Advice needed please

[Rumpskin]

Hi Ladies

ALREADY POSTED IN TTC SECTION

Basically, after 2 miscarriages this year, both at roughly the same time in the pregnancy, I went to the doctors asking for some advice. I have seen a lovely lady doctor who referred me to the nurse to have blood taken. The tests were for diabetes, thyroid, clotting and family history. All have come back normal/negative which on one hand is fantastic news. When speaking to the lady doctor, she mentioned about being referred to the gyno given my history of 2 mc at the same time, my age (37) and a history that both my mum and sister had a m/c and my maternal grandmother having a series of them (there was a 20 year age gap between my gran and her sister). All good factors I thought for being referred.

After speaking to a male doctor yesterday who gave me my family history results, he said that he wont refer me until I have had 3. Who bloody dictates this sh*tty rule? My last mc was so physically painful, I cannot go through that again. I dont have the strength. He says that he would put me in touch with the gyno but only for a chat and said that he/she would not say anything different that he had already said.

What do I do?

Should I speak to my nice doctor who is back in January to see if she can get me in for further tests?

On the advice of man doctor, go for it as they see loads of women who mc 2 who go onto have a full pregnancy and have the risk of loosing another?

Any ladies out that have had 2 recurrent miscarriages who have gone onto have a healthy baby next time around?

I also have another dillema in that I have to have a mammogram in Feb as they have found calcium deposits. If they have moved, I may need treatment which could/may mean NO BABIES

I am totally hacked off and just dont know what to do.

Any advice I would muchly appreciate.

xxxxx

 

[bristolchick]

i too have had many miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. i do have 3 chicldren, the youngest being 7. ive been ttc for nearly 2 years now without success, quite a few m/cs early on. i found out that i have pcos. this is linked to recurrent m/c and inability to conceive. are your cycles regular? i only ask as irregular cycles can be a symptom of pcos. i personally would go back to the nice gp as ive found quite a few male gps are less sympathetic as they dont understand as well as women what we go through! x

 

[MrsJD]

Hi Rumpskin,

Sorry to hear about your losses. I too have had two losses since July but I pushed them due to my age (thirty eight) and having no thyroid and they decided to do all the tests last month including a genetic test but the results for that arne't back till February. So since my last lost in November (was only 4w3d) I take aspirin 75mg daily as a precaution. Yesterday I woke up feeling sick and knew I was pregnant again, done the test and this confirmed it! Phoned my consultant who advised me I have Sticky Blood so I've to keep taking the aspirin.

If I were you I'd go back to the lady doctor, express your concerns over your age etc as 3 losses is the general rule but everyone is different!

Good luck and don't give up hope!

XXXX

 

[Rumpskin]

i too have had many miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. i do have 3 chicldren, the youngest being 7. ive been ttc for nearly 2 years now without success, quite a few m/cs early on. i found out that i have pcos. this is linked to recurrent m/c and inability to conceive. are your cycles regular? i only ask as irregular cycles can be a symptom of pcos. i personally would go back to the nice gp as ive found quite a few male gps are less sympathetic as they dont understand as well as women what we go through! x

Thanks BC, my cycles are very regular so I think they would rule that out vey quick. I think I will go back to see the nice doctor.

Good luck in TTC.

Many thanks for replying xxxx

 

[Rumpskin]

Hi Rumpskin,

Sorry to hear about your losses. I too have had two losses since July but I pushed them due to my age (thirty eight) and having no thyroid and they decided to do all the tests last month including a genetic test but the results for that arne't back till February. So since my last lost in November (was only 4w3d) I take aspirin 75mg daily as a precaution. Yesterday I woke up feeling sick and knew I was pregnant again, done the test and this confirmed it! Phoned my consultant who advised me I have Sticky Blood so I've to keep taking the aspirin.

If I were you I'd go back to the lady doctor, express your concerns over your age etc as 3 losses is the general rule but everyone is different!

Good luck and don't give up hope!

