Advice/Support Needed...4 month wakeful and cosleeping.

[gaiagirl]

Hi Ladies!

I haven't posted much on here, so I'll give some background.

First, my little man is amazing and wonderful and I almost even feel bad complaining about anything because he's always been wonderful!

Ok so since birth we have coslept with him occasionally in a bedside cosleeper. He started taking naps in his crib around 2 months and does amazing. I swaddle him, nurse him and rock him then he will sleep anywhere from 40min to 2 hours. He has about 3-4 naps a day.

He has always had a later bedtime because he tends to nap around dinnertime so he goes to bed around 9. He's always been nursed to sleep at night as well.

At the end of February he was consistently doing about two wake ups. One around 1/2 and one around 4/5. It was a quick easy latch on, eat, and right back to sleep. He woke at about 7 for the day.

Since he hit about 16 weeks he has been waking WAY more frequently, although naps haven't changed. Now he is up about every 2 hours all night. I've had a few 3-5 hour stretches in there but not many.

I guess I'm posting for a few reasons:

1) I am worried that nursing to sleep has created this issue as he keeps waking and needing to nurse to fall back asleep. It's VERY quick and easy as he doesn't even always open his eyes! But of course everything says that it's a 'bad habit' and should be stopped.

2) I don't plan to cosleep long term and would like him in his room (at least in the evening and first stretch) by 6 months or so. But we tried earlier bedtime in his room and he kept treating it as a nap and waking after one cycle.

3) I feel like I can handle this for a time, if I know it will pass but I'm starting to worry that I've created this situation myself. I am REALLY not willing to do any 'training' at this age or anytime soon so am I stuck with this?!

Anyone else cosleep, nurse to sleep and experienced a 4 month 'regression' that resolved?!

I really want to get back to our 2 wake ups!!!!!!

 

[beth_terri]

I would imagine it will be the same as all 4 month sleep regressions and will go back to 'normal' after a few weeks. X

 

[Haack]

I didn't nurse my son. But around 4 months he did wake up for a bottle way more often. I assumed it was a growth spurt.

I can't remember how long that lasted. Then when he was a bit older he was waking up more often again. I switched to night time diapers with a better absorbancy. That worked wonders.

Do you use a pacifier? Just kinda curious if your LO wakes up and is actually hungry or wakes up and needs something to suck on for comfort to fall asleep again.

I did use a pacifier for my son. He stopped using it on his own by 10 months. But I would call it my snooze button, hehehe. It would always buy me another 5-10 minutes before I really had to get up to feed him or change him...

 

[gaiagirl]

Actually he took one until this whole regression started! Lol Great timing little man!

I do try sometimes to resist feeding at every waking but it usually gets him fully awake and upset, so I usually feed because we don't have real alert time at night and I don't want to add that to the pile!

I am sure looking back in a year I'll feel silly about worrying, but at the time it's happening its hard to know it's a phase!

I guess I'm also looking for some advice on what to do about bedtime as a bedsharer. Leaving him in our bed isn't possible in our house so I'd like (ideally) for him to start going down around 8 in his room and then either being transferred or coming to our room at first waking. Anyone else do this?

 

[jcg0506]

My lo did something similar, a little earlier than the typical 4 month regression, and I assumed it would resolve itself but over a month later, it hadn't. At that point, we began to rock him back to sleep in between feeds. Since I had been nursing back to sleep whenever he woke up, sometimes only an hour after the last feed, I knew that his problem wasn't hunger, and I didn't want him to rely on nursing to fall back asleep when he wasn't hungry. I figured the longest time he would go between a feed was four hours (at 5 months) so if he woke between four hours, DH would rock him back to sleep. It took a little while for him to get used to falling asleep this way, but he began to go longer and longer without waking up and stretching out his feeds, roughly an extra hour each month. I think it helped him to learn to fall asleep in more than one way. This is what worked for us. Many women can nurse and cosleeep without hardly waking up and don't mind if lo wakes to feed multiple times throughout the night. This just isn't me.
Ps. Although he sometimes slept in bed with me, most often he was in a bassinet or pack n play next to our bed. At one year, DH insisted he move to his own room, and he did just fine.

 

[gaiagirl]

Yes, I keep thinking I need to commit to doing this but then at 2:34am I barely wake and just stick the boob in his mouth and forget the whole plan! Lol I need to commit!!!!

 

[tokyo]

Your LO sounds very similar to mine. She's a little older so we've just been through this (and come out the other side)!

Always nursed to sleep and co-slept with LO in her own bed next to us. Bring her into bed for night feeds and sometimes she makes it back to her own crib and other times stays in with us! Was a brilliant sleeper (going 11pm-6am) between 6 and 12 weeks, then started waking every 90mins when the 12 week growth spurt hit. Got through that and then the 16 week one hit and she was back to waking every 2hrs for feeds. Like you I tried leaving her a little while and sometimes she would resettle but often she'd just wake right up and it would be more of a mission to get her back to sleep! So I finally resorted to bedsharing pretty much full time.

Started to worry that I was making a bad habit and that she was only waking for feeds so often because I was letting her. Like you, though, I wasn't strong enough at 2am to say no - boob is so much easier! I did notice though that she wasn't feeding as much in the day and that she was getting very distracted during feeds. Did a bit of research and found this (Wakeful 4 month olds) on Kellymom. So I tried feeding her more frequently in the day, nursing in a quiet, darkened room and choosing times when she was sleepy (before feeds worked well). Found that she fed more in the day and then didn't need to wake for it at night so much. We are now back to sleeping for 4 hours at a stretch between feeds (though not at the mo as she is sick!)

