advice please

[lauren89]

first of all, i'm new here. i needed some place to get my thoughts out, and came across this site. i don't know if this is appropriate for here, but thought I would post. Sorry, if this isn't necessarily the right place.

at the end of july, I found out that I was about four weeks pregnant. I didn't go to a doctor at the time, so I don't know for sure. my mom found out and told me I needed to get an abortion. I am 18, was about to go off to college, and there didn't seem to be a way for me to go to college, pregnant, and give birth in april. I didn't really want to get the abortion, but it seemed what was best. Ironically the day before my appointment, I ended up having a miscarriage. It's been about a month since I miscarried, and now it seems all that I can think about. I keep thinking that it's somehow my fault that I miscarried, and I just feel so bad, and so alone. I know I have my boyfriend, but still, I am now at the university, living on campus, and I just feel that no one here understands what I am going through, though I haven't really told anyone but my room mate. And, now, more than ever, I want to be pregnant again, to have a baby with my boyfriend. My boyfriend told me that we could try and get pregnant, but I know that my parents and his would be so angry. I don't know what to do. Has this happened to anyone else who miscarried before? Any advice?

 

[Sarah88]

I can't imagine what you feel like. Theres a part of the site devoted to miscarriage and loss support, you will be able to find alot of support from women there who have been through it.

 

[pennysbored]

Thats awful, honey. I miscarried when I was 17. It was really hard, and I still feel the loss sometimes. I know how lonely it feels.

 

[Rumpskin]

So sorry for your loss darling. I m/c in January and thought I would never get pregnant again. It will happen for you.

Take some time out and I promise, although you will never forget what has happened, it will get easier for you.

Kisses for your special angel xxx

 

[cuddles314]

So sorry for your loss. Check out the miscarriage and loss section on this site, where you will be able to get some fantastic support.
xxx

 

[AppleBlossom]

I'm sorry to hear that hun, must have been awful. However in my opinion I think you should get uni over with before you start trying again. I had only just started uni when I got pregnant and I missed so many lectures because I always felt tired and yucky. I ended up having to quit because I had missed so much work. I'm not saying this will happen to you but it is a possibility. Good luck!

 

[kiwimama]

My bf and I got pregnant 3 yrs ago when I was 19. We were living with his parents at the time and was completely unplanned but we decided to keep it. I ended up having a miscarriage and was devastated. I wanted another baby straight away for quite a while, but eventually that feeling went away and 3 yrs passed by. We are now pregnant again and in such a better place, living in our own place with more financial security. I know you feel like you want a baby right now because your head is all over the place and you are still grieving for your lost angel. Support each other and you will slowly move past this. Try to get uni out of the way to ensure you give your future children great financially stability. Take care hun!

 

[Sarahkka]

I am really sorry for your loss, sweetie. I just wanted to say that you have nothing to feel guilty about. The miscarriage was not caused by you and had nothing to do with your decision about abortion (I couldn't tell from the post, but I got the sense you were linking the two events).
It's very natural to feel that way because of all the grief you are dealing with, but I hope you can get to a place where you aren't blaming yourself. I would also echo the others on this thread and advise you to wait awhile before trying for another baby. I think you need to give yourself time to heal over the loss of this one. Then you need to give yourself time to think about the timing. If the pregnancy made you realize that having a baby is the most important priority for you, above and beyond all your other plans, then figure out how you'll manage and go for it. But give yourself some space from this loss and catch your breath first. It's a big decision and you have a lot of really intense emotions about it right now.
This site is really amazing for finding a sympathetic ear(s) if you need to talk. I would check out the miscarriage section. It might really help you deal with what you're feeling.
Best wishes.

 

[Jemma_x]

So sorry for your loss hun x

 

[BeckyBoo]

I'm very sorry for your loss. Please don't think I'm being careless when I write this. But you said yourself the pregnancy came at a bad time, so don't replace it until you're very ready. I MC before I had my daughter and I totally understand that it overtakes your mind. It's not you nessisarily ready for motherhood, but the fact your mind is wondering what would of been and making your subconcious crave it. Try talking to someone about it.

