Am I being selfish?

[Pielette]

Need some thoughts and advice from you lovely ladies.

I am nearly at my goal of 6 months ebf. I'm delighted because it meant an awful lot to me to get it right this time (my eldest was ff). I know I really don't want to stop at 6 months either. That's in about a week and I couldn't bear the thought of no longer breastfeeding him.

Thing is, my mum kind of implied yesterday that I was being a little selfish for continuing. Milo isn't a great sleeper at night. At the moment he's up every two hours. I am exhausted of course, but not enough to consider changing to ff. I don't see what difference it would make. He's smack bang in the middle of wonder week 26 and teething which I think is making him wake for feeds more. Just trying to ride it out.

But naturally therefore he's disturbing my toddler from time to time and my DH. My DH is brilliant. He has asked about bottle feeding but only because he hates kicking me out of bed if he hears Milo first. He'd like to be able to help. But he respects my choices.

My mum thinks I'm not thinking of the whole family.

I would disagree with her, but I know my wanting to continue comes from my emotional attachment to it as much as Milo's. He's thriving and I love that it's because of my milk. She said why not just try a bottle of formula to see if he'd go longer, and honestly the thought brings me to tears. I have nothing against formula at all. My eldest is a healthy, happy boy. But for some reason I can't bear the thought of Milo even having one feed not from me. Is that normal? And am I being selfish?

 

[NoodleSnack]

First of all, I don't think being selfish is such a bad thing. Logically, if you are just acting in terms of your own gains, then that's selfish, but if you don't think it's affecting your husband and toddler that much, I don't see why you shouldn't be. If it is affecting them, then are there ways you can make it better for them while accommodating your wish to continue bf? While you want to meet the needs of you husband and toddler, you also have to consider what you want, and I think wanting to bf your own baby is quite a natural thing.

What your mum thinks is besides the point, she's not affected in anyway, so she has no say in this.

 

[Perplexed]

I don't find it selfish at all. Often baby is just as attached as mommy (emotionally, that is) to bf. And a bottle of formula doesn't mean he will sleep through the night. My aunt bf her lo and was told to give her a bottle of formula at night to help her settle and sleep longer; however it didn't work that way at all. Her lo would drink a tiny bit from one bottle then sleep for an hour, wake up again and drink a tiny bit from a new bottle and then sleep for another hour. So formula did not help at all.

Besides that, if your ds' waking doesn't bother you or your family and you feel you want to continue to bf then by all means go ahead.

 

[monkee12]

I breast fed for 18 months with my first so keep it up if that's what you want Well done for doing 6 months x

 

[Pielette]

Thank you all

Well the disturbances for my toddler are usually in the early hours, so 5-7am. Usually Noah sleeps until 7am but Milo does wake him up between those hours. Plus Noah is dropping his daytime nap, he's usually ok but over the days building up with early starts thanks to his little brother he gets very very tired. But logically he was always going to be disturbed, right?! He has a tiny sibling in the house now!

That's the thing Perplexed, formula may not do anything, it may even upset his tummy for all I know. I am pretty sure we've just hit a growth spurt as well because he's fed constantly today and last night, so maybe once we've come through it it'll be easier.

I think it's so important to me because it's ours, and once it's gone that's it. Milo doesn't have my 100% attention like Noah had, so this is even more special.

 

[Dragonfly]

how can giving your baby the best food be selfish? surely its selfless when many just switch.

 

[cat_reversing]

do what you think is best for you, baby and your family. Bf isn't just nutrition, it's bonding time with mummy and if it works for you, why change it.
It might disturb toddler a bit in the morning but it won't be forever.
I think stopping when lo clearly likes it and gets something from it is selfish!

 

[Here_we_go]

If you and baby are both happy breastfeeding, I would continue. The 6 month mark hit us particularly hard not only from the growth spurt but also 4 teeth all coming in at the same time It. was. AWFUL!!!

I breastfed my son until he was about 4 months old and then had to switch to formula fulltime because I was working, no way to pump and he began to prefer the bottle to me (made me want to BURN all bottles!! ) Formula did NOT make him sleep through the night. Neither did solids once we started feeding that to him.

Babies sleep through the night when THEY are ready for it and not when WE want them to regardless of what they're fed.

EDIT: Btw, when we DID switch son over to formula, we had a time trying to find one that settled on his tummy well. The third formula FINALLY agreed with him (no colic, crying, fussy, gassy, miserable baby....or parents ) Breastmilk is SOOO much better and easier on their tummies

I don't think you're being selfish at all. For me, it's just more practical to whip a boob out and feed than it is to sterilize, mix, and warm bottles just to have to rewash the darn things after the baby is done eating. We went on a trip a few weeks ago, wound up lost and was so grateful that I breastfeed. I mean, what would I have done???? Gone to the bathroom to wash out bottles? Bought filtered water? Bought more formula because I would not have had enough?? I didn't do any of that. I DID buy a banana and some yogurt. I split that with DD and she nursed. Simple as that.

I can't imagine anyone saying formula feeding is easier than breastfeeding
Hubby can help out in other ways: changing diaper, clothes, helping clean house, rocking, talking, playing with baby, etc. There's more to a baby than just feeding

Also, congrats on making it so far

 

[zorak]

Formula probably won't help every baby goes through these phases.

I EBF until 14 weeks when we started introducing formula in preparation for me going back to work (I can't pump). To do this I've had him on exclusive formula feeds for the past three weeks or so. He still wakes during the night in his usual pattern. My aim is to combi feed, I am working on regulating my supply enough for this. I am slowly reintroducing a morning and night feed.

Basically I am saying that no matter what type of milk it should not make a difference.

 

[ttc bubby no2]

He sounds like a normal 6 month old to me. Some might sleep longer even when EBF but a lot don't. I can't remember exactly how often mine woke at that age but I know it was frequently. I find it a really odd concept to suggest that you are selfish for wanting to feed your baby with its natural food and made the extra sacrifice to your sleep. Surely it would be more selfish to deny your baby your milk simply so you might be able to sleep more?

It is a bit like when I had an aunt tell me my 2nd should be sleeping all night when he was about 8 months old. Well he wasn't and it didn't bother me as I knew it was normal and I was happy knowing he had me at night if he needed me. Since she wasn't affected in anyway (like your mum) then it had nothing to do with her!

 

[RaspberryK]

My ds doesn't sleep through now... He did more hours when he was younger than he ever does now and I wish I still bf so I could get him back to sleep easier.
If he's waking for milk it means he needs it, if wanting comfort then that's the same.
You're not selfish at all, toddlers are resilient and if he was tired he would nap.
Dh is your partner, with whom you chose to have a second baby with, I'm presuming he knew what he was letting himself in for. This is not the 50's where women are expected to stop the baby waking their husband.
If you think it would help maybe you could express before bed and your dh could do the early am feed? Or maybe you could try dream feeding before you turn in either with ebm or boob.
Xx

 

[Pielette]

Thank you ladies! It really helps to talk to women with the same mindset.

I also talked to my SIL about it all yesterday and she basically said stuff anyone who thinks badly of you for BFing (in a nice way ). She breastfed for 16 months and 20 months respectively so she fully understands where I'm coming from.

DH is really good, although he balks at the idea of a year, I think because he thinks it's still going to be bad overnight until then. I said it may not be, let's just take it as it comes.

Plus last night Milo only had one night feed which was great. Unfortunately he was still up for 2 hours thanks to wonder week 26 but hey ho!

 

[RaspberryK]

I like your SiL xx