Advice Needed, Please :)

[4.26.08]

Hello Ladies,

I need some advice.......I lost my baby 2 weeks ago today at 14wk2d due to preterm labor. My problem: I posted on facebook that we were expecting on Jan 15. I thought we were in the "safe zone" as I was almost 13 weeks pregnant. I feel so stupid now. Ppl are still commenting on the picture and I just can't take it. I spent the first week and a half locked in our house bc I didnt want to face the truth and the awkward "I lost our baby" conversations. I went to my hair appointment last Thursday and the first thing she says " Where's that baby bump? Let me see!". Friday I drove 45 minutes out of town to eat with my girlfriend (hoping this would make me feel a little better and hoping to not run into anyone i knew). I saw 3 couples I knew there. Everyone ran up to me saying "Congratulations!!!". I had a drink in my hand which made me feel guilty so I just blurted out to each of them " I am not pregnant!". Then, Saturday I went by the deadest mall in the world to find DH something special for Valentine's bc he has been so great to me. And in walks a couple saying "Congrats!!!!" I just smiled and said thank you bc I just didnt want to have to explain myself again.

I know I got myself into this situation. Believe me, I will NEVER post anything this personal on facebook again. I am soo mad at myself. I was just so excited. I waited until I was 9 weeks to tell my own mother. I was ready to scream it from the roof tops!! Now I feel like I should post something on facebook about us losing the baby. Maybe something like the date we lost her and a sweet qoute. maybe this way ppl will know and I dont have to explain myself over and over. I don't know! What do you ladies think? Have any of you delt with this? And how did you deal with those awkward conversations when ppl approached you?

Thanks in advance

 

[Krippy]

When we lost our son at 39 1/2 weeks I had my mom call all the people important and then I did a mass e-mail/facebook message to all that I did not want to call. Might seem impersonal but there was no way that we were going to call everyone and we were getting messages asking how the baby was and when he was going to get here, etc. I wrote about how RJ, how much he weighed, when he was born but also let them know that we had lost him and if people wouldn`t mind not posting messages on our wall but PM us instead we would greatly appreciate it. It was really hard to tell people that way but with the facebook world it has made things very complicated!

I am so sorry for your loss of your little angel! Hope this helps!

 

[Krippy]

When people approached me I was very honest and let them know that our son had passed away. I encourage people to talk about RJ and ask questions. We are proud of our son and he was our baby...we want people to know how precious he was to us. I find the more open we have been the less awkward the situation has been.

 

[blav]

As you heal, you will find you actually want to talk about your baby and what happened. It is nice to know that people haven't forgotten. It's hard to find ways to memorialize your baby, but you will find ways, and sometimes talking about what happened is a good way.

 

[mhazzab]

Hello Ladies,

I need some advice.......I lost my baby 2 weeks ago today at 14wk2d due to preterm labor. My problem: I posted on facebook that we were expecting on Jan 15. I thought we were in the "safe zone" as I was almost 13 weeks pregnant. I feel so stupid now. Ppl are still commenting on the picture and I just can't take it. I spent the first week and a half locked in our house bc I didnt want to face the truth and the awkward "I lost our baby" conversations. I went to my hair appointment last Thursday and the first thing she says " Where's that baby bump? Let me see!". Friday I drove 45 minutes out of town to eat with my girlfriend (hoping this would make me feel a little better and hoping to not run into anyone i knew). I saw 3 couples I knew there. Everyone ran up to me saying "Congratulations!!!". I had a drink in my hand which made me feel guilty so I just blurted out to each of them " I am not pregnant!". Then, Saturday I went by the deadest mall in the world to find DH something special for Valentine's bc he has been so great to me. And in walks a couple saying "Congrats!!!!" I just smiled and said thank you bc I just didnt want to have to explain myself again.

