Advice needed from LTTCers please

[GoooRooo]

Firstly, I would like to say that I hope you all get your BFPs very soon. I was a long term TTCer and got lucky, so wish you all the same luck.

When I was LTTC, one of the things I found difficult to handle was friends and family's pregnancy announcements. I would be genuinely pleased for them, but would always be tinged with sadness that it wasn't me...again.

In particular, I found Facebook announcements quite difficult. Especially those girls who changed their profile picture to their scans for 6 months or so so it was unavoidable. And then to hear them go on and on about their pregnancies.....even if they knew I was struggling with infertility.

I realise this was completely MY issue and that everyone has the right to feel completely OVER THE MOON about their pregnancy - I certainly do now. However I am conscious that I do not want to put other people in the same position I was then.

I have one friend who is struggling to conceive. She has had one miscarriage and is diagnosed with endometrisis and is now seeing private fertility consultants. She was one of the first people I called to tell her about my pregnancy - not because I wanted to rub her face in it, but because I didn't want her to hear it from someone else and think that I was avoiding her. She was very excited for me and full of congratulations. Whether she was quietly upset when I wasn't within earshot, I don't know, but I was very grateful to her for being so pleased for me.


Now here is my dilemma:

We live a long long way from most of our friends. We have told our closest friends and family that we are pregnant, but there are lots of other people who don't know. My husband would like to just announce it on Facebook after our 12 week scan, all being well. I am conscious that I don't want to hurt this girl's feelings - and that we may well have other friends who are struggling with fertility that we don't know about.

On the one hand, I want to be able to shout it from the roof tops that we are FINALLY pregnant and be able to celebrate it like other people do. On the other, I don't want to rub anyone's face in it.


So what say you LTTCers? Is there any delicate way to announce in on FB?

 

[ami1985]

Private message to all the people u want to kno, no one u dont want to see it sees it then xx

 

[Armywife84]

Let me start off by saying it's always very nice to hear that a LTTCer has finally scored their .

You're going to see mixed reviews about FB on here..so it's ultimately your call.

IMO, I absolutely can't stand logging onto FB and seeing a pregnancy announcement. In fact, I have made a vow to myself not to fill my FB with bump pics, ultrasound pics, every status pregnancy related, and the list goes on. I've also made a promise that I won't announce my pregnancy on FB, because I'm aware of my infertile friends and who knows how many are silently suffering. It's just my way of respecting them and remaining humble about my pregnancy. Since I hate it so much, it would almost be a double standard for me to do the same.

Of course every woman has bragging rights to her pregnancy. And I'm not saying it's wrong of you to post it on FB. Just put yourself in her shoes, and think of how she would feel. What if the roles were reversed?

Couldn't you send out texts, emails to those other friends??

Or maybe if you do put up a status, put in there that you struggled long term to conceive this baby.

It's up to you.

 

[SpicyWolf]

Like one of the previous posters said, it is a decision that is very personal and individual. I've felt the sting of every single pregnancy announcement on FB up until the day I finally quit it, and so announcing it on there isn't for me. I couldn't in good conscience subject someone else who might be struggling to that same pain. But that isn't to say that it wouldn't be the right choice for another woman. Some feel that pain more intensely than others and it makes more of an impact. I've even heard some infertile women claim that pregnancy announcements make them happy, so everyone is different.
It sounds like you are being very considerate so I think you'll make the right choice for you.

 

[NavyWife84]

I don't think I will post when I get my bfp, but I do understand wanting to shout it from the rooftops! I think that if I were to post, I would say something like, "After a long sturggle, our dreams have finally come true." I don't know. I feel like it is less of a blow to me if the person posting has been through what I am going through.

I really do like the private messaging suggestion though. That way, you are shouting it to everyone but not hurting anyone with your post. I have gotten to the point that I really don't need to post on fb anyway. Those people that would find out via fb and not through me aren't really my close friends that need to know anyway. They are people I went to highschool or college with that I very rarely talk to anyway. It isn't important if they know. The important people will hear it from me.

Good luck with whatever you decide and congrats on your bfp!!!

 

[readyformore]

You worked very hard for this much anticipated, much desired pregnancy.

Celebrate and be proud of yourself and your baby.

You can do it without rubbing it in people's noses. And it's not like you are never going to post about your baby, toddler, child. There is little difference if you start posting now as opposed to posting 5 months from now.

Congratulations!

 

[rosebud_01_99]

hi
i like the idea of private messaging,if you do go ahead and post it to all perhaps you could give your friends who are suffering IF a heads up first so they can choose to block your posts for the next 7 months, its not personal its just a matter of self preservation, i block all my friends posts during pg but change that again once the baby is born as i find hearing baby stuff ok but find hearing pg news very hurtful and upsetting to me personally.
good luck
rosebud

 

[GoooRooo]

I was the same rosebud, I was fine with children and babies, but pregnant women I found very difficult to be around. Crazy really but you can't help how you feel.

Thanks for all the suggestions. I'll speak to my husband about it before he does anything.

 

[Lizzy444]

I applaud you for being sensitive to this. It's so nice to see when it seems as though a lot of people on FB give no (or little) thought to how their excitement (which obviously I don't blame them for being excited!!) could be a struggle for someone else. I wish more people would think twice before posting pregnancy-related things.

I too have vowed to not go overboard on FB when I do get my BFP. No pictures...no "my baby is currently the size of a _____" updates, etc. I like the idea of texting/messaging/e-mailing people who I would want to know.

Congratulations on your BFP!!

 

[FaithHopeLuv]

I think its an individual choice, a lot of my family and hubby's family is on fb and being in the service, we don't get to see them every often and some live out of the country. for me personally i probably will choose to announce on fb bc of that reason. but not until later like you said and i will include the something like NavyWife suggested or do as a friend did. she did it in a unique way, she had struggled with infertility too. she and her husband toke a pic where you could see she had a little bump and if you clicked on her pic she had the caption "guessing game" on it. so at first glance it was just a new pic of them together. she never wrote she was pregnant, just privately wrote everyone back that guessed. i am so happy for you finally getting your BFP, and have a happy and healthy 9mo!