Aidan's 'dad' got back into contact how do I deal with this?

[Aidan's Mummy]

So Aidan's biological dad got back into contact yesterday. Well I say he did, he girlfriend emailed me and said can we start again. I said he needs to inatiate contact and gave her my number. He rang me and I basically said we are going to have to take this slow as he can't just expect to walk back into Aidan's life after 18 months and for it all to be ok. Aidan doesn't remember his real dad and he see's my fiancee as daddy now. Of course I would love for Aidan to have a realtionship with his biological dad but I am finding it really hard i.e. how to deal with it

1. Aidan has no memory of him
2. I don't want him walking in and out of Aidan's life because Aidan will end up getting hurt
3. How am I going to explain that Brandon isn't his real dad at such a young age?

I want to do this without causing Aidan to much confusion. What do I do about visitation? How do I introduce his dad? I would really appreciate some advice Thanks in advance

 

[Amber4]

Wow that's a hard one. I have no idea which is the "right" way do this. If I were you though I'd start very simple and his Dad should understand that. I'd start with visits perhaps at your home where you and OH would be? After all he needs to gain your trust and Aidan has to get to know him. Sadly if he can't remember him then he's simply a stranger! Then you could work on visits out with his Dad but I doubt that is gonna happen anytime soon! I don't know how you explain to a child about a real Dad and then your fiancee who he knows. That's so confusing. I still think your fiancee should be part of this as he's been there and Aidan's Dad should understand that. Maybe the other ladies might know how to help you better. Good luck xx

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Thank you hun x

 

[lau86]

Do you think he's here to stay? Why did he not see LO for so long? I think first you need to know he's not gonna walk away again before you even introduce him to LO.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

I personally think it won't last. The reason he hasn't seen him for so long is due to the fact me and him split up he got a new girlfriend and gradually contact dwindled down to nothing. There has been no birthday or Christmas cards and no contact what so ever since that happened x

 

[Eternal]

Just want to send you hugs what a terrible position to be put in.

I don't know your circumstances, but I guess my thought would be you should give him a chance, contact with you there, and maybe not explaining who he is right away, just use his name, But then that may become more confusing. But slow, meet at like a soft play, so they can see each other but not too much interaction, and build from there. Listen o your gut though x

 

[lau86]

Absent fathers just make me so angry (my dad was one). Gah. Idk Hun I think you need to give him a chance even if you think it won't last. But I would be very careful and take it slow, maybe meet at soft play like pp says so he can just be an interesting stranger at first and see how it goes.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Good idea girls I am going to Milton Keynes at Christmas (he lives near there) and I said he can travel there and we can all meet up at a soft play area. It's mutal ground and it gives him time to interact with Aidan without it being too heavy x

 

[hayz_baby]

Good idea girls I am going to Milton Keynes at Christmas (he lives near there) and I said he can travel there and we can all meet up at a soft play area. It's mutal ground and it gives him time to interact with Aidan without it being too heavy x

Sorry about ot but I'm from mk r u near?

 

[Jade--x]

I agree with the other ladies I wouldn't try explaining to him who he is yet. He can't just walk back into his life and expect to be called Daddy. He might be his father by blood but the title Dad is earned and he hasn't done that yet. He needs to prove he's here to stay before confusing and upsetting Aiden trying to explain something he's probably not going to understand :/ x

 

[Ceejay123]

I agree.. Make him prove he's going to be around for good. You never know if he'll get bored once the novelty wears off. X

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Good idea girls I am going to Milton Keynes at Christmas (he lives near there) and I said he can travel there and we can all meet up at a soft play area. It's mutal ground and it gives him time to interact with Aidan without it being too heavy x

Sorry about ot but I'm from mk r u near?

No I grew up in MK then moved away when I was 11 but I still have family down there. So we go down 3-4 times a year x

 

[amjon]

Could he just see him as a family friend with you? Then he wouldn't be confused/ conflicted about having 2 dads. He would still be able to see him, just not tell him he's his dad. If he left again it wouldn't be a big deal. That's what we planned to do with my daughter.