Advice from those comfortable with CIO

[zorak]

Hi there,

First off I know CIO is not for everyone but we did it with my eldest and it worked a charm so I want to do it with my youngest too.

Back story
Baby is now 10 months old. It's been a crazy 10 months involving an international move, living between both our parents homes then moving into our own house last month. I should have sorted his sleep before now but sleeping arrangements didn't allow it and I just had to do whatever I could to keep him quiet.

He was breastfed until 6 months then my supply died abs we switched to formula. I had worked so hard on reducing his night feeds but within the past month he's had gastric flu then a bad cold so I felt if he wanted fed at night I just had to give it to get fluids into him. But now he's healthy and its like having a newborn again. He's waking every two hours wanting fed! He's a big boy abd takes both loads of milk and solids during the day so really doesnt need it.

I think I've reached my breaking point despite my husband trying to help to. I'm such a light sleeper I get woken anyway. Would it be awful to just go cold turkey on the night feeds and let him CIO? He goes down for the night at 7.30pm and gets a full 8oz before bed.

 

[loeylo]

Could you try giving him another feed? My wee one gets 8oz at 8pm then sleeps, but before we go to bed we give her another feed - we have done this since pretty young.

We haven't specifically done CIO as she has always slept and there has never really been the need, however I'm not adverse to her crying for a while if I know her needs are met.

My wee one sleeps through for 10-12 hours, however she usually has been asleep for about 2 hours before we get her up.

 

[lau86]

Is he having good feeds when he wakes at night? If it was me I probably wouldn't go cold turkey but try and stretch him out first. It depends on how exhausted you are really.

 

[zorak]

For long enough he's woke for a feed around 11pm abd it makes no difference. He wants more two hours later. So I think if I'm going to do CIO I need to do away with that one too so he gets the message that cot= sleep time.

It's a nightmare, even cosleeping doesn't help. My eldest would settle so easily in our bed but youngest just uses it as an easy way to beg for more milk.

 

[loeylo]

What about handing him a bottle of water and letting him feed himself the water?

 

[zorak]

What about handing him a bottle of water and letting him feed himself the water?

He's not very good at holding his own bottle, always ends up soaked. May give it a try though.

 

[zorak]

I think everyone is right I'm going to struggle to go cold turkey. It's just soul destroying when we've been through it already before he got sick.

His personality is so much more forceful than my first, amazing how different babies can be.

 

[loeylo]

My baby is also really strong willed. If I dare move the bottle out her mouth for even a second she kicks me and screams. Its hard work but I guess all babies are different!

 

[sheebee]

Honestly, it sounds like he needs it at the moment. It may not be logical to us parents but babies are very good at knowing what they need, and sometimes we just have to trust them. This too shall pass, it won't last forever.

 

[Aliop]

I think him feeding every two hours is his way to resettle himself between sleep cycles not an actual sign of hunger.

How does he settle to sleep for the night?

I don't know that I'd go cold turkey on the night feeds but I'd definitely look at how he is settling and look at stretching his feeds to reduce the number. First step though I think is self settling so that he can then resettle through his sleep cycles without the aid of feeding. If you can do that then he won't need to cry.

I have read about settling on the first wake and feeding on the second with the theory that they begin to wake later for each wake, don't know how true the theory works out as my LO is only 6months but I feel your pain! I have to bite the bullet and work out self settling with mine for night sleep

 

[hlynne]

So, I used CIO and I went cold turkey. Your son has had a lot of moving around though and in my opinion I wouldn't use CIO unless you are sure that he is comfortable in the place that he is now in (I don't know how long you have been living in your current home).

So at 4 months, my son was gaining weight properly. At that time he was in the 90's percentile for weight and length. I definitely knew he was getting enough food during the day because I am a stay at home mom. My issue was that I would feed him (he has been breastfeed and still is) and then once I put hm in his crib he would cry. I would then repeat the process until he finally was in a deep sleep and I could put him down. He would also wake up at 3am to eat. So, I did CIO by just putting him in his crib after I feed him and let him cry. The first night he cried 16 minutes and fell asleep. It wasn't a crazy balling cry, it was a, I'm mad cry. So that night he woke at his usual 3am and I got up and feed him. The next night I put him to sleep the same way and I think he cried for about 2 minutes and then went to bed. That morning he woke up at 3am and I let him cry. He cried again for exactly 16 minutes (weird, I know) and fell back to sleep. The next night I put him down and he didn't cry at all, he woke up at 3am, fussed a bit and went back to sleep. That was it. CIO was easy for me. It took me a couple of days with such minimal crying and now he sleeps 7-7, sometimes 7-6. I never had a problem with him waking up again.