I've also found that in the last week or so she has begun to pull off my nipple while just drowsy and then fall asleep the last little bit on her own. Sometimes at night she will lie and stare at the baby monitor light for quite a while and then fall asleep. So I know that she can fall asleep without nursing and she has just learnt how to do this herself. Again I found kellymom useful for info on nursing to sleep . I'm now also able to disturb her a little when putting her down in her crib asleep - before she would become wide awake and I'd have to start all over again, now she just blinks a few times then drifts back off. I truly believe falling asleep by themselves is a skill they just need to develop when they are ready, just like sitting or crawling.

I too plan to move her into her own room after 6 months (waiting to see how night feeds go before choosing a specific time). I will probably put her down in her own room (either feeding to sleep or putting down drowsy depending on her needs at the time) and then bring her in with us at the first feed. Am expecting that eventually the feeds will space out and then she will end up going all night in her own bed. I'm not stressing over it - I don't read parenting books etc for exactly this reason, I'm just going with what feels right for us.

Sorry for the long post - hope it helps!

 

[aliss]

It's the regression and it just takes time to pass. You didn't cause it, and you can't fix it. IMO "sleep training" (ie CC/CIO) is just mean at this age (sorry, I know I really can't write that in the regular section). They need food and extra night support at this stage. I don't understand why people force food or crying for such a normal phase.

My LO is going thorugh it too, yet has just learned to self settle in the day. Odd! It really is just a night experience. 4-6 weeks max for both. Grab some coffee and hang in there!

 

[gaiagirl]

Thanks ladies!!! I reeeaaaalllllly should stop reading books and things, it's just so hard because I'm a biologist so I am kinda trained in the scientific solving the problem kinda mindset

Last night was one of our worst as he got waaaay overtired an was restless all night and even fully woke at one point and I had to get out of bed (the horror!!!!!!)!

Tokyo it sounds like we have pretty much the same game plan! Hopefully I get back to the 4 hour stretches soon too!!!!!

 

[tokyo]

Thanks ladies!!! I reeeaaaalllllly should stop reading books and things, it's just so hard because I'm a biologist so I am kinda trained in the scientific solving the problem kinda mindset

Last night was one of our worst as he got waaaay overtired an was restless all night and even fully woke at one point and I had to get out of bed (the horror!!!!!!)!

Tokyo it sounds like we have pretty much the same game plan! Hopefully I get back to the 4 hour stretches soon too!!!!!

On the biology front I found it was very helpful to remind myself that my baby is a actually an infant mammal and to try and forget how 'experts' have decided that she should be fed and instead go with how her biology dictates that she needs to be fed. Read this article here from Parenting Science for lots of info that explains why babies need to be breastfed frequently, on demand. That should satisfy the sciencey side of you (my OH is a science teacher and is exactly the same )

 

[aliss]

Can you imagine if a cheetah told her cubs "NO", it's not xPM/AM, and then let them whine in the cave? Talk about inviting trouble. I wonder why humans think they are so much smarter than nature, isn't this destroyed world a sign that perhaps we aren't as wise as we think?

 

[gaiagirl]

Couldn't agree more with you ladies, it's sometimes just hard to remember these things when you are so bombarded with 'sleep training' ideas and Facebook friends whose babies sleep 10-12 hours at a time. Lol.

Never thought I'd question myself on anything as much as I already have in 4 months! There's simply wayyyy too many opinions on child rearing out there!

I have a VERY happy and healthy baby, who is amazing in every way. And I'm in Canada and have the ability to be home from work all year...so I should probably just chill out!

Lack of sleep is pretty hard though...wish I had appreciated it more before

 

[aliss]

Aw gaia, it's hard, for sure! My 1st was the same, and yet now he asks to go to bed and I have to drag him out after a nap. It happens one day.

 

[tokyo]

Couldn't agree more with you ladies, it's sometimes just hard to remember these things when you are so bombarded with 'sleep training' ideas and Facebook friends whose babies sleep 10-12 hours at a time. Lol.

Never thought I'd question myself on anything as much as I already have in 4 months! There's simply wayyyy too many opinions on child rearing out there!

I have a VERY happy and healthy baby, who is amazing in every way. And I'm in Canada and have the ability to be home from work all year...so I should probably just chill out!

Lack of sleep is pretty hard though...wish I had appreciated it more before

Lack of sleep is soooooo hard - I totally feel your pain! My LO is ill at the moment so wants mummy comfort all night - I'm shattered but when I woke up this morning I got the most gorgeous smile; it's those moments that you live for and which make it all worth it

On the parenting side of things - I've found that it makes a real difference who you surround yourself with. I go to some baby groups with lots of more 'mainstream' mums - all formula feeding, traditional weaning, CIO etc and I don't get any of their conversations, approaches or thoughts at all. I started going to the La Leche League breastfeeding group and met lots of other 'natural' mums and found we have lots more in common - after sessions there I feel so much better as the other mums aren't having some kind of competition over how many hours their baby sleeps or how much baby rice they've managed to shovel in them, it's much more gentle and honest and open.

I think you have to slowly gain the confidence to go with your own approaches and beliefs and know that they are what's best for you and your family, despite what others may try and tell you. It's not easy (I still have crises of confidence ALL the time) but you slowly get there!

 

[DancingSheba]

hey im in the same boat! you're not alone, very sleep deprived mommy here. same thing too. only waking twice a night and now i cant count how many times. i also had to stop swaddling recently because she can roll and she just doesnt like it anymore. so that could be adding to it too. It will pass. It just sucks at the moment lol

 

[Bean66]

I think this kellymom article is helpful.

https://kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/4mo-sleep/