Advice

[mummy3]

OK hope someone can offer me some direction!
I have 3 kids, my husband is the father of the younger 2.
Now my first, I was a single mum from when I was about 5 months pregnant until I met my now DH when my daughter was 2. My ex doesnt want anything to do with my daughter, his choice.
Now to my dilemma, he was paying money through the CSA, he approached them, I think his mum put him up to it lol, yet still he often didnt pay and it had to be taken from his wages.
We moved to America, and now csa cant be involved, and im not sure what to do about this for my daughter, I asked him again if he wanted to involved he said no, and doesnt want to provide for her either.
Ok, so do you think I need to do more?
Also is it ok to post here?

 

[karamel]

I'm really not sure how the support would work ; seeing as you're in two separate countries, right? & I also don't know what the support system is like in the states either. *I'm in Canada*
Sorry I can't help xox.
As per him being involved, if he hasn't been involved thus far, there's nothing you really can nor need to do in continuance to that.
Good luck tho love xox

 

[mummy3]

Thankyou!
Yeah im in the states, I know csa cant do it, I just dont want my daughter turning round and saying I made it so he cant be involved

Im probably just putting way to much thought into this!

 

[karamel]

From your ticker it shows your daughter is about 5 1/2 ; if he hasn't been involved thus far, there is in no way you can be blamed for him not being involved.
It's been his choice this far & just because you've moved, doesn't make it impossible for him to see his daughter, if he was going to.
For example, in the case of my parents ; their divorce was finalized the day after my first birthday. My dad popped into my life once in a while until he passed away 5 years ago. Not once did I blame my mother for his not being around ; I knew it was his choice as to whether he wanted to be involved or not, and he basically chose not to. He was selfish and honestly, not a good father in general. As long as you explain to your daughter once she 's old enough to really understand what has gone on between you and her father, and the choices he made, I'm sure she'll understand. It's not like you've completely cut him out & not TRIED to have him have a life with your daughter. It's been his choice, you've made your attempts to get him involved and he's declined. It's his loss & your daughter WILL understand that.
If she chooses to get in contact with him when she's older, I'm sure you won't deny her that chance. & when she does, either he'll realize his mistake, or he'll just confirm what you've told her from day one.
Hope that helps ease your mind a little bit xx

 

[mummy3]

Thankyou for sharing your story!
Theres always going to be guilt for her, but your right hes a grown man and he had opportunities