Am i being Selfish

[pinkgem100]

Hi, for those of you who dont know my story, i fell pregnant in July 08 (not planned) i had quite a bad pregnancy, morning sickness etc, in october i got kidney infection, in November (18 weeks pregnent) i caught a sickness bug and was amitted to hospital for 3 days, had a scan whilst in hospital and all was fine, baby progressing well etc. I went for my 20 week scan on the 1st dec and found out that the babys heart had stopped beating. 3rd Dec was back in hospital to deliver what turned out to be my little boy Harry, he had not grown much from the 18 week scan so they think it happened between 18 and 19 weeks pregnant. Obviously it has been a very hard time but luckly i have had a lot of support from my partner, family and partners family.

However, this weekend i was talking to my sister and her boyfriend, who are getting married in August, about going on Holiday and that we wernt sure where to go as we are not planning on getting pregnant just going to see what happens (i am not going back on the pill and if it happens it happens). My sister that mentioned that with her going to Mexico on her hunnymoon that she has asked the nurse that if she came of the pill and got pregnant would she be able to take milaria tablets, the answer was no. so this means that she would want to be pregnant for her wedding... all i could think was that she has her wedding this year at least let me have that first grandchild (that survives) but that night all i was thinking about was if she was to be pregnant and catch milara and something happened to the baby she would put us all back through what i have just been through, i spoke to my mum & dad about how much this has upset me and they have spoken to her and convinced her to stay on the pill until she is back of her hunnymoon but i now think that she will think that i am being selfish..

 

[Omi]

I dont hink you're being selfish, hun! You've gone through and are still going through a rough time. Greiving and bereavement is not the same as selfishness and its only natural for you to feel this way.

May i also add, who in there right mind would want to be pg at their wedding- surely you'd prefer to have a grand time, with loads of drinkies and fun on the honeymoon, no? I might be a bit harsh, but i think you've done her a favour! This way she gets to enjoy the wedding and honeymoon and can start ttc when she comes back.

So sorry for your loss, hun!

, Omi xxx

 

[pinkgem100]

Thanks Omi, in my head i know i am not being selfish but i cant help and sometimes think that i am, me and my family have been through enough stress and upset and my sister is excited about her wedding and then starting a family but at this moment in time i dont want to her that she is looking forward to having children as i have lost mine and we are still waiting to bury him. I wouldnt wish what i went through on anyone but wish it wasnt me..

 

[susan_1981]

I don't think you are being selfish and miscarriages bring all kinds of emotions out anyway. I think that if your sister is going to Mexico and she is going to take the malaria tablets, then she will need to put her baby making on hold. Me and my husband decided last xmas (2007) that we were going to try in August 2007 because we had a holiday booked for then and I didn't want to go away pregnant and nor did I want to get pregnant while I was on holiday getting drunk every night and smoking - not really giving my baby the best chance of survival if I'm out getting smashed each night (not that I had a successful pregnancy anyway).

My sister went to Mexico and took the malaria tablets but they had such a bad effect on her that she couldn't take them any more (she wasn't pregnant at the time). But I think if your sister is desperate for a baby, then maybe it is best that she doesn't take malaria tablets. I'm not sure of the risk out there but when I went to Dom Rep, they said that, unless you are going trekking in the hills/mountains and in remote parts, it's very unlikely that you would catch malaria but, just before we went, there was an outbreak out there so we had to take the tablets which made me suffer from insomnia!!!

Anyway, sorry for rambling on. I hope that your sister does come to her senses and everything works itself out xxx

 

[Meli]

hi, I am very sorry for your loss. You are not selfish, you are hurting.

I have to take malaria pills (Malarone) when I travel to Africa for work, and the nurses always make sure I am not pregnant and not trying to become pregnant before they give me the tablets, bc it has not been proven to be safe during pregnancy. Your sister should not plan to get pregnant if she wants to take malaria pills.

 

[pinkgem100]

thank you everyone for you comments, i have spoken to my sister properly last night, had a good heart to heart and told her everything and made her realise that if she was pregnant and something happened to the baby then she would have to go through everything that i have been through and that there was something that she could have done to prevent it, not try to get pregnant till after her honeymoon. She hopefully has come to her sences and is going to ttc after he wedding and honeymoon.

xx

 

[haaza123]

No your not being selfish. Its good that you and your sister had a chat, at least you were able to express your feelings.

 

[Widger]

Sorry about your loss. I don't think you are being selfish at all. It is natural to feel this way. Even if she does think you are being selfish, unless you have been through the pain of a miscarriage, you don't understand what it is like to deal with.

I hope you are able to bury your baby soon and make sure you take time to grieve over this.

 

[pinkgem100]

I had a phone call yesterday and it looks like the funeral is going to be next week, this might sound odd, but i am looking forward to it as i will then have a special place to visit and i think at this moment in time that is what i need.

Thank you everyone.

 

[Drazic<3]

Im so sorry for your loss.
I dont think your selfish at all