Age gaps?

[lepaskilf]

Hello all,

I was wondering if people could give me a sort of brief Pros n Cons of having Small and Big ages gaps between babies? Esp their relationship together.

My DS is 2 now but we've never really planned on having another, and any small idea of another there was certainly no plan of having them close together!

We always liked the idea of having a good 4-5 years age gap, but now we look at DS playing we wonder whether we should have one sooner!

 

[Floralaura]

I have a 8 year gap between my two..I never planned to have a big gap but it ended up with not TTC until DS1 was over 6and then it took over a year to conceive. I have found the gap to be good, as DS1 is old enough to care for himself enough to have let me get on with looking after DS2 when he was new and DS1 has been able to help out. They are the best of friends now and DS2 idolises DS1 and waits at the window for him at hometime and stuff..but we are TTC now as I would like to have a smaller gap between DS2 and number 3 as I know in a few years when DS1 is 16 and DS2 is 8 they wont be such good friends (I had a Brother 9yrs younger than me lol)..I am not brave enough to go for 2 under 2 etc so we decided to wait until LO was 18mths before TTC so that we have over 2years gap..I have found it good with a big gap though..even though everything is so different, what you could do then you would be shot for doing now lol..x

 

[Tanikit]

I have a 3.5 year age gap between my children. I actually would have liked 2 years but we needed more time because of other circumstances and in the end it has worked well. My eldest was out of nappies before the second was born and is reasonably independent. We have had some jealousy issues but I think that can happen whatever age gap you have. My eldest adores her little sister and could also participate some in the pregnancy. If I were to have a third I would probably want a similar age gap simply because I have very difficult pregnancies which affect my children and I need the youngest to be old enough to cope with the pregnancy and my eldest to be old enough to look after herself somewhat when need be during a pregnancy.

 

[sabby52]

We have a 9 year 9 months age gap between our 2, it wasnt planned (Dec was a wee surprise) but I wouldnt have it any other way. They get on fantastic and Dan is always on the look out for Dec, they play football, x-box,playstation ect. together, plus we have the benefit of Dan now being old enough to take Dec out and about now and again

 

[Blah11]

ours will be 2 years 10 months which i think will be perfect. If I fell pregnant with a sticky one the first month of ttc i'd of had a 6 month old by now and the thought of havign an amelie 6 months ago with a newborn terrifies me!

 

[lepaskilf]

My That's a big age gap Flora... do you remember how your eldest felt when he was an only child?.... We always wanted just the one, but now I see him playing on his own I feel guilty for not giving him a sibling, it's good to know that if I leave it quite long then they may still get on!

I like the idea of a 3.5yr age gap like you Tanikit... not too long, not too short! It also gives me another few months to properly think about it!

It'd be interesting to hear the pros and cons of people with one child? )

 

[Blah11]

My oh was an only child and hated it. He def wanted 2 because of this.

 

[lepaskilf]

Thanks for the replies!

Sabby, so were you planning on just the one originally then? I like the idea of being able to concentrate on the newborn whilst the eldest is in school.

Blah11.. Congratulations on your pregnancy! Just the thought of having a newborn with a toddler terrifies me!!... Although Tom, now he's over 2 is getting much easier as he can understand a bit more. I think I might WWT until spring, that gives us a 3 and a bit age gap (asuming all goes well!)

 

[lepaskilf]

My oh was an only child and hated it. He def wanted 2 because of this.

Yeah there's a few people I've spoken to who are only children and they said they wished thay had a sibling, even now they're older!

We did only want one to start off with (my OH is still in 2 minds more than I am about having another) but if I don't have another I reckon I'll end up feeling guilty in a few years time about not giving him a sibling!

 

[Floralaura]

He wasnt bothered until he got to about 5 and he would then gaze at Babies wherever we went and then he started with asking for a Baby..he was so excited when we told him we were having a Baby..(we told him at 4 weeks, so it was a loonnngggg 9mths..wouldnt do this again though lol). He came to all the private scans we had and we had a doppler and he used to use that and he was desperate for Baby to arrive.
Now he loves him to bits and is great with him but DS2 is into everything now so does annoy DS1 a little with his toys but we aee about to move house to a 3 bed so they acn have a room each (DS2 is in our room still and we have been relegated to the living room!) but DS1 has been saying he wants LO in his room with him rather than have their on rooms..not sure how long that will last though lol.
I had joked that we could have another 9 year age gap between LO and number 3 and then try and get another 9yr gap between 3&4 but I was joking..though its nice to have had the big gap I would like smaller ones next times..x

 

[lepaskilf]

Wow if you had a 9 yr age gap each time you'll be a mum to children forever! lol!!

I don't think I'd like that bigger age gap, I can see Tom asking for a sibling in a yrs time!... I'm glad to know it can work out well though!

There is a 13 yr age gap between me and my bro and we don't really get on as bro n sis as I moved out when he was about 9 and now it's like he is an only child living with his dad on his own. I think he'd have liked a sibling of a similar age!... I also have a sister who is 13months younger than me, and although we argued alot in our teenage years, I think we got on well when we were really little, and get on well now. Better with each other than we do with our brother!

