almost 4 year old and going through a major disobedient stage..

[Alexas Mommy]

Hi everyone, my daughter will be 4 next month and she is going through an awful stage that I am not sure how to control- she says no and stubbornly refuses to do most of the things I ask of her, or takes her good old time. This started about a month and a half ago when she started going to her dads overnight once a week... I put her in time out in her room, started a sticker chart, got her a piggy bank for the money I give her when she is good... but it is super rough on me that she doesnt seem too phazed by not getting a sticker or losing money... Any ideas of what I can do?? I am desperate
Thanks

 

[Flower City]

Hi. DD did this. She was so bad when I was pregnant with DS! Now she hits DS and refuses to eat her dinner. I am not giving her money yet, but what started working you taking away toys! Hope that help!

 

[cheshire]

Sometimes just punishment isn't enough to learn or choose better behaviour.

After time outs, or when you are talking to her about what she has done, give her some power to choose to be good.

I always ask 'What happened?' for them to tell me what they did wrong. Putting into their own words is a good way for them to face up to what happened. I try to give another option. For example 'Instead of screaming and hitting your brother you could have come and told me what was happening, or asked him politly to stop, so next time it happens what will YOU do so you don't end up in time out again?'.

Reflection and facing up to behaviour can be a powerful tool for changing behaviour.

Also when you say she is taking her time, is she doing this because she knows it annoys you, or is she doing it because she is little? I know sometimes, I expect things done 'right now' because I am in a hurry or I need it done so I can get on with other things. I sometimes have to step back and question myself, am I being fair? Does it matter if it takes a little longer? If she is just plain ignoring you then I would suggest you explain why that upsets you. My children will really make an effort if they understand why things make me mad, or upset and not just that I am shouting and getting mad becuase I am me

 

[isil]

What does she say about going to her Dads? And are you both on the same page discipline and routine wise?

My son has been going to stay at his Dad's for about 2 years now every weekend. He did go through a stage of being quite grumpy after he got back... We just made sure we were both on the same page with everything and it seemed to help.

 

[Alexas Mommy]

What does she say about going to her Dads? And are you both on the same page discipline and routine wise?

My son has been going to stay at his Dad's for about 2 years now every weekend. He did go through a stage of being quite grumpy after he got back... We just made sure we were both on the same page with everything and it seemed to help.

I think we are on the same page for the most part... he probably gets more cranky with her though.
She was good yesterday, and settled into bed easily last night, so I am hoping it continues today as well

 

[ilove3baby]

My DD has been doing this alot latley also...maybe it's from the pregnancy.....But i know when she use to go to her Dads house for the weekends she would come back with a horrible attitude

 

[CafeRed]

You are certainly not alone. I remember the toddler stage like it were yesterday. And I'm happy to say that I still have hair on my head - I thought I would have pulled it all out by now. I think every child is different in the way they respond to direction and discipline. During my time at Focus on the Family, I heard of a book called Creative Correction that has ideas that have worked for many moms and dads. You might want to check it out. In the meantime, hang in there. The toddler years are precious and few.