XXXX

Thanks MrsJD. I will go back again for one last push. Worth a try? Great news about this pregnancy sweets too xxx

 

[MrsJD]

You've nothing to lose Rumpskin! I have a feeling she will agree to push for you to be seen. Keep me posted

XXX

 

[Wishfull]

Hiya sweetie. So sorry that the docs are not being more helpful. I too think it is the most terrible rule they have about having to wait till a 3 m/c. I have only had 1 but 1 is enough for me. You must be very strong with having to deal with more. Its a terrible thing that doctors dont know more about m/cs in this day and age. But i suppose they try thier best?
I would try not to worry about your mamomgram in feb just now darling. I would go and see your doc in Jan its worth a try sweetie. Discuss all your family history and every thing. The more information they have i believe there is an answer to somethings out there. Just hope you get the answers you want with out having to suffer another m/c.
xxxxxxxxx

 

[Rumpskin]

Hiya sweetie. So sorry that the docs are not being more helpful. I too think it is the most terrible rule they have about having to wait till a 3 m/c. I have only had 1 but 1 is enough for me. You must be very strong with having to deal with more. Its a terrible thing that doctors dont know more about m/cs in this day and age. But i suppose they try thier best?
I would try not to worry about your mamomgram in feb just now darling. I would go and see your doc in Jan its worth a try sweetie. Discuss all your family history and every thing. The more information they have i believe there is an answer to somethings out there. Just hope you get the answers you want with out having to suffer another m/c.
xxxxxxxxxx

Thanks honeybunch. I am a worrier at the best of times and I think that everything is just catching up on me at the mo.

Hope things are okay with you xxxx

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

unforchatly 3 is the rule everywhere... it took me 4 before i was refered for genetic testing.. they prob would have let me go on if it wasnt for a wonderful dr over here.
You can try push for it but i doubt theyd budge mine didnt n i was only 20 when i was refered.

 

[Snowball]

Aw hun I would go back to your lady doctor. Last week when I had a early m/c I went to see a man doctor and he told me that they wouldn't do any tests on me unless I had another 2 m/c's. So yesterday I went back and asked to see a lady. She was really lovely and has referred me straight away back to my old consultant who dealt with our stillbirth for investigation.

Keep pushing them hun, it's not fair that they should expect you to go through it without them investigating. I wish you all the luck in the world

 

[buffycat]

hi Rumpskin...

i say see the nice GP......i saw a lovely GP last Friday after my 2nd mc cry and she immediately said that she would refer me.....i know that you are worried about the calcium deposits too.....both my consultant and me are freaking out now as i've been off my arthritis meds for 2 years.....

we're going to keep trying while we wait for appontment though......

take care.....

 

[doc123]

Hiya Rumpskin...I'm a doc and have worked a lot in o/g and there is always a lot of confusion over the points you raised...

1. im a recurrent miscarrier so i do know a little about how you feel... 3mcs so far, lost last one at 10 weeks with twins, and although i'm preggo again we lost a twin in this one and i suspect this isnt going to go ahead so i'm facing mc no. 4....my heart breaks for you and i'm so so sorry for your losses....

2. from a medical perspective, the vast majority of women who have 2 miscarriages DO go ahead to have a successful pregnancy.. there is loads of stats on the net about this (i wont bore you with them) but they are really very good so there is hope!! please never forget this. It seems your doctors arent being helpful enough in their explanations...the reason investigations arent offered on NHS after 2 is because the stats are stacked in your favour... its only after 3 that the stats arent as in your favour(although they arent totally over)! Plus there is also the issue of cost...(helpful little blighters those managers are!!!). Now, even in those who have had 3mcs again the vast majority have no physical reason why they cant have children and no reason why they miscarry. As little of 1% of women who have recurrent miscarriage actually have a reason for it....SO THE OVERALL MESSAGE IS PLEASE DONT LOSE HOPE ABOUT YOUR CHANCES!!!!!