I know I got myself into this situation. Believe me, I will NEVER post anything this personal on facebook again. I am soo mad at myself. I was just so excited. I waited until I was 9 weeks to tell my own mother. I was ready to scream it from the roof tops!! Now I feel like I should post something on facebook about us losing the baby. Maybe something like the date we lost her and a sweet qoute. maybe this way ppl will know and I dont have to explain myself over and over. I don't know! What do you ladies think? Have any of you delt with this? And how did you deal with those awkward conversations when ppl approached you?

Thanks in advance

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

Please don't feel stupid for posting that you were pregnant on FB...I think most people do that! I certainly did, We were so excited!

When our twins were born too soon, we just put a message on there telling people what had happened and thanking them for their support. We got so many lovely messages, and some lovely private messages from people also sharing their losses, that we were not aware of. That meant a lot. Perhaps you should think of doing this - at least this means you are not having to explain to people in person, which is so so hard.

lots of love xxx

 

[Nikki_d72]

Hi there, so sorry for your loss. I had also announced my pregnancy on FB, I think that's perfectly normal too, it's an exciting time and who expects this to happen? I waited until I was past the usual dodgy time too, but lost my twins at 20wks. We now know there is no such thing as a "safe time" really. Anyway, as I had announced it there, I felt it easiest to post about my loss there too, as there was no way I was going to have the strength to email or call everyone individually. I said something along those lines in my post, that I was sorry to do it that way. I also got some lovely messages of support and sorrow for our loss, and some PM's of losses too that I was unaware of until then. I also had quite a few "friends" that were on FB posting about their own mundane things but didn't comment, so they are now mostly deleted.

As for the comments from people thinking you are still pregnant - I know how horrible this is, I work in a restaurant in a small local place so got it for ages! My bosses had told as many people as they could for me but it still happened a lot, and at work where it's not great to start wailing. I eventually sort of prepared a short sentance that summed it up easily without going into detail. It's hard as you know it's going to make them feel bad for asking too and I don't like seeing other people feel bad and squirm. I always got asked "Oh so you've had your baby?" because I was back at work and had no bump anymore, so I'd say: "Yes it was twin boys, but unfortunately they were born too early to survive." Then people would invariably say how sorry they were, I could thank them and that was that. If it was someone I knew better they often asked what happened etc and lots of folk I don't even know would hug me - even blokes. So it can be good to prepare and know what to say. I still get caught short sometimes though, it's been 6 months now so I don't expect it anymore but a woman I hadn't seen in ages asked again the other day and all I could do was shake my head vigorously, I was struck dumb. She knew what I meant and said so sorry but I felt so stupid.
Anyway, I hope that helps you. I'm so sorry again that you have to think of these things, please don't be angry at yourself for putting your pregnancy on Facebook though, it's normal to celebrate. You hopefully will get to a place again where you feel able and willing to share your baby, it's common to want to validate their existence at some point usually. You are at the start of a very difficult journey - it will change who you are forever but you will look back and be amazed at how far you've come and who you have become. Much love to you and floaty kisses to your wee angel. xxx

 

[kelzyboo]

I found it easier to just put a little post of fbook, didn't give details just that he'd passed away. I couldn't have dealt with face to face, i figured people would see the post and it would stop any comments about why i was pregnant, now i'm not and i have no baby

I had my mum tell family and important people but found telling friends/aquaintences via fbook so much easier, to this day only one person has ever asked me.

Do what feels right to you and don't feel bad for announcing on fbook, i wasn't going to announce this one but i'm too big to hide it so most people will guess anyway and i figured at this stage, no matter what happens he is my baby and i will want to remember him and won't want thoughtless comments from people who didn't know. That was what was right for me, you have to decide whats right for you xx

 

[Garnet]

I know how you feel about the embarrassment about your anticipation about having a baby. I lost mine at 18 weeks and I am still embarrassed to see people still. I feel like I don't want a them to feel pity for me. I so thought that everything was going to be okay after the first trimester. This is my third loss and don't want to burden people with my TTC problems. So sorry about you loss and just give yourself time to mourn and try not to worry about others.

