advice please?! :/

[lorrx]

hello, I'm new on here and would really appreciate some advice. I am 18 and 8 weeks pregnant. I was casually seeing the father of the baby for 2 months when i got pregnant. when i told him i was late he was supportive and reassured me that whatever happens it'll all be fine. however when i told him the test was positive he told me it was my own fault for being so careless and bottom line not to contact him again. I ddnt want to start an argument so i told him i was sorry he felt that way. that was a month ago and havnt heard from him since. I was planning on telling my family however my sister lost her baby last week as she was premature and sadly passed away. she and my parents are devastated, I feel like it is not the time to spring this on them. I feel like i should try talking to the father of the baby and see if he has changed his mind but i dont know what to say. any advice would be greatly appreciated. thanks

 

[chasingbfp]

Would it really matter if he changed his mind? You would still need to tell your family regardless of what that loser is doing. I honestly wouldn't try and contact the dude and convince him to step up. He knows what he is missing out on. And in all honesty it's only him missing out. Your baby will know to only need you, of course when they get older and ask questions thats a different story. But, that is so far away its pracitically an after thought. As for your sister just recently losing her baby, I am so sorry for her! But, I don't think that should stop your joy. You should tell your family when you feel it's right. If you wait till your sister has "finished" grieivng that time probably will never come, so just make sure you aren't saying it ontop of her saying she misses her own baby. There are currently 3 pregnant woman in my family including me and no one had a problem announcing their pregnancy (as if to top someone elses joy) and if one of us were unfortunate to lose our babies, that would not stop anyone from celebrating the babies we are blessed with on earth and in heaven. So, don't let the happiness of your own pregnancy be brought down by someone elses loss. Just know when is a good time to talk and not to!

 

[bsd]

Maybe you should try telling your sister first, I would be more worried about what she thinks about it since she is in such a fragile spot with the idea of babies. And maybe your whole family will take it as a good sign and its suppose to happen. If you feel they might need another week or so then wait but I wouldn't wait too long, its better to get it out sooner!

And when it comes to the FOB... I wouldn't try contacting him. If he doesn't want anything to do with you or your LO then you two are much better off! If he's ready to come around on his own and apologize for his reaction in the first place than fine but if I were you I wouldn't give him the time of day until that happened!

Good luck and congrats on your pregnancy!

 

[lizmageeful]

I disagree with both of the PPs about your FOB. I would contact him one more time, just to talk stuff out. If it doesnt work then, I would let him go.
As for your sister, I agree that I think you should tell her first. But you have to tell your parents at some point, because they really are your best support system.

 

[AP]

I would say give your sister a little time just now, in the meantime make sure you get proper care.

 

[lorrx]

thanks so much for replying, I'm going to wait to tell my family for a few weeks as they are all still in shock and grieving over the loss, as for my FOB, i would like to talk to him about it, but i just dont know what to say, he lives a few hours away (i go to college there but dont start back for another month) so i would have to talk to him over the phone. I know my family will support me in time and my friends are all being a great support so im not alone, but i know his a good guy and has a good job develping software and would be a great dad.