always feeling down...

[VirginiaGirl9]

I want a baby more than anything. But it seems like the harder try to have you, the further the i become from having one. Sometimes I don’t feel normal. How it is it that I can’t do the one thing women were put here to do.. I see all my friends getting pregnant, and I cannot help but to wonder why not me. What have I ever done to deserve this? Why am I so undeserving of a child. Every month I face the disappointment of a bpn. I have gotten to the point that I cannot stand to see another opk. It’s just a reminder that another month has went by and I am still not pregnant. Is it because I can’t afford ivf and other expensive fertility treatments that I do not deserve to be pregnant. I see girls having 3 kids within 2 years. Yet I can’t even have one kid. I feel pathetic. I cannot stand when I hear people say “lighten up it will happen”. I just want to scream at them, because it feel their being insensitive. What if someone deprived them of something they desperately needed? How could one lighten up when they feel like they have been cheated? It’s hard not to let this get you when you feel like your friends constantly rubbing their baby news in your face. I want scream at them and say, “STOP TELLING ME ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY”. It is so awful to me jealous of someone during one of their happiest moments in their life. But I cannot help but feel this way. I even get jealous of actors faking their pregnancy on TV shows. My DH acts supportive, but even though he doesn’t say so but I know deep down inside he blames me. He already has a child so we know it not him. He say even if we never have kids he will still be here. I see how good he is with kids. Why do I feel like im cheating him? Sometimes I feel like he deserves a women who can give him a family. I feel so hurt at times. It has almost been a year, and I feel like I have to come to terms with the fact that I may never have kids. I may have to get use to this heartbreak.

 

[Wtbam]

Oh sweety. Have you done fertility tests?

I have a friend who tried for 10 years and eventually gave up, after having a breakdown about the fact she couldn't conceive. Four weeks after giving up and buying a cat - she found out she was pregnant.

 

[VirginiaGirl9]

Oh sweety. Have you done fertility tests?

I have a friend who tried for 10 years and eventually gave up, after having a breakdown about the fact she couldn't conceive. Four weeks after giving up and buying a cat - she found out she was pregnant.

My city only has one fertilty center which has a year waiting list. Its like I have every wall in front of me. My ogyn put me on vitex, rashberry leaf tea, and vitamin d. I know those are suppose to be natural drugs, but they make me weak. I been taking them since october and still nothing.

 

[VirginiaGirl9]

TTC has taken so much out of me mentally and physically.

 

[Wtbam]

I think you can buy 'home' fertility kits on the internet. I am based in the UK - so not sure about whether you can in your location! This is probably a silly question but have you been temping/OPK'ing to track your cycle?

I am just at the start of my journey but I have PCOS so I am trying to track my cycle and see if everything is working properly. And it doesn't seem to be just yet!!!

 

[VirginiaGirl9]

I think you can buy 'home' fertility kits on the internet. I am based in the UK - so not sure about whether you can in your location! This is probably a silly question but have you been temping/OPK'ing to track your cycle?

I am just at the start of my journey but I have PCOS so I am trying to track my cycle and see if everything is working properly. And it doesn't seem to be just yet!!!

yes i have been using opks. I feel like i can run over them with a car lol. I never heard about online fertility test here in the us. I am feeling much better after reading post on here. I have never been around someone who had to deal with fertility. Its something people in my family do not share because people automatically look at you different.

 

[VirginiaGirl9]

We have a old highschool friend who is expecting. Neither him or his girlfriend have one source of income. He goes in and out of jail all the time. He does anything to make money like faking disabilties to recieve checks. He calls us almost everyday bragging about his baby and how social services will help them. Im saying in my head omg your going to milk the government dry. We are trying to do things the right way and we cant even succeed

 

[Wtbam]

The thing I've realised (and I haven't been trying long) is that you have to let go of everyone elses situation. YOUR situation is the one that is important.

Have you been charting? I find www.fertilityfriend.com REALLY useful!

Hugs xx

 

[VirginiaGirl9]

The thing I've realised (and I haven't been trying long) is that you have to let go of everyone elses situation. YOUR situation is the one that is important.

Have you been charting? I find www.fertilityfriend.com REALLY useful!

Hugs xx

That easier for you to say. When is first started ttc i felt the same way, but as more and more bfns and months go by you will become bother by everyones pregnancies. Its horrible to admit but its true. Especially when you know you have tried everything. Your a working class citizen and you know expensive fertilty treatments are out of the question.

 

[Wtbam]

I'm sorry. I know I am not on the same journey as you and I can't even begin to imagine how you feel. I hope you can find the strength to keep holding your head high.

Luckily for me, in the UK, fertility treatments (IVF etc) are free of charge for a lot of people as we have the national health service.

 

[VirginiaGirl9]

I'm sorry. I know I am not on the same journey as you and I can't even begin to imagine how you feel. I hope you can find the strength to keep holding your head high.

Luckily for me, in the UK, fertility treatments (IVF etc) are free of charge for a lot of people as we have the national health service.

im moving there lol... I Hope you conceive soon. I wouldn't wish this on any one. This experience violates you in so many ways. Sex ed made getting pregnant seem easy.