 

[amanda83]

I know what you are feeling all too well! What a perfect night to see this facebook post, i'll explain in a bit :s

I waited until I was 16 weeks to announce my pregnancy on facebook, I too was thinking I was more than safe, considering some people put it up when they are 5 weeks! Deep down I knew something was wrong and I felt weird even putting it up at 16 weeks, low and behold 2 weeks after I got up the nerve to post a belly pic at 20 weeks we lost our little man. When I got home from hospital a few days later I couldn't handle the thought of seeing my belly pic with all the lovely comments so I emailed my close friends what had happened and logged off facebook for good. Its over four months now and I'm still off it and am glad I am, I simply cannot deal with all the other peoples baby pics and pregnancy announcements. I almost wish I had to do a little post about what had happened before I logged off because I have faced far too many awkward situations with people asking how the baby is, simply because they were not in the circle of friends who knew what had happened. I live in Canada and while in Florida on vacation I found myself running out of a shopping mall because I seen someone I knew, and they didn't know I lost my baby...I couldn't deal with the conversation at that time....I did the same thing yesterday at the mall in my city. I should probably face the music and stop avoiding so many people, just don't think I'm ready yet.

Four weeks after I lost Jaxon, my best friend told me she was pregnant, my friends told me she posted her belly picture on facebook today....50% of me wants to look (on my husbands facebook) the other half of me knows I will be devastated if I do. I haven’t been able to be around her in the last four weeks sadly, now that she is showing. It hurts so bad.

Thats my facebook saga, I hope you feel better. Don't feel bad for announcing it to the world, it was one of our proudest moments ever in life

xo

 

[feeble]

Hiya hun, we had the exact same thing x

I lost my baby girl at 23 weeks so we had already had the 12 week and the 20 week scan, I actually found Facebook really useful in the end, I announced it on there and then didn't go out for a few days and everyone told everyone for me...

After a while I felt more sorry for the people who got excited about the baby than for myself, just because I could sort of handle talking about it and seeing people look so uncomfy and like they had put their foot in it is so hard x

You'll be fine, just use it to your advantage as a tool to tell lots of people quickly that your angel has flown x

 

[4.26.08]

After a lot of thought and consideration I posted the news on FB. Reading your responses helped me realize that FB could be a great communication tool for us to get the news out to our extended family and friends. I want to thank all of you wonderful ladies on here. I couldn't have gotten through these last few weeks without this forum. As unfortunate as is may be, I know you ladies truly know how I am feeling.

I decided to share the news by using this poem........

To our little girl:

I never got to hear you laugh
you never saw me cry
didn't get a chance to say "Hello"
you never said "Goodbye"
I didn't think that I could feel
so sad, lost and forlorn.
I never knew God chose his Angels
before some of them were born.
Your life was short yet special
I shared it all exclusively
I felt you breathe, I felt you kick.
You were alive inside of me.
Every baby is an Angel
and every angel is divine
God needed one in heaven
He came down and took mine
And although we are not together
we're not really apart
for you'll always occupy a space
deep within my heart.
Time has begun to ease my pain
It's only some days now I cry.
When I wish I could have said "Hello"
and heard you say "Goodbye"

Author Unknown

♥ 01.30.12 ♥

RIP to all of our little angels

 

[amanda83]

that is so beautiful...how did facebook world react?
I'm debating signing back in, I'm sick of hiding....

 

[4.26.08]

that is so beautiful...how did facebook world react?
I'm debating signing back in, I'm sick of hiding....

Honestly, I am very glad I posted the news to FB. Many of our friends "liked" my status and I had 50 or so responses. Everyone who responded was very nice and I had a few private msg's from women who experienced a loss that I knew nothing about. For us it worked out great by getting the news out there and many ppl sent up prayers for us and our angel. Obviously it doesn't cover everyone. I still run into ppl and have to explain, but no where near as much as before posting to fb. Hope this helps