3.Recurrent miscarriage is a huge source of stress(i dont need to tell you this...it is heartbreaking as you know..) but i sense in your post that actually what you want is practical steps you can do to take some control back: my recommendations of what i have found really helpful are:
-read Professor Lesley Regan's book on miscarriage- look it up on Amazon- it explains all the stuff above and so much more...you have to read it!!!Plus also look her up on the internet....
-you can have all the tests done privately and route around NHS but it is super costly(if you have the genetic tests alone they are over £400) and likelyhood they will all come out normal but if you are worried about time (and age..) this may be a good step if you can afford it- it could be as little as a few hundred quid for the simple blood tests. You may be able to have simple blood tests done by your gp privately or you can use another clinic fairly easily.These might put your mind at ease fairly quickly. Perhaps your nice female doc could do some basic tests without having to go down a private route!
-discuss all this with a gynae consultant (and take the offer to discuss it if you can. remember again you could always do this privately if you want to speed things up as well) then at least you know what you are dealing with

3. please contact the miscarriage association for support- it sound like you are having a terrible time.. i promise the support they can give you is amazing..

4. as hard as it may be.. unfortunately (and this may sound harsh so forgive me) this is a game you got to be in to win as they say... so you may just have to bit the bullet and try again! Its always hard after a loss but you have gotten pregnant so trying again may be the order of the day...I felt terrible about trying again after all our losses... the reality is you may do it again and it go ok!!!

I wish you all the luck in the world... i guess you have to see the doctors who you feel comfortable with- i've encountered some dreadful doctors and i'm a fellow professional. There are some i wouldnt trust with my car let alone my body! Stick with the doctors who take you seriously and support you- its your right to do that and will ultimately help you in your ultimate goal. A good doc is worth their weight in gold.. stick with the nice lady doc!!!

I think as well you have worried about your mammogram- you dont mention where you are at or what is happening with that... i would urge you to discuss with a consultant asap your result so that you get an all clear to try again- or failing that if there is something wrong which needs intervention then at least you will have your questions answered. I sense you are feeling in limbo and actually with all the information you need, you would be strong enough to deal with your situation.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. If you need anything please pm me...i hope i've helped.. but i guess ultimately time will heal your heart and meanwhile everyone here at bnb will help as much as possible...xxxx

 

[honeybunch2k7]

I think you should go back to the lady doctor and get the tests you want.

Who on earth made such a rule?

 

[Lyns]

Hiya Rumpskin...I'm a doc and have worked a lot in o/g and there is always a lot of confusion over the points you raised...

1. im a recurrent miscarrier so i do know a little about how you feel... 3mcs so far, lost last one at 10 weeks with twins, and although i'm preggo again we lost a twin in this one and i suspect this isnt going to go ahead so i'm facing mc no. 4....my heart breaks for you and i'm so so sorry for your losses....

2. from a medical perspective, the vast majority of women who have 2 miscarriages DO go ahead to have a successful pregnancy.. there is loads of stats on the net about this (i wont bore you with them) but they are really very good so there is hope!! please never forget this. It seems your doctors arent being helpful enough in their explanations...the reason investigations arent offered on NHS after 2 is because the stats are stacked in your favour... its only after 3 that the stats arent as in your favour(although they arent totally over)! Plus there is also the issue of cost...(helpful little blighters those managers are!!!). Now, even in those who have had 3mcs again the vast majority have no physical reason why they cant have children and no reason why they miscarry. As little of 1% of women who have recurrent miscarriage actually have a reason for it....SO THE OVERALL MESSAGE IS PLEASE DONT LOSE HOPE ABOUT YOUR CHANCES!!!!!

3.Recurrent miscarriage is a huge source of stress(i dont need to tell you this...it is heartbreaking as you know..) but i sense in your post that actually what you want is practical steps you can do to take some control back: my recommendations of what i have found really helpful are:
-read Professor Lesley Regan's book on miscarriage- look it up on Amazon- it explains all the stuff above and so much more...you have to read it!!!Plus also look her up on the internet....
-you can have all the tests done privately and route around NHS but it is super costly(if you have the genetic tests alone they are over £400) and likelyhood they will all come out normal but if you are worried about time (and age..) this may be a good step if you can afford it- it could be as little as a few hundred quid for the simple blood tests. You may be able to have simple blood tests done by your gp privately or you can use another clinic fairly easily.These might put your mind at ease fairly quickly. Perhaps your nice female doc could do some basic tests without having to go down a private route!
-discuss all this with a gynae consultant (and take the offer to discuss it if you can. remember again you could always do this privately if you want to speed things up as well) then at least you know what you are dealing with

3. please contact the miscarriage association for support- it sound like you are having a terrible time.. i promise the support they can give you is amazing..

