Advice from Experienced Moms and Women.

[Sentiment]

Ok, so I'm 18, and by some miracle I got pregnant from losing my virginity. We used a condom, from what I saw it didn't break, but it had some type of micro
holes. So this baby has overcome some major odds, and although im scared to death, I already love this baby a whole lot.

Now, about 8 weeks ago, I figured something was up because my body was acting crazy, and I first started suspecting something when I had a random cramping fit about 2 weeks before my period, and I took a test and the positive was so faint that I had to hold it under the sun to even see it. But, I told him and he said I was imagining it, so I agreed, but my body was still going crazy, so I kept testing and got iffy results, and my period came, so I gave up.

Around this time, he called me a crazy bitch and completely cut off all contact with me. I didnt say anything because I was still extremely confused. But I still kept testing despite getting my light periods and iffy test. And these lines got darker and darker, and finally my 12th week I got a line that showed up on pictures and made a thread here to confirm it.

Well, I've been keeping this secret from the father since week 8, and I finally told him 2 nights ago, and he is still in denial, and I dont blame him. Because I'm pretty amazed myself.

It turned into a fight because, I accused him of not caring, because he refered to the baby as a little fucker, or racial slurs because I'm black, and he just blew up.

Because YOU FUCKING DIDN'T WANNA FUCK god chin up fucker take that shit and brush it off really? I'm still having a hard time figuring out how I'm childish about this siuation. We didn't want this Bria I know it's a fucking crap situation I mean really do I have super semen or something? But u gotta be a fuckig **** about it. If u think I don't care about my own fucking kid you don't fuckig know me but really I can't fucking stand u Bria I'm sorry if I want to steer as far away from u as possible And I'm sure I'll be demonized by you to it. Really I don't know what to do I'm 2000 miles away if u were close fuck yeah I'd keep updated because I could interact and know my child but I won't be able to. It just seems that either I can take care of it or pretty much be non existent. Send some pics or something every now and then. I want as little communication with u as possible thanks for fucking reassuring me of that as well. Knew it was a mistake but I tried Jesus I hope u die during labor If u are pregnant. If not gg troll ( the dying parts a little much but yeah...)

So, I'm guessing how he feels about the whole situation.


But my problem comes here, I really want him to be in this baby's life no matter what, but Im concerned if actually trying to make him participate will be a mistake, and badly influence this child.

I'm also having trouble with finding a job, and depression.

I'm asking you guys your opinion on this situation, and if you could give me some tips to make him come around, and some tips to save money.

Thank you

 

[emalou90]

well to be blunt hun, any boy/man who speaks to you like that deserves nothing to do with your baby. when a woman is pregnant, they need to be treated well, just as they would if they wern't pregnant.

You dont have a job? (im assuming as you said about finding a job being hard)
That's not too important at the moment but keep looking and chin up.

Money wise, have you got any family who may provide for you until baby is here?
but in all honesty, the father should step up and pay his way. (not sure if you're in the uk or not) If you're not unless you have insurance i think this getting pregnant thing costs a lot of money, in which case he needs to help you pay.

Again the thing is with babys daddy, if he wants to be involved he can, you're willing to involve him i take it. Just a tip, if he doesnt want to be involved, he needs to give you money for his child. You can send photos like he said, and maybe letters telling him about the baby too. Even if he says he doesnt want to be involved there will be part of him proud when he reads about your baby.

hope i helped.. good luck hun and we're all here for support xxxx

 

[LittleMadam]

I understand you want him to be in his baby's life but, honey, it's upto him. He knows about the baby and now it is his turn to make the next move. If he does not, you will both be fine without him. As a parent, you just get on with things. Judging by what he said to you, you are both better off without him. You and baby can do without all that anger. aggression and resentment.

My advice would be to stop all contact and prepare for your baby and wait to see if he gets in contact with you. Don't pester him with texts, calls, e-mails, etc because it never works and only makes you seem without pride or dignity. So make the most of a bad situation and get on with your life with LO.

All the best.xxx

 

[Sentiment]

Thank you for your words of wisdom, I havent talked to him since, and he hasnt bothered to talk to me, or even ask about his own child.

The thing that pisses me off the most, is that he wanted this child, he tried to convince me not to use a condom, and now that he got bored with us, he doesnt care anymore.

I was gonna talk to his mom and dad, but im not sure if that's crossing the line


also with my family, I'm not sure if they would help me

 

[Ju_bubbs]

When it comes to men like this who play with your head, parenting is a LOT easier without them around. Tbh, if it was me as you've obviously told him you want him involved, I would now leave it, forget about him and get on with preparing to be a mum! At the end of the day, it's going to be him taht misses out, it sounds like your baby wil be better off without a father like that in his/her life.

