General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[DobbyForever]

Exactly the lack of honesty before he put a label on it/ when confronted is where I feel I need to walk away. But I want answers and to not make a knee jerk decision. So we’ll see

ETA so we had a 2.5 hour talk at the park. We went through everything in his past. He said he's requested to use the mental health services at work. He says that he buried so much of that marriage and stillbirth, and it scares him how much he pushed out of his mind and pretended never happened. And then once I made him remember, that he couldn't just come out and say it. So he'd like to try therapy to understand it better.

We agreed that a reset is needed. He doesn't feel like he's living up to being my bf, and I agree. So for now he's just Chicago. He talked to his landlords, and they said I can come over next weekend for a bit. He promised to have his lease and divorce papers. I called it, and the divorce is filed (in Feb) but not finished. He admitted it's too soon to be dating. So we have cancelled any plans that involved meeting people. We are still going on traditional dates.

I did also remember that Wed night he told me he hd something to serious to talk about. But I kept falling asleep while he was talking so I told him no. Then he said it was important so he wanted to talk Thurs, but then I told him I need a full night's rest before my long drive. Last night, I asked him when we were going to talk because we were planning to go to a community event today in my hometown. He said we'd talk this morning in person before we go, and I got upset and that's when I went on my FBI deep dive. I do think, now looking back on those phone calls on Wed (2 actually a midday one didn't work out because A was jumping on me) and Thurs (where I fell asleep again lol), I do think he would have told me this morning.

The trust is shattered, but he seems genuinely remorseful and committed to trying to better himself and be better for me. So time will tell.

 

[autumnal]

I hope, if you decide to look past it and keep seeing him, that he will legitimately only tell you the truth from now on! I think it's a good idea that you are slowing things down for now and he's going to get some counseling

 

[shaescott]

Damn Dobs. You never do catch a break with men, do you

All is well here. DH’s job sucks ass but at least he’s getting paid. I had my first shift off orientation yesterday which went pretty well. The skittish cat has definitely settled in now. Still unpacking to be done but we now have room to set up the dining room table lmao (it’s really a kitchen table, we don’t get a separate room).

Personal life wise, I’ve been discerning into possibly becoming Catholic (I’m currently Lutheran), and my BIL’s girlfriend is Catholic so I’ve been chatting with her about it and we went to Mass together on Sunday and then got coffee and chatted in length about how apparently my BIL cheated on her (not irl, sexting in online chat rooms) like FOUR TIMES and I am honestly so incredibly shocked, I never expected that from him. You really think you know a person, but I guess you don’t. Either way, she is somehow the epitome of grace and forgiveness and isn’t leaving him, but says he’s sure pushing it. If it was ever irl she’d be gone. And he better not f*ck this up because she’s hilarious and beautiful and smart and amazing, and I like hanging out with her damn it! I told DH and he was totally shocked as well. He genuinely thought his brother would never. So yeah, that’s a mess. They’ve been together since high school, it’s been like 6 years now I think. If BIL makes me lose her as a friend because of his issues I’m gonna hurt him (for legal purposes this is a joke).

 

[DobbyForever]

Ugh that emotional cheating though is the worst! I mean I can't say anything about staying because I've stayed through that and stayed through worse. Hopefully he has an epiphany and cuts it out asap. He's lucky to have her. I've heard of gfs staying friends with their ex's family even if things didn't end on the best terms. I think you two have a good shot at that, especially if you're going to her church. I could google it, but I'm tired. What would be involved in the conversion/ how different are their views and practices?

Yikes about the job. Getting paid is nice but definitely not everything. My bro just took a huge paycut for a less frustrating job. Is it something that is temporary or just the job sucks period? Does it at least have the potential for upward mobility?

He's been pushing himself to be more transparent about things. His landlord said I can come over this weekend. He showed me his divorce papers today. I do feel like he is genuinely remorseful and trying to do better, so I'm cautiously optimistic.

