advice on telling my spouse's family?

[stephster1334]

We're not planning to tell them until after the scan, it's a little complicated though as his mother and sister really dislike me and don't approve of me, I think they feel I don't fit in (his family are of a higher social standing then mine I suppose is the best way to put it..) I'm a little anxious about telling them, I thought you guys might have some advice for me..? :/

 

[tddunn]

My inlaws don't really like me either. They have been really jealous that their baby boy is not paying them all the attention. I would let him tell them though. I believe maybe it would be better coming from him, and if they get upset don't let it ruin your day. This is their issue, not yours.

 

[xdxxtx]

Eh. I don't talk with my in-laws. I don't like them, and they don't like me. They hate me so much that they refused to come to our wedding and, instead, my OH's stepmother called and left us both nasty voicemails saying that we'll be divorced soon and that we're horrible, selfish people (selfish for wanting to move closer to my parents instead of being close to my SIL - moving only 20 minutes away! - so I could take care of them, since they are older). Nice folks, right? So, obviously, it's a little awkward for me to talk to them. So I don't! I had my OH call FIL and tell him (FIL lives 9 hours away, and I'm not making the trip while pregnant to see people I don't even like). It didn't change anything between us...

A lot of folks will send a photo of the ultrasound in a card to "grandparents" or something like that if they don't want to tell them face-to-face or over the phone.

 

[stephster1334]

Thanks all for the advice x

 

[bettybee1]

its the oppsite in our family am from a working background family docters, nurses and teachers

my hubbys family are all on benefits !!! rough as a bares bottom ! and his mum is an alcoholic !! so i have the delimmea of if i tell them or not !!!

 

[Night Flower]

Interesting thread.

I'm 12 weeks pregnant and we have not told anyone yet. On Thanksgiving I'll be 13weeks and we just had our ultrasound. And I'm also anxious with telling OHs family.

We are from two huge separate cultures and his family viewed his ex as his real wife and still does. They act like they worship the lying cheating thieving bitch.

They believed we couldn't get pregnant.

So this is going to be interesting for us. Admittedly, I'm nervous. Very nervous. I dont care if they hate me but I don't know how I'll react if they say something about our unborn baby!

 

[StephtheHiker]

I feel so bad that you ladies have such horrid inlaws! That's awful! Two families coming together...a new life now...those things should be cause for celebration. And they can't set aside their pettiness?? The older I get the more I realize there are so few ADULTS out there!

I have lovely in laws; I am extremely fortunate. Even so, I like DH tell them because they're his family foremost. Now everyone's so excited that I better not lose it...I would hate to disappoint people with my crappy uterus ruining things.

 

[Gizzyy]

I have that dilemma too.. My OH stepsister has just had a baby and she's a very jealous person so I was going to tell them at Xmas but I think I'll hold off incase she has some kind of tantrum because she isn't centre of attention.

 

[Boothh]

Yeah my Inlaws hate me too! Havnt spoken to them in a whole or seen them since May so DH is gonna tell them. They arnt welcome here anyway so all they'll get is a text

 

[callypygous]

I'm sorry you all have problems with your in-laws, I do too though and am relieved to know that I am not alone.

I am 2 years older than my hubby (28/26) and when we got married back in June my in-laws made it v clear they thought we were marrying far too young. They then had a family friend tell DH it wouldn't be a good idea to have kids soon (as they didn't have the nerve to do it in person). I told DH from the start not to tell our parents until we reach 12 weeks (Dec 24th). This is mainly because if anything were to go wrong, I think his parents would take it as an opportunity to say it's not the right time, and I don't want to dislike them anymore than I already do.

I know my parents will be thrilled. We will be telling them first as we are visiting them first over Christmas. I'm hoping their reaction shows up that of my in-laws. I'm sure they will come round because they have to, but it's horrible having to worry about their reaction, and to know that any 'happiness' coming from them will be false.

 

[AnneD]

I have no useful advice, but if I were pregnant again, I'd hold off telling my inlaws for as long as possible. I was just under 4 months pregnant when husband thought we really should tell them, and it didn't go down well. mIL was speechless for the first time in her life, and not in a good way. The first thing she said was "Whaaaa'?" (in that r*tarded, chavvy way that is so hateful), then "Don't get anything ready, it can still go wrong," with hope in her voice. For the rest of my pregnancy, she acted as if I'd done her wrong by getting pregnant and she kept saying how things can still go wrong and never mind because it wasn't a good time to have a baby (when is it ever?!?) and she never thought her son would have children.

Fingers crossed you have a better experience.