 

[AppleBlossom]

Tbh I wouldn't want a man that spoke to me like that in my child's life whatsoever. Seems he has an awful lot of growing up to do

 

[billy2mm]

ok he said he wants you to die during labour?!? what kinda twisted sick person is he????

i wouldnt want that kind of person around my child ever! run as far away as you can from him!!

 

[Sentiment]

Thank you girls, He says he cares about his child, but I think he loves himself more. If he had my baby and I had to move across the country to be with him/her then I would.

I have a feeling in the back of my heart he is going to pretend we don't exist and continue doing drugs and getting drunk 24/7

I hope he realizes this child is his kick in the ass to straighten up and sober up.

I have a question about child support too, since we're in across the country from eachother, how does that work, does he have to come here and go to court?

 

[billy2mm]

Thank you girls, He says he cares about his child, but I think he loves himself more. If he had my baby and I had to move across the country to be with him/her then I would.

I have a feeling in the back of my heart he is going to pretend we don't exist and continue doing drugs and getting drunk 24/7

I hope he realizes this child is his kick in the ass to straighten up and sober up.

I have a question about child support too, since we're in across the country from eachother, how does that work, does he have to come here and go to court?

where do you live hun?

 

[Sentiment]

louisiana, USA

 

[billy2mm]

louisiana, USA

ah no idea about how it works in america hun i only know about the uk! sorry

 

[Sentiment]

Thank you for trying, I really appreciate it.

I've been crying non stop this morning, I feel extremely useless

 

[billy2mm]

Thank you for trying, I really appreciate it.

I've been crying non stop this morning, I feel extremely useless

you are not useless!!! you are growing an amazing baby and he is a total waste of fresh air!!!

 

[scottishgal89]

ok he said he wants you to die during labour?!? what kinda twisted sick person is he????

i wouldnt want that kind of person around my child ever! run as far away as you can from him!!

Couldn't agree more.

You can do this without him hun.
Chin up

 

[LittleMadam]

Sentiment,

The link below is for Louisiana's DCFS. They can take your ex to court and enforce child support arrangements (by taking it from his wages) irrespective of where he is in the US.

https://www.dss.louisiana.gov/index.cfm?md=pagebuilder&tmp=home&pid=137

Just give them as much information as you can as to his whereabouts. Also, have you applied for public assistance and Medicaid???

Best. xx

 

[SRTBaby]

Do you still live at home? You parents should know by now that you are expecting, what are they saying?

 

[Sentiment]

Sentiment,

The link below is for Louisiana's DCFS. They can take your ex to court and enforce child support arrangements (by taking it from his wages) irrespective of where he is in the US.

https://www.dss.louisiana.gov/index.cfm?md=pagebuilder&tmp=home&pid=137

Just give them as much information as you can as to his whereabouts. Also, have you applied for public assistance and Medicaid???

Best. xx

I didnt see this, thank you. And yeah im gonna apply for WIC and all those things.

And I'm starting to show, but I have a little bit of extra padding so, it's not really super noticeable yet.

I don't trust anyone including my family, so I am trying to support myself

 

[TattiesMum]

Hi Hon

Can I ask why you don't trust your family? Feel free to tell me to mind my own business though lol.

It's just that I am a Mum to a teenage Mum... Tattie was 17 when she fell pregnant, 18 when she had my gorgeous grandson and has just turned 19. I'm sure she was nervous about telling us when she was first pregnant but, although we were concerned for her and her future, we love her way too much to turn our backs and we adore our grandson and wouldn't be without him

That's the thing about being a parent the love and acceptance is unconditional and we have done, and will continue to do everything we can to help and support them both. Not just in financial ways where we can but also with tons of love and practical help.... that's what we are here for

Please talk to your family Hon - you may well be pleasantly surprised by how supportive they are, once they have gotten over the initial shock As for your FOB .... frankly you are well shot of him sweetie

 

[Sentiment]

Well my mom has dated drug addicts, and alcoholics, abusive men and when i finally could tell her I didnt like it, she has ignored me and kept doing it.

and even now she is dating a loser, I just don't trust her.

I made bad grades once in high school, and my grandfather basically called me worthless. So, i don't really trust him.

I just don't trust anyone, the father was the last person I could actually form a connection with.

I just feel really alone and a failure.

 

[TattiesMum]

Of course you're not a failure Hon and you aren't on your own either .... you have a little person growing inside

I understand what you are saying about your Mum having bad taste in men - and not taking your views on board about them .... but for all that she is still your Mum Tell her .... she is going to find out sooner or later anyway.... and at least let her have the chance to step up to the plate If she lets you down, well it's going to hurt, but that's what you were expecting anyway, so you are really no worse off and if she doesn't let you down then that is a huge unexpected bonus

Even if she does let you down then you are STILL not on your own There are lots and lots of groups in the states who will help you with housing, clothes and equipment for your baby, finding a job and helping you get on your feet so that you can provide for you and your LO