Advice!

[Louby]

Heres my long (sorry!) story, any advice welcome please..

Well i'd have to say ive had a nightmare week. Im 20 years old and have been in what i thought was a loving three year relationship. On monday i found out im pregnant with my first baby. I was obviously shocked as it was an unplanned pregnancy. I told the dad straight away and he immediatly said he couldnt cope and it was a choice i had to make, him or the baby!

At first i thought it was just shock but it definatly isnt.He doesnt want the child whatsoever and im doubting he wants me anymore. Were not in the best situation to be honest, we both live with parents, hes is starting his final year of uni in september and myself my second year of college! We are not financially secure either. But somehow the thought of giving up the child makes me feel sick. I seem to change my mind all the time. I love him very much but its gone too far now.

On thursday night, he said he was going to asda to get some things for his car. He then turned his phone off all night, At quarter to six friday morning i got a phonecall from his freind to say he was in a bad state. I had to go and get him in a taxi miles away (thirty pound it cost) when i got there he was so drunk it was unbelievable. He had what can only be described as foundation all over his shirt and round his face, he said his freind has washed his face!!

I took him home to his house and his mother started screaming at me saying ineed to rid of it because it would ruin their lives (obviously not thinking of my feelings). She then went on to say she was changing my name on my holiday which she booked because she doesnt want me anywere near him and she thinks i got pregnant on purpose-( i was on the pill and it takes two to tango!)

Im six weeks pregnant and dont need the stress so i walked away without arguement, went to my best freinds and she said she would stick by me all the way, come to the antenatals and even booked off work the day of my first scan!

Another problem is telling my mum and stepdad.They will be so disapointed in me, i couldnt face it. I doubt they would want their little girl having a baby without a father at the age of 21.

My head is so messed up right now, any advice and comments would be greatly appreciated..

xxx

 

[~ Vicky ~]

Hii Louby

First off, congrats on your pregnancy

Secondly, I feel I can relate to you a little bit. I'm 21* and having my little girl without her father being around. I'm not going to lie to you, it's hard work and i've had so many days where i've thought 'I can't do this' but one thing I do know is that I would never have been able to give her up, and I would have hated myself if I did.

A baby doesn't ruin your life.. it just takes you down a different path to what you planned. It's a great gift. The choice is ultimately yours but to me it doesn't sound like your partner is worth it. I found out my ex was cheating on me around the time I found out about my baby and he told me to have an abortion. I could've listened to him, but i'm glad I didn't.

It's not fair for him to ask you to make a choice, but ask yourself this - No matter how much you love him, could you ever forgive him for making you get rid of your baby?

As for your parents.. they might be disappointed, but i'm sure they'll come round. I was shitting myself telling my parents but they were extremely supportive of me and have helped me every step so far. It sounds like you've got great support from your friend too, so you won't ever be alone

As for money, there are grants and benefits you'll be entitled to, so don't worry about that

Good luck with your decision

Edit - * No i'm not i'm 22 now

 

[brownhairedmom]

I'm 20 and in the same situation as you. I left my boyfriend after he turned into a complete jerk about the baby and tried to make me get rid of it at first. You are absolutely not alone.

Things will be different now but you need to think that they will be different in a good way. You sound better off getting away from him to tell you the truth, you said that your relationship was rocky. If he is acting like this already then maybe it is time for a break.

I had to give up my last year of university and move back in with my parents. It was defintely an adjustment but my parents have been here for me throughout it all. I'm sure your parents will help once they come to terms with it.

 

[nikky0907]

It's definitely an adjustment.
But a baby will make your life different,it certainly won't make it worse.

I was in real shock when I first found out that I am pregnant.I just turned 19,I just finished my first year of university/college.

But you wouldn't belive how excited and happy I am to welcome my little girl in to the world.

Some might say that it's a difficult situation but I really made the best of it.
Behind every cloud there's a silver lining!


You'll get through this and your boyfriend is an utter idiot for what he's missing out on!

 

[Munchkin]

Hey hun,
So sorry to hear about how your fella has treated you. It takes two to tango and he and his mother obviously do not want to face the consequences for his actions. Nor do they seem to have any respect for human life!

