Am I being mean not letting DH feed baby?

[Kanichen34]

Imogen has a stinking cold and despite feeding fine overnight has been refusing to feed today, taking a few sucks then crying. In desperation I sterilised a bottle. By the time it was sterilised she had fallen asleep and I've since managed to get her to feed off me whilst half asleep.

However, DH said a tiny part of him hoped she wouldn't feed off me but would take the bottle so that he could feed her. He's always said he wants to feed her, but he knows how important breastfeeding is to me and doesn't push it.

Personally I hate seeing babies with bottles, it just doesn't look right. Not a critiscm as everyone does what's right for them and as long as baby is getting fed that's what matters it's just visually I don't like it. Also we battled really hard to breast feed - I went to several clinics as she was refusing to latch and I got engorged etc and in the end a maternity nurse spent 2 hours with us, massaging my breasts for me as Imogen fed etc and that got us going.

With all that I had hoped my baby would never have a bottle. But I was prepared to try it today if needed to get milk in her.

But DH's comment got me thinking. Am I being unfair? Why does what I want feeding wise count more than what he wants? Should I introduce a bottle for his sake? I know all the arguments that it means we could go out for the evening etc but I really don't care about that, it's one year out of my baby girls life and I am prepared to give her that. I am also terrified that she'll prefer the bottle, all my hard work to get here will be undone and I'll end up exclusively pumping. She's 11 weeks old today.

Thanks for reading, any thoughts or advice welcome!

 

[Kelskiii]

I don't think you are, its what are bodies are there to do.

My MIL keeps making comments, it would be nice if DH could feed too ... Well no he does majority of nappies, gets dd dressed morning & night, washes dd & talks/plays with her when she wakes.

So really there is more DH can do than just feed.

 

[w8ing4bean]

No you're not being mean at all. Tricky situation, i know its important to daddies as well. Is there something he could do with baby thats just their time? Maybe he could be in charge of bath time, or the final cuddle before bed?

 

[fieryphoenix]

No, your not being unfair, your oh just needs to suck it up. He can start helping with the feeding when you start weaning. Plus, your lo may not even take a bottle at this point

 

[Here_we_go]

I never had that issue. My husband isn't a baby person so I know if I had stopped breastfeeding, I would be stuck sterilizing, mixing, feeding and then again cleaning those darn bottles. When I returned to work after having son, I had to give up breastfeeding (long hours, no way to pump at work, plus he began to prefer bottles to me )

This time around since I knew I was going to have to have surgery, I knew I would have to make sure she'd accept a bottle but still nurse from me. I researched thoroughly and decided to go with Playtex Drop-ins. They have a slow flow (most of the time you can turn bottle upside down and it won't stream out like some of the others out there. Wish I'd known this with son ) , the bag collapses while the baby nurses so less troubles with gas.

I would pump (highly recommend Lansinoh manual pump) first thing in the morning on one side only ( DD's least fav side) and when she would wake up, I'd feed her from her favorite side. I was able to build up a stash this way because daily use of the pump made my body respond to it better plus I learned several techniques to encourage letdown and to get more out (compression, thinking baby thoughts, visualization of milk flowing, routine, stopping to massage then restart pumping).

It took a while before she would accept a bottle. I tried every evening at the same time. She's cry, fuss and complain but finally got where she'd take an oz or 2 and then from there she finally would take 3oz before going to sleep. Persistance pays off. Even if baby refuses the bottle, don't give boob straight away or baby will hold out knowing the boob will be offered eventually. At first my husband did help out but soon I was the one offering the bottle every evening

It is nice to have a stash for just-in-case moments. My daughter flat out refused formula (offered that before I had the pump) so I knew I HAD to buy a pump and begin to stock up on breastmilk.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. He can be a huge help by just offering to change diapers, cuddle, rock, sing to baby when those growth spurts start becoming overwhelming for you

 

[snowfia]

You're not being mean at all.
OH was the same with DD. He was against BF though and just wanted to FF. I suck to my guns and BF. I expressed twice for him to feed her and he got bored! He said it was too much effort for both of us..
With DS in the evenings sometimes I'll feed him, get him to sleep then OH will lie in bed with him and have skin to skin. DS sleeps for ages, OH loves it and I get a chance to sit and have a cup of tea! We all love it It's a great way for them to bond though without feeding him.

 

[Kanichen34]

Thanks ladies, glad to know people don't think I am being mean. We go to water babies and that's his thing to do with her, and I try to get him to do bath time but in contrast feeding is the only thing just I get to do. And you are right in a few months it'll be weaning time so he can help out then