I did CIO because I couldn't stand walking around like a zombie anymore. When my son would wake up at 3am I could never fall back to sleep. So my day started at 3am every day. My son's Dad never helped me with anything from day 1. Literally nothing. I still did everything in the house and did every single thing with my son. He had only held him 5 times. He has been out of the picture for a month now. So I had to do whatever I had to do to get my son to sleep. Thank goodness it was so easy. I am not saying that every baby is as easy as mine though. I'm sure they aren't, but I have read many success stories.

Sorry for the long story. I hope it works for you, whatever you do decide to do!

 

[sheebee]

So, I used CIO and I went cold turkey. Your son has had a lot of moving around though and in my opinion I wouldn't use CIO unless you are sure that he is comfortable in the place that he is now in (I don't know how long you have been living in your current home).

So at 4 months, my son was gaining weight properly. At that time he was in the 90's percentile for weight and length. I definitely knew he was getting enough food during the day because I am a stay at home mom. My issue was that I would feed him (he has been breastfeed and still is) and then once I put hm in his crib he would cry. I would then repeat the process until he finally was in a deep sleep and I could put him down. He would also wake up at 3am to eat. So, I did CIO by just putting him in his crib after I feed him and let him cry. The first night he cried 16 minutes and fell asleep. It wasn't a crazy balling cry, it was a, I'm mad cry. So that night he woke at his usual 3am and I got up and feed him. The next night I put him to sleep the same way and I think he cried for about 2 minutes and then went to bed. That morning he woke up at 3am and I let him cry. He cried again for exactly 16 minutes (weird, I know) and fell back to sleep. The next night I put him down and he didn't cry at all, he woke up at 3am, fussed a bit and went back to sleep. That was it. CIO was easy for me. It took me a couple of days with such minimal crying and now he sleeps 7-7, sometimes 7-6. I never had a problem with him waking up again.

I did CIO because I couldn't stand walking around like a zombie anymore. When my son would wake up at 3am I could never fall back to sleep. So my day started at 3am every day. My son's Dad never helped me with anything from day 1. Literally nothing. I still did everything in the house and did every single thing with my son. He had only held him 5 times. He has been out of the picture for a month now. So I had to do whatever I had to do to get my son to sleep. Thank goodness it was so easy. I am not saying that every baby is as easy as mine though. I'm sure they aren't, but I have read many success stories.

Sorry for the long story. I hope it works for you, whatever you do decide to do!

Do you not think that "walking around like a zombie" is just part of having very small children? 4 months seems very young to do any sort of 'cry training'. Do you wonder what other messages he may have received by doing this?

 

[loeylo]

So, I used CIO and I went cold turkey. Your son has had a lot of moving around though and in my opinion I wouldn't use CIO unless you are sure that he is comfortable in the place that he is now in (I don't know how long you have been living in your current home).

So at 4 months, my son was gaining weight properly. At that time he was in the 90's percentile for weight and length. I definitely knew he was getting enough food during the day because I am a stay at home mom. My issue was that I would feed him (he has been breastfeed and still is) and then once I put hm in his crib he would cry. I would then repeat the process until he finally was in a deep sleep and I could put him down. He would also wake up at 3am to eat. So, I did CIO by just putting him in his crib after I feed him and let him cry. The first night he cried 16 minutes and fell asleep. It wasn't a crazy balling cry, it was a, I'm mad cry. So that night he woke at his usual 3am and I got up and feed him. The next night I put him to sleep the same way and I think he cried for about 2 minutes and then went to bed. That morning he woke up at 3am and I let him cry. He cried again for exactly 16 minutes (weird, I know) and fell back to sleep. The next night I put him down and he didn't cry at all, he woke up at 3am, fussed a bit and went back to sleep. That was it. CIO was easy for me. It took me a couple of days with such minimal crying and now he sleeps 7-7, sometimes 7-6. I never had a problem with him waking up again.

I did CIO because I couldn't stand walking around like a zombie anymore. When my son would wake up at 3am I could never fall back to sleep. So my day started at 3am every day. My son's Dad never helped me with anything from day 1. Literally nothing. I still did everything in the house and did every single thing with my son. He had only held him 5 times. He has been out of the picture for a month now. So I had to do whatever I had to do to get my son to sleep. Thank goodness it was so easy. I am not saying that every baby is as easy as mine though. I'm sure they aren't, but I have read many success stories.

Sorry for the long story. I hope it works for you, whatever you do decide to do!

Do you not think that "walking around like a zombie" is just part of having very small children? 4 months seems very young to do any sort of 'cry training'. Do you wonder what other messages he may have received by doing this?

Sorry but I find this reply quite rude and unhelpful. There's no need to criticise another mums decision, she is obviously happy with her choice and it is in the past so there is no point trying to "educate" her.

