Advice on 7 yr old please,could use some help (long sorry) **Updated in my Journal**

[babystar]

Just wondering if anyone has a 7 year old with attitude and behavior problems? I could do with some advice or help please.

I am at my wits end with Joani and it is driving me insane. I hate telling her off I feel like I am constantly on at her... but her behavior and cheek just now warrants being told off.

She seems like a spoiled little brat just now and I am wondering what I have done wrong. She doesn't get everything her heart desires... OH and I do not believe in that. She doesn't get a lot spent on her at birthdays or xmas as we don't want her spoiled (although shes acting like it now so I don't know where we have gone wrong.) The things she does have if I say to her be careful joani you might break that she shrugs her shoulder and says oh well you will buy me a new one.....or gran will just get me a new one... or so what? I have 2 more etc etc.

Her cheek towards me and OH just now is unbelievable... she will talk back all of the time. She gets sent to her room for time outs etc but that doesn't phase her. She has an answer to everything. It angers my OH a lot and I keep telling her to stop it. But all i get is "well I don't know I am doing it" in a teenage strop kinda voice! And shes only 7!! Or please one more chance (I hear this 7 or 8 times a day). She slams doors. As hard as she can.

She will hit me or my OH if she says we are "annoying her". We have confiscated toys off of her. We have canceled days out etc that she had had planned.

She doesn't get out to play as where we live is not a very safe place for children to play plus she doesn't get ppl from school over as OH doesn't want them over cos of their parents (a lot of them are drug users at Joanis school). Plus we live in a flat with shared back garden and its disgusting. So we try and get her out at the weekends as often as we can. But nothing seems to please her. She will moan if something is not "exciting" or if nothing has been planned.

Others in her class will get stuff that we wont let her have as its either A too expensive for her to have at her age or B we just don't want her to have it (like high school musical etc OH feels she is too young to worry about boys and dates and proms etc). But we get its not fair etc she doesn't want to live with us etc etc.

Shes just started Brownies which I pay for, and swimming lessons which I pay for and horse lessons once a month which I pay for. But she still asks for more all the time and will get very angry etc if I say no. We don't have a lot of money as we are on benefits as I am disabled etc.

Her attitude towards us is terrible as is her behavior and the way she talks to us. Its got to the point that people outwith our household (not only strangers but also friends and other family members etc) have noticed. And they either comment directly about it or if shes misbehaving for me etc they kinda make noises like ppppppppfffffffffffft or tssssk etc.

I am always getting dirty looks from her all the time and pppl have commented on that too. Every time she seems to look at me it seems as though she resents me.

She lies constantly, about things that have happened or havent happened etc she makes things up. I am worried this is all gonna rub off and her wee sister is going to go this way too. But most of all I would love for her to tell me what is wrong or feel better about herself and us and start behaving or acting like she likes us.

I have one of these behavior chart things and I am going to start it on Monday....basically if her behavior is bad at the end of the month I wont let her go horse riding. If she has been good then she can have her lesson.

I am at a loss and I sit there at night thinking what have I done...does she not like me? is she wanting more attention?? I don't know what it is. Then I sit there thinking I am mean for telling her off all the time etc etc.

 

[Chalrhow]

Hi... Just wanted to send you some Your daughters behaviour is sounding exactally like my 10yr old sons... He is so moody and slams doors, he has broke 2 baby gates with slamming them, i took money outta his savings for a new bike to replace them... He does get pretty spoiled, not off me but my family and doesnt seem to appreciate what he has.... He lost his DS and didnt bother to look for it... didnt seem to care that it had cost alot of money and now he couldnt play it... I found it and still havent gave him it back...

His cheek and answering back is also pretty bad... And when he gets told off and sent to his room he tries to make out he didnt do it... Im like but i just watched you do it and he is forever got an excuse, like he didnt really kick the toy box over in a mood, he tripped and fell over it... Or i didnt really hear him tell me to shut up, he said something else

But he is only like this round me... My aunt thinks he is a wee angel and doesnt understand that when i ground him that means she cant take him bowling or to cinema or that he wont be going to stay with her for the weekend, she spoils him rotten and forever gets his own way up there.... I find ive gotta explain to her that if i ground him for 2 weeks its no good to let him go out with her after only 4 days as he will never learn... When he does go up there for the weekend his moods are ALOT worse when he comes back coz he aint getting his own way down here and i feel like am starting all over again

My partner recently took his xbox off him and its out the house until his behaviour improves, that has helped a little and i think he is starting to realise im serious when i say he wont get it back until he starts behaving, im also worried that if he younger brother sees him throwing stuff about or breaking stuff about the house then he is going to think its ok for him to act the same way...

