Advice Needed - Men and Babies *warning long*

[orange-sox]

Hello everyone

Just thought I'd make myself known to everyone as I imagine I will be waiting around here for a long time!

Basically I just wanted a bit of advice from you all, how have you all got on with your other halfs and the "When will we try for a baby" conversation?

I am driving myself insane, and twisting myself in knots over this. I would love to start our family soon, and as I'm sure you can guess, my other half isnt quite sure... he's not said a definate yes or no.. more of a "when we have more money", or "when the timing's right".

I'd rather just be given a straight yes or no, or at least a, yes in a few years... then maybe I could concentrate my efforts on something else, like errrrr knitting? ... I'm just sick of being messed around with the whole well maybe we wont use protection this time thing.

I mean I wouldn't mind, but this month I thought it might be our month, and my other half suddenly blurted out "You'd better not be" like it would be my fault if I was pregnant... but alas, no it wasnt our month... for me this morning

What I can't figure out is the wayu he's behaving... last night he was all excited, and we were talking baby names and such (not getting ahead of ourselves, more just actually having a talk about babies rather than an arguement), then this morning when I got my bfn he said "oh thank god". If he'd have stuck with that, I could've just about coped, but no, he then changed his mind and has acted all disappointed and upset all day that we're not pregnant, I am soooooo confused!

ARGH!!!

 

[Vickie]

I found with my DH that he was really worried about the financial aspects of having a baby........that was his biggest concern. We had several conversations about when we would start trying, he knew that I wanted to try sooner rather than later but he was scared. I had to talk him through some of that and explain to him my reasons for wanting a baby. He was still scared about it but eventually agreed to a time when we could start. Good luck with your OH.

 

[Jewels]

Welcome orange-sox!

Believe me, I know the feeling. I started having baby fever about 3-4 years ago. At the time, my hubby said we could have a baby at some point, but not now, because he wasn't ready to give up on spoiling us (we like to spend way too much money on ourselves.), and he wasn't ready to give up the freedom. At the time I agreed with him. I let it go for a while and about a year later I brought it up again. It was no longer a "freedom" issue, it had turned into him wanting us to be more financially secure, which I also agreed on. We paid some stuff down and I've finally gotten him to agree to a date.

Unfortunately it seems like most guys take time to come around, but they also need to understand that there will never be a perfect time. Sometimes you just have to take the plunge!

Maybe you could just sit down and have a chat and tell him you'd like to talk about a time frame for when you could start to try. Then at least you'll have an idea, and will have something exciting to look forward to. It will also help you get past the mixed messages he is sending.

 

[honeybunch2k7]

My OH is worried about money and my education.

I'm not so worried. I think we could make it work if we had to.

We have had the talk about babies. I used to tell him point blank just gimme your spermies!

 

[LeaArr]

I think guys are just puzzleheads in general about babies. I think that they have the natural instinct to pass on their genes, but they freak out cause once we have a baby, their lives are changed forever. Women don't think about that too much cause we are bred to take care of little ones. Men aren't.

I wish the best for you. Good luck with whatever happens.

 

[Tacey]

I always thought men were supposed to be the straightforward ones! Generally I think they are torn between really wanting a baby and wondering if they'll be able to provide for it properly - financially and emotionally. Plus of course, if most men are anything like mine, they'll be reluctant to give up their freedom!

I've been really struggling with this recently. Like you, I'm desperate to have a date to work towards, but hopefully given time they come around to it (at least, that's what I'm counting on!).

Best of luck!

 

[porkpie1981]

Im having the same problem as i had a mc and then we (well he) decided that we should wait till i leave uni. I know he is right bu i sooooooo cant wait so then we decided to start ttc so that i wouldnt leave mid term. So basically starting sept/october. Saying that i havent went back on my pill and we havent used a condom tho he keep meantiong it and he doesnt always cum inside me (sorry tmi). Im not worried about that as i was pregnant 1st time with the withdrawal method. This seem soo strange but i just know that he wants to try but doesnt want to admit it as when i went to the loo after there was some sperm coming out ( i think he does it on purpose and then withdraws. I swear i do

Last nite he said b4 " should we use sumthing" .. i just smiled and said " nah im not fertile at the mo". HE SOOOOO KNOWS I CAN GET PREGGERS

Is he joking with u when he says u better not be?

 

[orange-sox]

Is he joking with u when he says u better not be?

Well yes and no, I think it's more "You better not have got pregnant and not told me you were trying" kinda thing... he has this thing about me using his sperm for my own devices... silly man!

I am just so angry at him right now I could kick him! Bit off topic but his is slumming around trying to "find himself", which is why we dont have the money for a baby... when if he got off his backside and got a job, we could!

I want a now

 

[porkpie1981]

Well yes and no, I think it's more "You better not have got pregnant and not told me you were trying" kinda thing... he has this thing about me using his sperm for my own devices... silly man!

I am just so angry at him right now I could kick him! Bit off topic but his is slumming around trying to "find himself", which is why we dont have the money for a baby... when if he got off his backside and got a job, we could!

I want a now

well if hes having unprotected sex with u then if u get pregant he cant say anything. Thats whats im saying anyhow

he saounds like my other half as he said " ur trying to trap me" (we already have a 2 yr old) so we both laughed.

 

[MrsKeene]

Hi Hunny! My dh did the same thing to me, and a couple weeks ago at the beginning of sex he said we WILL be using protection and than during sex he didn't want to. I had a heart to heart with him the next morning and told him he can't do that to me, its unfair. He broke down and told me wants another so lets try.

I think they all have a fear of not being ready, or not having enough money. Yet they do want one. I guess its the unknown they worry about it. Maybe try having a heart to heart with him, and wheather or not he really wants to try because you need to know. I hope everything works out

 

[golcarlilly]

Im having the same problem as i had a mc and then we (well he) decided that we should wait till i leave uni. I know he is right bu i sooooooo cant wait so then we decided to start ttc so that i wouldnt leave mid term. So basically starting sept/october. Saying that i havent went back on my pill and we havent used a condom tho he keep meantiong it and he doesnt always cum inside me (sorry tmi). Im not worried about that as i was pregnant 1st time with the withdrawal method. This seem soo strange but i just know that he wants to try but doesnt want to admit it as when i went to the loo after there was some sperm coming out ( i think he does it on purpose and then withdraws. I swear i do

Last nite he said b4 " should we use sumthing" .. i just smiled and said " nah im not fertile at the mo". HE SOOOOO KNOWS I CAN GET PREGGERS

Is he joking with u when he says u better not be?

Porkpie I just love the way you tell it like it is!!!

 

[porkpie1981]

Porkpie I just love the way you tell it like it is!!!

thanks