she helped me to figure it all out. I'm sure she was disappointed - I was the most academic child of her lot! (although we are all successful now, I am planning to go to uni, my brother has just finished his mental health nursing degree, my sister (also a teen mother - became pregnant at the same age as me) is now also married to the father of her child, and she just keeps climbing the ladder in her career. I'll not state what it is in case she googles the company she works for and finds my safe haven of BnB! ) but she didn't show it to me, too badly.

She sat down with me the next day, after I had had time to let it sink in, and talked about my options. I had already decided I was going to keep it, so she told me I would need to move out, either on my own or with my now-husband. I spoke with Dominic and he told me he decided to move down here... then she taught me how things work when you live on your own. She then moved onto education and I decided it was best to put things on hold until the baby was born, so I only had AS levels, but now like I say I am on my way to becoming a midwife! She was so calm and worked through the mess in my head with me, helped me untangle it all. I know it sounds harsh that she kicked me out but she did it in a nice way, honest! I am glad she did, too! I can't imagine living under her roof like a child, when I have a child myself! It just wouldn't work for us lol

Anyway, my point is, everything inevitably does work out in the end... there comes a time (should you choose to keep your baby) that you couldn't imagine your life without them. That time is generally from the moment they are born. You will look back and won't believe you were so confused and scared - sometimes they (your child) are the only thing that makes sense about your life!

Everyone gets where they are going in the end... A child will slow you down, yes, but it does not have to stop you achieving what you are dreaming of for your future... but it's impossible to cope with the new pregnancy without support. Your parents can help you make a decision how to go on from now, support you through whatever you decide to do in the long run, and help you figure out how.

The best thing you can do, if you haven't already, is tell your parents. Trust me, however they react - good or bad, it will be a weight off of your shoulders and then you can stop worrying about that and start thinking about what to do next... Your parents are the best people to help you now.

I know I've gone on a bit here, sorry to kind of gatecrash the thread... I hope that the point I was trying to make comes across somehow I know it is rather garbled up!

All the best of luck to everyone with their pregnancies and in the future, too! I know it is daunting, but not for too long I promise. Things always work themselves out in time

 

[tasha41]

I waited a bit before I told my parents.. I waited 4 weeks until my dad went away on a business trip and I knew I could tell my mom on her own! So, told my mom. The next day my dad was coming home, so my mom told him. When he talked to me, I remember thinking.. "why the hell did I tell them?" because he was relentless about harassing me to have an abortion.. but he backed up (eventually).

They didn't kick me out, and I'm really close with my mom now My dad barely talks to me, and when he does, it's never anything I want or need to hear TBH.. I can't very well ignore him because he's allowing me to live at home, but at the same time it's obvious his "support" is not from the heart it's more.. because my mom says so. Baby's due in March, we'll see how that changes!!

But as soon as I told them it was a huge relief, it was scary but I didn't have to worry and stress over it anymore. And, it really was the best thing I ever did.. my family (aunts, cousins- everyone but my dad really) has been great about it all and helped a lot financially etc.