A behaviour chart does sound like a really good idea and i might try that myself... but im determind to get him to behave, even if i have to ground him for months, take away all his toys... Sorry i have no advice on how to help because im still looking for an answer for myself lol, but just wanted to let you know your not the only one going through this and i hope it gets better

 

[babystar]

Thanks very much for replying. Yeah Joani lost her DS 2 days after she got it for her birthday. I did fine it a few hrs after we started looking for it but its not the point. I had said to her then that it had cost a lot of money and she had lost it...She was just laughing and joking about it. Saying she still had her old gameboy advanced lying around somewhere (which we got dead cheap from a car boot sale about a yr ago cos she wanted a DS then and I said no cos she was far too young).

I dunno... I know Im just gonna have to grin and bear it and it will b a phase etc so I am told. What if its not tho? What if it spirals and gets worse?

We thought the whole her not liking school thing was a phase but shes hated it since last Aug... so that's nearly a yr and she still hates it.

I hope things improve for you soon.

 

[wishing4bub#3]

I have no advice for you but my 7 oold is the same! what you wrote sounds like a day at my place. she also likes to start fights with her 2yo sister. we have also taken all of her toiys off her ans still no change now she just trashes her sisters room.
i hope this means they will be good teenagers

 

[lissaloo]

mmm sounds like mine when she was younger,,,

sounds like she wants your attention and is doing everything she can thats bad to get it
after been throught the same thing my advice is

1. when she plays up come down to her level so your facing her and say your behavior is unacceptable and place her in the corner facing the wall for 3 mins , if she moves don't speak to her just put her back. Don't place her in her room as she has stuff to do in there.

2. When (if lol ) she is been good praise her tell hell make a real fuss of it really go over board they like that.

3. When she has been a naughty girl tell her that you do love her but sometimed you don't like they way she speaks to you and the things she does..

it's really hard but i have done these things with my 4 yr old after going throught it with her sister who is still mouthy i didn't want to make the same mistakes of shouting and been angry all the time ,IT WILL WORK but you have to stick to it xx

 

[babystar]

Thanks girls I have updated stuff and put it in my parenting journal

 

[Emsy26]

I don't have a 7 year old, but a very sneaky 8 year old.
He seems to think cos he the eldest he'll get away with anything, he's really really good majority of the time, but he can be really sneaky with his 2 younger siblings.

He seems to get a major attitude problem when we go to my mum & dads though, as he knows my mum will stick up for him, which in turn causes tension between us, and he seems to lap it up....all the attention he getting xx

Your not on your own hunny

 

[buttercup3]

My OH's daughter is nearly 7 and sometimes her attitude is the same as this. It's funny I didn't expect her to become a teenager this soon!!!

We recently started a reward chart for her on our fridge (our living room and kitchen are joint) so she can see it all the time. I thought she would be too old for it now as I bought it a couple of years ago and found it in a random folder haha, but she actually is really receptive to it and does things without us asking her or reminding her to do so - she is beginning to take responsibility over her own self care routines like brushing her teeth and hair and dressing etc. We also use it when she completes chores - like taking the recycling bin down with her dad and 'mopping' (in the loose sense haha) the floor (she just likes the new mop).

She recently realised the benefits of saving her pocket money also as she saved for 5 weeks and managed to buy a new DS game so last week when I asked her what she wanted to do with the pocket money she immediately said she was going to save it up.

The reward chart and pocket money all help her attitude and its really amazing to see her take responsibility for her actions. Because we only see her mainly at the weekend it also aids us with dealing with her tweenage (is that even possible at 6?!) years... I definitely have seen an improvement in her since we started to do this.

I hope that helps - I am not in anyway saying that she is now always an angel but it does work well with guiding her behaviour.

xx