Afraid and trying after a full term loss

[AfterAbigail]

Hello,

My husband and I lost our baby girl Abigail on the 22nd September 2009. I was 42+ weeks and was in labour. Abigails umbilical cord suddenly snapped off about three inches away from her belly button and no one can really understand how or why it happened. The cord and placenta were in good condition and all the tests they did on me indicated I was fine and there wasn't any infections. Abigail too was perfect. They think that she may have been positoned at a funny angle and one of my contractions caused it to snap. They are sadly only guessing as all the professionals involved said they had never seen it before. It happened very suddenly which is why no one realised anything was wrong for a few minutes as everthing had been normal and running perfectly. She never got ino distress, they say it would have been like she just fainted and didn't come back around. There wasn't enough time to get her out but they tried and rushed to have me under a general. It's so hard. Just typing this too you now has me in tears. Nearly ten months on and we are starting to try again.
I'm afraid of the following:
1. That we wont get pregnant again
2. We get pregnant again and we lose another child
3. The pressure of that pregnancy
4. That I let my husband down
5. That I did something wrong the first time
6. That I have to be perfect
7. That Abigail will be angry or think we are trying to replace her
8. That Abigail wil be forgotten by others
9. That some damage occured during my emergency c-section
10. That I wont feel happy ever again

Ahhhhh!

 

[debgreasby]

Oh hunni the hugest of to you.

All of your fears are perfectly rational, but it doesn't mean they will happen.

Welcome to the boards, we're all here for each other xxx

 

[parkgirl]

I'm so sorry.

 

[thepurlqueen]

I am so sorry Everything you are feeling is normal. I cannot say I know what it's like, but I know there are some nice ladies here who do and can support you through this tough time! I hope you find all the support you want and the peace you need.

 

[tinybutterfly]

so sorry for your loss (((hugs)))

as said before, your fears are completely normal but the chances of this happening again are very very small.

you will get preggers again, you will...
and abigail will watch over you, not be angry, you haven't done anything wrong.
just remember to make your next child not feel as if they are the replacement kid,
i often thought that after i found out my mom had a mc (at 8 months) before me.
just like with you though, it wasn't anything that could be controlled, the umbelical cord
got around his neck, cutting off supplies, nothing anyone could have done

 

[Eskimobabys]

 

[Allie84]

I'm so sorry this happend to you, and I'm so sorry for the loss of Abigail. Welcome to the site...I think you will find a lot of support and comfort here. Have you looked at this forum? https://www.babyandbump.com/stillbirths-neonatal-loss-sids/
They have other ladies who have been through similiar losses and I know they really support eachother.

As has been said all of your fears are normal, but not necessarily rational. You certainly didn't let anyone down, and Abigail knows you will never replace her or try to replace her. Also, no one who loves you will ever forget Abigail as they know she is a part of you. You didn't do anything wrong...and as you even said, it was very rare so the chances of it happening again so so tiny. You are way more likely to get pregnant and go on to have a normal birth and baby, and while it may feel strange and like you are replacing Abigail, you aren't. But one of the best ways you can honor her memory is to keep going and keep trying. Good luck on this journey, and know it's normal to be afraid, but that things will work out. Take care.

 

[Lucia]

So sorry about your little girl. What you are feeling is normal. If the doctors have said it was an accident with the chord, chances are that this wouldn't happen again. Talk to your doc if you are feeling really concerned. He/she may be able to calm your fears a bit.

 

[bluesky]

 

[Tigerlilies]

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine how this tragedy has affected you. Everything all these wonderful women have written is so true though. I'm sure your husband is upset, but I don't he's upset with you. You were blessed with a little angel but her fate was to give you this experience. Honor her by trying to figure out what can be gained from this experience and use that to grow in life. You and your husband will never forget Abigail, that's what matters, and your other children won't change how you love her and how you will love them. We are all here for you.

 

[MrsCrabsticke]

 

[Sarah27]

Hiya Hun!
Sorry for the loss of your little angel Abigail.. We were going for Abbigail as our little girls name.. we found out at our 20wk scan that we were expecting a girl...... However fast forward to 36 weeks and 5days and our baby had died. Our second SON was born in Feb this year. Thats me never trusting a sonographer again! Our little man Matthew was aneamic and there was no known cause to him been soo poorly.. he just was... Its so hard to accpet and deal with.

We are on the rocky road of ttc again and its such hard work! Only on our 2nd cycle and it feels like we have been here forever!

Are you on Sands? I find it a very useful forum.. it has helped me alot! I am on there aswell? Just spreading my wings about a little bit on here!

All your feelings are normal and I think any pg after a fullterm loss is going to be the hardest thing to cope with..
Sending you hugs to you and your little angel xxxx

 

[MaternalMe]

Hi Honey,

so sorry for your loss.

Life is so cruel and testing - but remember Abigail will be forever in your heart. My firstborn was a stillbirth and i then had a daughter after him - each child holds a special place in your heart - my DD is my life - she knows about her brother and has been eager to be a big sis for so many years now - she is 7 now. My son would have been 10 this year - time enables you to deal with your loss but you (and those around you) will never forget.

Stay strong honey.