4. as hard as it may be.. unfortunately (and this may sound harsh so forgive me) this is a game you got to be in to win as they say... so you may just have to bit the bullet and try again! Its always hard after a loss but you have gotten pregnant so trying again may be the order of the day...I felt terrible about trying again after all our losses... the reality is you may do it again and it go ok!!!

I wish you all the luck in the world... i guess you have to see the doctors who you feel comfortable with- i've encountered some dreadful doctors and i'm a fellow professional. There are some i wouldnt trust with my car let alone my body! Stick with the doctors who take you seriously and support you- its your right to do that and will ultimately help you in your ultimate goal. A good doc is worth their weight in gold.. stick with the nice lady doc!!!

I think as well you have worried about your mammogram- you dont mention where you are at or what is happening with that... i would urge you to discuss with a consultant asap your result so that you get an all clear to try again- or failing that if there is something wrong which needs intervention then at least you will have your questions answered. I sense you are feeling in limbo and actually with all the information you need, you would be strong enough to deal with your situation.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. If you need anything please pm me...i hope i've helped.. but i guess ultimately time will heal your heart and meanwhile everyone here at bnb will help as much as possible...xxxx

Can I just say, whilst my heart breaks every day for Rumpskin, you and everyone (myself inc) who has ever lost....what a wonderfully reassuring post you have just made. This demonstrates to me, what good we can do for one another in a place like this....even if its just for emotional support and strength. I know times are currently very tough for you too right now and to be able to give this reassurance to others....well, I was already praying for you....now I'm praying even harder

Rumps, sweetie...nothing I can say really...Doc has said it all very eloquently.....but please know that if there is any justice in this world, you will have suffered your last hurt. I think your nice lady doctor sounds like the best 'medicine' in this case.... xx

 

[Rumpskin]

Hiya Rumpskin...I'm a doc and have worked a lot in o/g and there is always a lot of confusion over the points you raised...

1. im a recurrent miscarrier so i do know a little about how you feel... 3mcs so far, lost last one at 10 weeks with twins, and although i'm preggo again we lost a twin in this one and i suspect this isnt going to go ahead so i'm facing mc no. 4....my heart breaks for you and i'm so so sorry for your losses....

2. from a medical perspective, the vast majority of women who have 2 miscarriages DO go ahead to have a successful pregnancy.. there is loads of stats on the net about this (i wont bore you with them) but they are really very good so there is hope!! please never forget this. It seems your doctors arent being helpful enough in their explanations...the reason investigations arent offered on NHS after 2 is because the stats are stacked in your favour... its only after 3 that the stats arent as in your favour(although they arent totally over)! Plus there is also the issue of cost...(helpful little blighters those managers are!!!). Now, even in those who have had 3mcs again the vast majority have no physical reason why they cant have children and no reason why they miscarry. As little of 1% of women who have recurrent miscarriage actually have a reason for it....SO THE OVERALL MESSAGE IS PLEASE DONT LOSE HOPE ABOUT YOUR CHANCES!!!!!

3.Recurrent miscarriage is a huge source of stress(i dont need to tell you this...it is heartbreaking as you know..) but i sense in your post that actually what you want is practical steps you can do to take some control back: my recommendations of what i have found really helpful are:
-read Professor Lesley Regan's book on miscarriage- look it up on Amazon- it explains all the stuff above and so much more...you have to read it!!!Plus also look her up on the internet....
-you can have all the tests done privately and route around NHS but it is super costly(if you have the genetic tests alone they are over £400) and likelyhood they will all come out normal but if you are worried about time (and age..) this may be a good step if you can afford it- it could be as little as a few hundred quid for the simple blood tests. You may be able to have simple blood tests done by your gp privately or you can use another clinic fairly easily.These might put your mind at ease fairly quickly. Perhaps your nice female doc could do some basic tests without having to go down a private route!
-discuss all this with a gynae consultant (and take the offer to discuss it if you can. remember again you could always do this privately if you want to speed things up as well) then at least you know what you are dealing with

3. please contact the miscarriage association for support- it sound like you are having a terrible time.. i promise the support they can give you is amazing..

