Am I being over-sensitive?

[sarahkitty]

Hello everyone,

I am going through a MMC right now and feel that some people are so insensitive.

Bit of background - I got cramping pains and a small amount of brown discharge at 9+2 so went to the doctor who sent me straight off for a U/S at the local hospital. They discovered that they could only find the yolk sac and that it measured only 4 weeks. They couldn't confirm it was a miscarriage until they had seen that wouldn't be any more development so booked me in for another scan 10 days later. However, they did say that because of my dates, there wasn't a lot of hope and that any development would be extremely unlikely so not to get my hopes up. They also said that within the 10 days I would more than likely pass the sac, etc naturally.
The scan is today and I have been going through hell for the last 10 days. (No sac yet).

Firstly, I tried to go back to work after the first scan, but found it too difficult to concentrate and my boss made a really insensitive comment, so I got signed off by the doctor for 10 days.

My boss said in response to me telling him that I might have to leave work when the miscarriage occurred that " It can't be that big, so I'm sure there won't be that much blood" in a really impatient tone.

After that I have been off work and I'm now dreading going back to due to his attitude that I'm making a bit of a fuss.

My MIL also seems to be quite insensitive about my MMC too. DH went to their house to tell them the news leaving me at home because he said I would find it really hard. Then until we saw them again about a week later I had no word from them (we see them all the time and I would say that we have a close relationship). When we did see them she asked me how I was but then launched into how stressed she was because her school (she's a teacher) had just had an inspection, saying to me "we both seem to have had a stressful week don't we?" as though it was the same thing.

She also said "I'm so sorry about what happened but we were so glad to hear you were pregnant, we thought we were going to be the oldest grandparents in the world!" I didn't know what to say to that, no pressure for the future then! And now I have this feeling that I've let her down in some way because I failed to give her a grandchild this time.

Am I being a bit over sensitive about these comments from people. I don't know whether they are right and in the grand scheme of things I'm over reacting, but to me I am grieving and struggling to keep it together. I never knew the meaning of the word "heart-broken" until now. It hurts deep inside me and I think people just don't know what you lose and how you feel when you experience a miscarriage of any kind.

Sorry this is so long, couldn't stop once I got going!
My heart goes out to all you ladies who have gone through or are going through this horrid experience. Love and Hugs. xxxxx

 

[bfpsoon]

Ohh Hon, you are not being overly sensitive at all. Miscarriage is such a Taboo subject, you get some people that won't even acknowledge it and tend not to say anything ( Like our baby didn't even exist) then you get some insensitive people that brush over it like it was nothing.

We are grieving for our Loss and it would be nice that our little Angels got some recognition. They were conceived and were a living being up until they passed.

I have a DH that has been unsupportive, others that just say ' it's ok you can try again' No one seems to know what to say for fear of upsetting me.
But I don't know about you, but it helps me to talk about it.

I'm so very sorry for your Loss, Biggest Hugs to you at this sad time

 

[sarahkitty]

I feel the same, just for someone to say "this must be so hard for you" or "I'm so sorry you lost your baby" makes all the difference.

I'm so sorry to hear that your DH is not supportive, that must be incredibly hard and you must be so strong to go through this without his help.

If you need to talk, I'm here any time.

BIG HUGS

 

[bfpsoon]

Thanks Hon

Only my best friend has been of great support to me, at least she asks how I am and gives me appropriate sympathy. Family just say ' your still young you can try again'

As for your Boss, he's an A$$hole!! If he had nothing positive or nice to say he should of kept his mouth shut.

I'm also here if you want to talk, sometimes its easier to talk to someone else that isn't family/friends, who have been through this themselves

 

[sarahkitty]

Absolutely, that's why I'm glued to this forum!

Take care of yourself, hun and I'm so sorry for your loss. Glad that your best friend is there for you and that you're not going through this alone.

Keep in touch x x x x

 

[lauren10]

I think you know the people who mean well, but say stupid things...and the people who are just insensitive pricks. Some of my friends and family have said stupid things, but I know they didn't mean to hurt me, they just don't think before they speak. They feel they need to say something, but they don't say exactly what we want to hear. Like my friend referring to my miscarriage as a "bummer". Bummer? Really? What if I had said "bummer" about her father-in-law just passing away. I would never do that.

My husband was away while I miscarried, and his mom came to stay with me for a few days to help out. I told her how I took a pregnancy test to see if the line was getting lighter to indicate my HCG dropping (and it was still pretty dark)...and she said "well, you know you're not pregnant!" I just said in a sad voice, "I know, that wasn't why I took it." And she knew that. She was just trying to make a joke or something that was horribly insensitive...but I know how kind and caring she is, she just had a stupid moment. I would have been better had she apologized for it...but oh well!

You're totally justified in being upset. But I guess just ask yourself if the person has a good heart, and if they do, just let it go...or talk to them about their comments.

As for your boss, I'd report him to human resources for that! he can't say things like that.

 

[sarahkitty]

Hi Lauren10,

Thanks for your reply, I know you're right and it's hard for other people too, it's an awkward situation for them to be in, I think that I probably expect (unreasonably) for people to know exactly how I'm feeling and know exactly what to say so it shocks me when they say just what you don't want to hear , or something you don't expect.

I know my MIL is a lovely person, she's just so desperate to be a grandmother. I think I felt quite annoyed that before I even got pregnant she would always make lots of not-so-subtle hints about when we were going to have children and how old I'm getting (I'm 33). Now I feel like she's frustrated that this pregnancy didn't go to plan and sees that more than how devastated I am.

As for my boss, he is the owner of the company and there is no human resourses dept. so unfortunately I can't report him, (how wonderful if I could!!!) but I am looking for another job so that I don't have to put up with any other c**p during my next pregnancy.

I'm so sorry for your loss too, and that you had to go through it without your DH being there, it must have been incredibly hard for you.

Lots of love and hugs x x x

P.S. Your daughter Eloise is beautiful!