And no, id say being so tired that you feel like a zombie is not normal. Mums are still people too, and an exhausted mum is not a happy mum. Happy mum = happy baby.

 

[RaquelDee]

Do you not think that "walking around like a zombie" is just part of having very small children? 4 months seems very young to do any sort of 'cry training'. Do you wonder what other messages he may have received by doing this?

Given that the OP was looking for advice from 'those comfortable with CIO' and you clearly aren't, and given that the poster you criticised is referring to something she did nearly six months ago, your judgement masquerading as concern is utterly unhelpful.

OP, I don't think it can hurt to try it and see what happens. Some babies respond well and others don't. I spent months trying to shush and rock my bub back to sleep during nap transitions, which never worked. I discovered by accident that she actually resettles much better if I just leave her to grizzle for a few minutes, and her (mercifully rare) night wakings are much the same.

 

[hlynne]

Do you not think that "walking around like a zombie" is just part of having very small children? 4 months seems very young to do any sort of 'cry training'. Do you wonder what other messages he may have received by doing this?[/QUOTE]



Just so you know. Everyone who sees my son for more than 5 minutes says that he is the happiest baby ever. No one can understand how a baby can be so happy all the time and not cry hardly ever. I am doing something RIGHT!

I'm doing the best I can every minute for my son. Turns out he is just fine. I am very happy that I was able to teach him how to self settle. I couldn't ask for a happier/healthier baby. He's much happier having a good nights rest.

Far be it from me to judge anyone else's parenting methods. Do what is right for you and I will definitely do what is right for me and my child.

Blessings.....hope you have a good week.

 

[Elizdia]

I totally understand you, its so hard and you want to make the best decision. I think at 10 months he doesn't nutritionally need the night feeds so i would maybe give him his last feed at 7.30-8pm and then i would leave him to CIO personally, obviously monitored and if he doesn't stop then maybe just go in and soothe him but don't give him the milk otherwise you won't break the habit. I know i sound brutal but you are doing it for his own good. Its so he can have a good nights sleep uninterrupted. I'm sure him being up all hours of the night effects how he is in the day. I did this when my LO was 4 months old. From 3 months he was having a dream feed at 11pm and waking at 7am. Then at 4 months we moved that 11pm to 10.30pm and about a week after i skipped the 10.30pm dream feed but he did wake and cry, I would leave him for maximum 10 mins and he would just go back to sleep. He did this for 2 days and since then bedtime is at 7.30pm - wakes at 7.30am. I think babies are creatures of habit and as they grow we need to change those habits. I really don't think there is much more behind it, well there isn't with my LO, he's makes a fuss for a bit and then changes his routine white easily. I was surprised how quick he picked it up.

 

[Elizdia]

Do you not think that "walking around like a zombie" is just part of having very small children? 4 months seems very young to do any sort of 'cry training'. Do you wonder what other messages he may have received by doing this?

Given that the OP was looking for advice from 'those comfortable with CIO' and you clearly aren't, and given that the poster you criticised is referring to something she did nearly six months ago, your judgement masquerading as concern is utterly unhelpful.

OP, I don't think it can hurt to try it and see what happens. Some babies respond well and others don't. I spent months trying to shush and rock my bub back to sleep during nap transitions, which never worked. I discovered by accident that she actually resettles much better if I just leave her to grizzle for a few minutes, and her (mercifully rare) night wakings are much the same.

Totally agree!! Letting my baby grizzle for a few mins for 2 days before he learn to sleep through the night was the best decision as now if he wakes up in the night he just self soothes himself back to sleep and is such a happy little boy. Some babies prefer to resettle themselves and i think that's a huge milestone. If i was to go in his room every time he had a little cry, that would be the worse thing, he would constantly be waking. I just watch him in the monitor to see he is ok.

 

[loeylo]

I think there is a difference between letting a hungry/dirty/wet/cold etc baby cry themselves to sleep (traumatic) than helping a baby learn to self settle when their needs have been met. To let children learn you need to give them the opportunity to learn. A child can never self settle if they aren't allowed the opportunity to do so.

It isn't for everyone, but the OP asked for advice for those who are comfortable with it.

 

[sheebee]

I really didn't mean to cause any offence, I really don't think there is anything wrong with an honest conversation around infant sleep.

 

[zorak]

Hey.
We've been in our current home for over a month and I think he's happy and settled here now. He actually self settles really well when he goes down for the night. I don't feed to sleep. He has his bottle then goes down awake. I pat his bum for 30 secs then leave. Most of the time he's like that after the 11 pm feed. It's any after that that are a nightmare.

He's still getting over his cold at the moment so I will keep going to him just now and try to reduce the feeds if I can. After that I think I'm going to just have to leave him to it for a few nights.