4. as hard as it may be.. unfortunately (and this may sound harsh so forgive me) this is a game you got to be in to win as they say... so you may just have to bit the bullet and try again! Its always hard after a loss but you have gotten pregnant so trying again may be the order of the day...I felt terrible about trying again after all our losses... the reality is you may do it again and it go ok!!!

I wish you all the luck in the world... i guess you have to see the doctors who you feel comfortable with- i've encountered some dreadful doctors and i'm a fellow professional. There are some i wouldnt trust with my car let alone my body! Stick with the doctors who take you seriously and support you- its your right to do that and will ultimately help you in your ultimate goal. A good doc is worth their weight in gold.. stick with the nice lady doc!!!

I think as well you have worried about your mammogram- you dont mention where you are at or what is happening with that... i would urge you to discuss with a consultant asap your result so that you get an all clear to try again- or failing that if there is something wrong which needs intervention then at least you will have your questions answered. I sense you are feeling in limbo and actually with all the information you need, you would be strong enough to deal with your situation.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. If you need anything please pm me...i hope i've helped.. but i guess ultimately time will heal your heart and meanwhile everyone here at bnb will help as much as possible...xxxx

Thank you so much Doc, this is the info that I need, plain and simply explained. I will take this away with me and have another read. You have given me no end of hope and this gives me some confidence to perhaps just go for it but not for a while until I can emotionally turn off what has happened over the past couple of months.

I will have a look at that book that you mentioned to.

Thank you so much, if you were here, I would kiss you!



Good luck with this pregnancy too xxx

 

[Omi]

Hi Monkey,

and thanks for your pm. I am so sorry you're feeling the way you do, and believe me, i do know how you feel!

I am truly impressed with Doc's post and as Lyns so eloquently put it, there's not much i can really add to it

I would however, stress the importance of sticking to your guns and not letting anyone fob you off. You are not alone in this and many, many women have had to do exactly what you have, search for a sympathetic ear and insist on investigations. Sometimes nothing short of tenacity will do it!! Im right behind you, babe!!

About genetic testing this interseting thing happened ...Ive posted this in my journal, but will re-iterate it here as well. At my ercp yesterday it was questioned why the nurse (when i was in last week) had put 'send to genetics' on my papers. I was gently explained by the mw (who i have to say is lovely) that they dont do genetic testing, as you all well know, until a 3rd mc. I then explained to her that it was unreasonable to expect me to wait for another mc at my age as i will be 39 in a very few months. She said they would do an exception but not to expect much as in my case ive got dead tissue and its not easy or perhaps impossible to grow cells from that. I understand that but said i would still like them to try and if i get some answers then its a bonus. However, i also know from research that actual genetic problems are very, very rarely responsible for mc's (this does not include spontanious chromosomal defects that happen at conception) so tbh i dont expect to find any answers from that- but i am secretly delighted that i nontheless was able to push that through-regardless of the (non) results.

Whatever you do, dont despair!!! There are and will be a way out of this-whichever you try first..wait to get more answers or try again. I have decided to take the bull by the horns so to speak and try again. But i very much understand its not for everyone. And it might be simply that you need some more time to do/get some more research/answers or find a sympathetic doctor that will reassure you and support enough to try for another pg.

Id also like to add that in a way i envy you that you know as much as you do about your own situation. I know didley, and may never find out if i get pg again and go full term (by then which of course it will all be null and void..but ) as the doc pointed out-...and please, please believe me, i do understand this is of no concelation whatsoever, particularly if you feel you might be on to something insofar as you know your own body and mind- ...you are still in with every chance of having a baby!

Whatever you do please remember you are not alone and that as long as we're here (not just b&b, lol..but living, moving forward) there is hope, there is promise and that you are as likely as anyone else in this world (perhaps even more so) at succeeding next time.

Being in the same (sad) club of 2 mc i have done some searching on the web and i am very glad to say (and see) that many, many women go on to have babies a 3rd time around. I pray and hope we will join them soon.

Lots of love and , Omi xxx