 

[beancounter]

sorry for your loss I am gatecrashing here, because I am not a teen, but i did think i was pregnant unexpectedly last year and miscarried though I can't be sure because I was in denial and didn't confirm it.I did feel terribly guilty though, in case my not wanting it caused the miscarriage. And then I too wanted to have a baby (and am) and I am very happy about that so i can sympathise with that.

but i also wanted to say what an important and special time going to uni was to me (after I settled in) and I'm glad I went out and got that experience before settling down. I think that miscarriage on a first pregnancy is quite common, some people say it's your body having a practice run to prepare for the real thing, I hope that you don't feel better soon. best to you.

 

[sophiecouldwe]

hello im really sorry to hear about ur loss. i understand completely wot u are goin through rite now. i fell pregnant wen i was 17 in feb of this year, i was in the middle of doin my A-Levels and gettin pregnant never had crossed my mind and it really did come at the wrong time so my plan was to have an abortion.
wen i was 6 weeks pregnant i had a miscarriage and it tore my world apart. i felt so guilty, that it was all my fault. i hated myself tht i had even considered having an abortion and convinced myself that i wud never have gone through wiv it. i balmed my OH cos he desperatly wanted me to keep the baby but told me to do wot i wanted and he wud be there for me wen i told him he shuda forced me to decide to keep it then maybe we would still have a baby now.
wen i was pregnant although i had decided to have an abortion i was still obsessed and loved the baby inside me. i spent days and days lookin at baby clothes, prams, names and that carried on after my miscarriage and i still am just as interested now.
after my miscarriage i was heartbroken and so was my OH its taken us 6 months to even begin to feel normal again. my OH wanted a baby again straight away but 4 me the thought of having another baby upset me even more. i didnt want ANOTHER baby i wanted the one i had lost.
after the upset finally passed and we began to think things through propperly and decide if its wot we really wanted we decided that it was. and we have now just started TTC. it took me a very long time to get over the upset but now i dont want to replace the little baby we had i just miss it and will never forget it.
im so for the super long post i jst wanted to share with u wot i went through cos i had very simular feelings to you and i want u 2 know it does eventually pass even wen it seems like your life will be this sad forever.
i can also relate to you about the mad parents. mine have found out tht we are TTC and they went crazy! but at the end of the day like many of the girls have told me on here, we're 18, adults and if ur ready ur ready. one thing having a miscarriage taught me was that lifes too short, it made me mature a lot and see things in a whole new light.
sorry again for the super long post im bit of a chatter box.
if u need to chat and are feeling lonely i'm always here xxxxx

 

[trishk]

Oh hunny please dont blame yourself! I shared a kind of similar experience to you. last year i fell pregnant and it wasnt really the right time as i had just started a new job and was only there to cover maternity leave and i knew that if i had to leave half way through to go on my own maternity leave there was no chance of the job being offered to me full-time if the lady decided not to return. Anyway my husband was thrilled and told me that everything would be great. But on the night that i found out i turned around to him and said "well hopefully i will miscarry" when the pregnancy sank in i did start to get excited but unfortunatley a few weeks in I did miscarry. I blamed myself for ages. My husband and i decided to try again and it took us over a year for this pregnancy to happen - i went to the doctors terrified i was going to miscarry again and explained what was said at hospital appointment etc. that happened when i miscarried and she said that she thinks what happened to me was called a blighted ovum so it was never going to be a viable pregnancy so i couldnt of caused it. Although realistically i know that thoughts are never going to cause you to miscarry if they could there would be no need for abortion clinics.
The miscarriage and loss part of this website will provide you with tonnes of support! Please think carefully about whether or not to get pregnant again so soon, remember you are grieving give yourself time to think. We are all here for you! If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me.

 

[mz_jackie86]

i miscarried when i was 19 and i wanted to keep i but because of what everyone was sayin i was goin to get rid of it....didnt need to in the end because of the miscarriage!
I think maybe its natures way of sayin that wasnt ur time, nt that it wont happen but maybe there is still more for u 2 do before u have a child! Maybe this has made u stronger and u wontlisten to peoples influences next time.
When u do next get pregnant u will be more mature and appreciate so much more because of what u have gone thru and u will be a stronger person! And u will know that then is your time!! x