You are very brave and you will not regret keeping the child. It is going to be hard and require huge adjustment, but you will get through it and be really proud that you did.
It sounds like you are in two minds and may really regret not keeping baby if you do decide to abort.

Your folks will get used to the idea... unhappy as they might be to start with. You may have to give them some time.

Just do what's right for you.... and really you need to get shot of that bloke of yours! Because he ain't helping!

 

[Irishmum]

Hey hun!

Im 20 years old and and pregnant, and can completely understand how scared ya are. I think before you make any decisions on this matter you should talk to your parents, regardless of what you do or don't do, having their support will help. And as much as your worried about talking to them it won't be anywhere near as bad as you think.

As far as the father goes, you need someone in your life that will support you. It doesn't seem to be registering with him that there's two of you in this thing. He's being pretty damn selfish. You certainly don't strike me as the type of person that deserves that treatment. Stay strong, keep the chin up and draw on every supportive person ya have out there! Best of luck! Emz

 

[Younglutonmum]

Everyone notice how alot of us girlies here are 20/21 ??

Anyways, i'm 20 & about to have my first my LO on my own. My ex was the same way with me & so was his mum!!

In the end you'll be fine hunni!! Aslong as you love ur LO ur gonna get on just great! im loving my pregnancy now & so glad I carried on with it!! Couldnt imagine not being a mummy now!!

As Vicky said, don't worry about the financial aspect. Here in England we have a relatively good benefit system. Ok it's not the most amount of money but it's enough to live!! Also don't worry about your education!! There's so much help available to help you continue with your studies while bringing up a child!! I plan to go back to college next year & my local job centre said they can help find childcare & help fund it!!

 

[brownhairedmom]

Everyone notice how alot of us girlies here are 20/21 ??

I have noticed this! Odd, isn't it? I guess the *BOYS* we were with just aren't responsible enough. I think I'm just going to start dating guys over 25 from now on lol. But then again, Adam was 24 so I guess it doesn't make a difference.

 

[demonmadcat]

I feel so old... lol..

I'm nearly 30... although ex OH is 24 (i think... am rubbish with ages.. I mean, I was only with him 18 months... lol)

So it may be an age thing on their part, rather than ours....

Em

 

[cuddles314]

My ex is 46 (I'm 27) and he's still proved himself to be a total ass, so unfortunately it doesn't look like they do always get better with age! lol

Sorry that your OH is being a total jerk, he sounds very immature, and as for his Mother's behaviour, well that sounds disgrceful. She should surely know better. It amazes me the way in which some MILs act, they seem to have forgotten what it's like to be a young woman, pregnant, stressed and scared etc.

Stay strong hun, your lucky to have such a good friend supporting you, and I'm sure your parents will be ok, even if they are a bit shocked at first.

This forum is great for advice, and everyone on here is really friendly, so don't ever feel that you're alone. There's always somebody with good advice on hand.
xx

 

[maybebaby]

Men just suck!! (even mine) It is hard, but you'll be ok. My OH was less then thrilled when we found out - not planned as well, and it took him a while to come around and he is 38!!! Granted, my situation is a bit different, but he knew from the start that I will do this with or without him... Hang in there and be strong!!!

 

[Moulder86]

I'm 22 (just) I don't think age has anything to do with it my ex is 35 and is only just starting to act like and adult!

Nobody's going to lie to you it's not going to be easy if you decide to keep bubs but I think in the end you'll make the right decision for you. I know it's going to be hard, difficult, trying at times and lonely but it'll all be worth it to have my lil boy.

Your parents will probably be shocked at first and yea a lil disappointed but I'm sure they'll support you no matter what your decision. And we're all here too.

xxx

 

[Louby]

thanks everyone!

nothings changed hes still being an idiot..

being the brat he is he texted me mum and told her when i wanted to do it myself-suprisingly she was so nice and very supportive but said she is going to kill him haha

xx

 

[Munchkin]

Oh great news about your mum being supportive hun!
M x

 

[cuddles314]

That's great that your Mum's being supportive hun!! And I think I'd want to kill him as well, if I was in her shoes, esp the way he's treated you.
xx