 

[iceylou]

there is a 12 yr age gap between nicole and kyle. she adores him but as hes entering into the dreaded teen moody/grumpy years, hes tending to ignore her unless i roar at him lol. he did this on sat and i nearly hit the roof. she was in her high chair, he was sitting next to her and completely ignored her. poor nicole was calling him and getting upset.

hes usually very good with her. the only major downside to such a huge gap is i had to buy everything. i had a cot and a changing unit belonging to kyle but of course after 4 years got rid of them, toys etc all gone too. im not getting rid of anything yet just in case

 

[Poppy7]

We have a 22 month age gap. Sure, it's busy and hectic but I wouldn't have it any other way. I like the fact that in 6 months time they will play together and are so close in age.

I have re used all of our original baby things (apart from non unisex clothes) and was already in the nappy changing zone with my little boy so an extra nappy is nothing to contend with!

 

[Tegans Mama]

There's a four year age gap between me and my sister and whilst my Mum found it quite a struggle, she found it easier than my Aunt did (who had an 18 month gap between her two oldest.)

For me the ideal gap is 3-4 years. Tegan is already three so the clock is ticking... But anything over 3 years but under 8 would be fine by me

 

[RachA]

We have 2 years 2 months between ours and i think it works well. They are close enough in age that i can do the same things with them and both like them.

Having grown up with a sister who was 4 years older i never wanted a big gap as we never got on. Also i sometimes wonder if you have a big gap if the eldest one ends up feeling like a free babysitter eventually.
Also my brother has 2 boys who are 10 & 9 and a girl who is 3 and i often think that, although the boys love her to bits they will leave home and she'll go from being the spoilt youngest to being effectively an only child.

 

[claire23]

There will be 2 years gap between my children. I honestly don't know how it's going to work out. I think it will be quite hard for the first 6 months but in the long run they will be very close. There is only 1 year gap between me and my sister, and she is my best friend for life.

 

[letia659]

there is a 5 yr gap between my two and that wasnt by choice we started ttc when Jacob was a year old and finally Zander came right after he turned 5 ! I love it though Jacob is old enough that I can give plenty of time to Zander he is in school during the day so its just me and Z here and I get my one on one time with him but when they are together they play really well together and fight some like all brothers Jacob does have times he wants away and to do his own thing and we make sure that happens but in all its worked perfect for the four of us!
there is a 3 and half year gap between me and my brother and we get along fine but we arent close and never have been with my DH he is 5 yrs younger than his brother and a year older than his sister so big gap and small gap he doesnt get along with either of them at all he was the loner child that never wanted to play with them and he just never was close to them... its different for every family I guess

 

[hellohefalump]

We have a nearly 3 year age gap. Pretty good, Madeleine was still in nappies when Mojo was born, but was out of them pretty soon afterwards, so that's a positive.

We had a little bit of jealousy at the beginning, but nothing major and Madeleine soon got old enough for it not to be an issue at all.

Now she likes showing off her little brother to her friends and teachers at school, and they play really nicely together now Mojo is walking around and has started talking a little.

It kind of helps that they are girl/boy though, because Mojo really likes cars and boy stuff, and Madeleine likes princesses, barbie and girl stuff. So there's not a lot of issue with sharing because they're into different things. We do have two toy buggies though because they both like those and they play together with them which is nice.

Madeleine was soooo pleased yesterday when Mojo first said her name!

On the odd occasion when they both want the same toy, Madeleine is old enough to be told 'you can have it for one minute and then it's Mojo's turn' and she shares her toy after one minute is up.

So... all in all, the nearly three year age gap has worked well for us.

 

[lepaskilf]

Well there are certainly lots of pros and cons to differing age gaps!.... I don't really mind buying all of the stuff again as I got most of it off ebay last time, and I think it'll be exciting, like the 1st time to choose all the stuff again!

I like the idea of a 3-4 yr age gap the most though, thanks to what you've mentioned Hufalump, it sounds like they get on really well and not too stressful!

This means that I'll have to try and convince OH by Jan at the latest and then get cracking!

Thanks for all the help x

 

[aimee-lou]

Personally I think you can make any age gap work for your family, as you'll adapt.

I was an only child and I definitely want more than one because of this. Not only from the childhood playmate perspective (I confess I was a bookish child but maybe this was because I didn't have a playmate) but later on in life, as teenagers you need someone to chat to about stuff, and to fight with lol, and also, not to be morbid, but there's only me to take care of my parents when they are elderly, and that thought scares the living daylights out of me (being perfectly honest there).

We actively tried for 2 school years between ours, and it worked out that, all being well, Earl will be 2 years and 7 months when this one arrives. We would like a 3rd too and will be trying immediately for that one - we just think that dynamic will work for us this time.

Any age gap is good IMO but I wouldn't want Earl to be an only child.