But yup can't ever catch a freaking break

 

[shaescott]

Well he told her before they signed a lease together what he’d done, and she still decided to move forward with getting the apartment with him. She’s made it clear that at this point, she’s still going for that ring (which to my knowledge, he has already purchased), but if he ever did anything irl she’d leave. He is overall a good kid (he may be 23 but I’ve known him since he was 11 so he’s still a kid to me lol), so I’m really disappointed in his actions, I know he can be better and that he knows better. He better get his shit together. He knows I know now cuz he saw a text come up on her phone, oops, so maybe knowing his SIL and his brother know what he did will help him get his shit together, if only to not disappoint his big brother (again).

We’re not going to the same church in general, they live 25 minutes north of us and she was just trying out that church as she just moved there and isn’t familiar with the churches in the area. I started going to a church in my town that does the traditional latin mass (the scripture readings and sermon are still done in English), I’m learning a lot quickly about the Catholic Church but apparently the mass was celebrated in Latin from the 300s AD until the mid-1900s when the Vatican II document came out and stated that Mass could be celebrated in the local language. Which is a good thing of course, I think everyone should be able to understand what’s being said, but the more traditional Catholics wanted to keep the Latin mass, since it connected them to the past nearly 2 centuries of Catholics who celebrated the same mass. The basic format of it in the late 300s was the same as it is today, so someone who attends the Latin mass today attending a mass in say 400 AD would find it quite familiar. I think that’s really cool. Either way I got myself a little book with the text of the traditional Latin Mass with the English side by side so I can understand what they’re saying, otherwise it’s just a bunch of unintelligible chant *for the vibes* lol and I do prefer knowing what’s being said.
TLDR for that paragraph: she hasn’t officially picked out a church yet since she just moved, we’re 25 min from each other, I’m attending a Traditional Latin Mass (TLM) Roman Catholic church in my town.

As for the differences: so Lutherans are the closest to Catholic of any Protestants really (Anglicans are also pretty close), so the differences are really the main points of contention of the Protestant reformation. Lutherans reject church tradition as a rule of faith and say that scripture alone is the rule of faith, whereas the Catholic Church says, well, the church compiled the scriptures, so even scripture is technically church tradition, and interpreting scripture independently is what led to 20 million different denominations forming, so church tradition should also be held in high regard as a rule of faith. Lutherans also reject Marian veneration and praying to the saints, whereas Catholics support them, but to clarify, Catholics reject worship of the Virgin Mary and the saints and have actually excommunicated people who worshipped Mary in the past, Catholics believe in asking Mary and the saints to pray for them to Jesus aka intercession. Lutherans believe that salvation is by faith alone but yet man is incapable of choosing God without God’s intervention (known as total depravity of man), whereas Catholics believe that we are capable of accepting or rejecting God (they say human nature is wounded by sin but not destroyed to complete depravity) and that salvation is by faith but also cooperation with God. That doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, but that if you commit serious (mortal) sins you have to confess your sins to be restored to grace. Lutherans also believe that Christ is physically present in communion but that the bread and wine don’t physically change into his flesh and blood, whereas Catholics believe that it does and therefore they are quite literally eating God, which sounds weird but is, to be fair, consistent with what Jesus said about the Lord’s Supper, he literally said you gotta feast on my flesh, so I guess I can’t argue with Jesus. Protestants take those words to be metaphorical to varying degrees whereas Catholics take them extremely literally. Coming from a Lutheran background of already believing in the true physical presence, it’s less of a shocking transition, but the idea of actually chomping on Jesus’s literal flesh is a little odd to me, I will admit.
TLDR: there’s a couple big differences but actually very similar otherwise cuz Lutheranism originated from Catholicism.

For conversion: they have a process called RCIA or OCIA, which is like a 9 month process ending on Easter, where they teach you the beliefs of the Catholic Church to ensure you know what you’re signing up for. At the end of that you do a whole ceremony for joining I guess.

For DH’s job: some potential for upward mobility, yes. Right not he’s the grunt so it’s physically really taxing.