Already Regretting What Hasn't Happened Yet

[Dillpickles]

My husband and I are newlyweds, we got married on October 5, 2013! We are not particularly TRYING to conceive but have discussed it and if it happens, it happens... Actually we would be ecstatic!

Here's why my thread title is what it is:

I've talked to my mother about the fact that I'm not on bc and not using any pregnancy prevention in the bedroom since the wedding. She was excited at the thought that she could be a grandmother soon. The only thing I'm scared about is the fact that right now I work part-time and my husband is the main provider for us. My husband and I both have bachelors degrees (I just finished my B.B.A last month after getting my cosmetology license in 2012). And if we added a pregnancy into the situation, I fear that no employer will hire a pregnant woman, or it will be hard for me to switch jobs during pregnancy. (I'm in the transition of searching for a full-time job). My fear that we will struggle with finances.

I am also terrified that "it's too soon" for my in-laws. They are significantly younger than my parents (My parents had me at age 18. I'm 25) and my worst fear is that they will secretly resent me for getting pregnant so quickly during our first year as a married couple- even though we've been together for almost 5 years. I'm scared that they will think we will be struggling since we aren't moving to our house until July (were renting a condo currently). I fear this because my husbands cousin got his girlfriend pregnant out of wedlock and it was such a dramatic event for the family.

Many scenarios are playing out through my head- if I got pregnant, I'm picturing the different reactions and questions from parents, brothers, sisters, etc.

I guess I am just wondering, is there truly a "right" time to conceive, because in all honesty, I WANT to be pregnant and my husband loves the thought of being a father. WE are willing to make it work if it happened.

Should I worry about what family and other loved ones will think/say?

[Part of this post has been edited by admin - Please refer to the forum rules]

Any ideas or comments would help me out.

 

[newlywed2013]

I'm in a similar situation, though we are fairly settled, but still renting and waiting on hubby to graduate and get his job. I feel like people dont think we are ready, but we have discussed it and decided we are! It is your decision, not everyone elses, and people will think what they want to think, dont worry about it! Do what you think is best for the two of you!

 

[myangel167]

im in the same boat. I will be 25 next month and my husband is almost 27. we have been together nearly 6 years. Lived together for 3 years, and been married 7 months. We aren't exactly 100% financially "stable" BUT we aren't dependent on anyone either. (basically-we pay all our own bills and live decently but don't always have a whole lot of $$ left over) We are ntnp. We have discussed how it will be if I were to get pregnant. we agree that no matter what we would make it work and although probably be a little nervous at first-our love and happiness over our baby would make everything perfect.

but--we know that his mom, & possibly my brother may not be 100% excited. (Im sure everyone else in our families would be)

but really all that means is that we might be nervous to tell them the news right away. because we know that after maybe a month or so-once it sets in, and especially once they see and hold our baby they will fall in love and be so excited!

I really doubt your in-laws will resent you. YOU will be the MOTHER of their grandchild!! As soon as they fall in love with that little face everything will be okay.

 

[Dillpickles]

Thanks. I just don't want my in-laws thinking my husband is going to have me "rely" on him. We are self sufficient- we paid for our whole wedding, make rent and other bills monthly, and don't ask for help or need it at this point. The job transitioning for me is what's really worrying me. I honestly don't want to start a new job, full-time, during the pregnancy. I don't know!!!

 

[Dillpickles]

Yes, I'm the one who just graduated and hubby's waiting for me to "launch" my career. If I get pregnant, that won't happen! Lol. I'm stuck!

 

[Dillpickles]

Also- have you heard a lot of women say "you will never be 100% financially or mentally ready for a child, just let it happen"? I have been getting a lot of this from friends who have kids and it just makes me wonder...

 

[BeachyFeelin]

When it comes to NTNP I firmly believe the saying "if you wait until you are ready you'll be waiting for the rest of your life."

If you have both discussed this and have decided together that this is something you both want and you can and will figure it out. Then I say outside opinions are moot.

This is your life and your family. Do what you want, and who cares about the rest.

 

[myangel167]

you seem so thoughtful and caring, worrying what his family will think. They must love you! They really are lucky to have you! Don't worry! and honestly...if they ever did think that you rely on their son too much-then that's on them. Their son MARRIED you! its his job to take care of you!

I too believe that you can never be 100% ready. I have an aunt & uncle who make about half a million dollars a year & live in a wealthy area in the bay area here in California. They have 3 children, they hAD their first at age 29, and their 3rd at age 36. They both had college degrees, a little bit of savings, a house, and careers before they got pregnant. My aunt told me that even she was nervous that they weren't ready and that they didn't have enough $$. So I think that this is something every RESPONSIBLE new parent worries about.

 

[Abii]

I also second that statement because we felt the same way before we had our dd, worrying about how we would be able to pay for our house and bills and still be able to buy the things she needs but we made it work and now were ntnp for #2 so just go with what your heart tells you. You sound like your ready and if you feel ready just go for it
My in-laws were not happy at all when we announced our pregnancy but after about a month my dh's mom was very supportive, his dad a brother took awhile to come around but the support from his mom made me feel better.
There will always be a negative nancy trying to rain on your parade you just gotta prove them wrong and dance in the rain
Goodluck hun and sorry for such long response, I tend to ramble on sometimes