Am I being unreasonable? Friend issue!

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by leigh5tom, Nov 13, 2011.

  1. leigh5tom

    leigh5tom Mum to two :)

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    My friend has been telling me throughout my pregnancy that she is going to buy us a present for the baby, but has 'forgotten to bring it' or 'left it at her mums' or 'just needs to wrap it'. Then she told me yesterday she's going to give it to me for my Xmas present! Am I being unreasonable, that I'm actually feeling a bit hurt by that? She also told me not to buy her much for Christmas because she's only spending £10. I have already bought her present and it cost £30. Im a bit upset that shes told me throughout she's got a present for baby, but now its suddenly my Christmas present. She's always been a bit tight with money, and it's not as if she has any outgoings! She lives with her parents still and often tells me how she has thousands saved :shrug: rant over lol! xxxx
     
  2. flippityflop

    flippityflop Well-Known Member

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    It's a bit off of your friend to have said all along that she was getting you a pressie for the baby but now its your Christmas present, but unfortunately there is nothing you can say to her that won't make you sound petty or greedy!

    I think I'd feel a bit hurt by it, especially if I'd gone and spent £30 on her but you'll just have to bite your tongue and remember its the thought that counts and giving is better than receiving yadda yadda yadda. Also, next year don't be so generous! xx
     
  3. JackiePed

    JackiePed Guest

    Eh... whenever it comes to gifts, I feel like we just need to graciously accept what we get, regardless. There's simply no tactful way to ever bring up to someone that you're unhappy with how they're handling giving you a gift.
    My mother has told me every year since around 18 years old, "I have _______ for you... I just have to finish it....) for my 18th bday it was a quilt I never saw. It was supposedly finished, she just needed to put the backing on but wanted my choice of colors. I am 29 and have never seen that quilt. Most years, my present has been 'lost in the mail', etc.... it's always something weird.

    I really want to say, "Mom... just stop saying you have something. If you don't, that's fine with me, I promise." But.... whatever. How people choose to give gifts is really about them, not about you. So I wouldn't hold on to it.
     
  4. FM_DJ

    FM_DJ Expecting baby #2!

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    I agree- no tactful way to address the issue, but it would bug me, too.
     
  5. Sealgirl

    Sealgirl Well-Known Member

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    Is your friend my big sister? Exact same situation!!!!

    I think it is perfectly reasonable that you are offended by this, because I am and why should you not be. Its just whether you actually say something or not.

    I wouldn't personally, I would be gracious and accept whatever you get. But never forget, because when it comes to her time, she will be treated as she has treated others.

    My sister has done nothing, but complain about how me having a baby is too expensive for her, so she's combining my baby gift with my xmas present (a baby bouncer) but has asked for a £35 gift for each of her children from me! Btw this is only her second niece/nephew.

    I have 6 nieces/nephews plus a baby on the way (HELLO!) and always buy amazing expensive gifts. So this year, I just told her no, sorry, your kids are not getting the gifts you have asked for, they will get what I can afford. Some people have a bloody cheek!

    Keep it noted! xxx
     
  6. leigh5tom

    leigh5tom Mum to two :)

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    Yeah it's really annoying, we've been friends years and she's always been saying 'oh I'll bring that present round for you tomorrow' which never happens, and then for her to say to me 'Oh I might aswell just give it to you for your Christmas present now' has annoyed me. She's got a nice cheap Christmas sorted anyway I guess. Baby present and Christmas present in one! I'd never dream of doing that to someone though, I love buying nice presents for people :( xx
     
  7. leigh5tom

    leigh5tom Mum to two :)

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    Could well be the same person haha! I feel offended because I've always bought her nice things, and congratulated her, sent cards and wine when she passed her driving test, exams etc. Makes me wonder why I put in the effort. She works all the hours god sends and always tells me how much she has saved by still living at home , not going on nights out, not buying many clothes etc. Makes me thing shes just trying to save a bit of money for herself! When I have a home to run, baby to prepare for, and me and OH go from pay check to pay check, yet always make sure we buy our friends and family nice gifts :( grrr xxxxx
     
  8. open lotus

    open lotus Well-Known Member

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    you deserve awesome friends that love you dearly xx
     
  9. Sealgirl

    Sealgirl Well-Known Member

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    yeah it kinda sticks in your gut doesn't it?

    You'll have your baby soon though and that will be your priority, and she will come way down the list of important people and frankly why should you bother about her now? No more presents for her, I say! x
     
  10. leigh5tom

    leigh5tom Mum to two :)

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    Yeah, youre right. I hope your sister realises what she's doing to you one day too!! xxx
     
  11. Gemmamuk

    Gemmamuk Well-Known Member

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    I understand that I will get some baby gifts for my Xmas presents, but my mil has told me everything she's bought for me is for baby. So I've bought her a bib with I love grandma on lol
    My oh told me to pick what baby monitors I want and he will get them for me for Xmas. Seeing as I gave bought everything for the baby while he has not bought so much as a vest, I'm sooooo tempted to buy him a breast pump for Xmas in return lmao!!!
     
  12. babydustcass

    babydustcass Well-Known Member

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    id put her present away and save it for someone else lol... she would be getting a £10 gift too for xmas.
    I agree its a tough one to bring up, and I probably wouldnt. But id prove a point that generosity works both ways in a friendship, especially when you are the one to be really put yourself out by buying a well thought about and expensive gift. I think it kinda takes the biscuit and id be upset too
     
  13. bluelilly72

    bluelilly72 Well-Known Member

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    i so know the feeling my bf sister like that she moans if get her something she dont like but we get nothing from her does my head in shes defiantly a taker :)
     
  14. milf2be

    milf2be Guest

    tbh i would take her present back or keep it for yourself :s its not really a situation you can say anything about to her face, just have to grin and bare it. if she lives with her parents, maybe, get her something for the house so its not a present jsut for her and see how she likes it haha x
     
  15. diz

    diz Well-Known Member

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    This type of situation is a bit of a bugbear of mine.

    My auntie was making something for the baby...he is now 2 and we still haven't seen it.

    One of my oldest dearest friends turned up at the house to see the baby (DS1) and just exclaimed, " we haven't gotten you a gift because we know what Matts like with his clothes" meaning my OH enjoys expensive clothing ( not that he buys anything more then twice a year) .... Seriously! How does my OH taste in clothes affect getting a gift for a newborn? what she really ment was we couldn't be bothered to get anything. This was the same friend that didn't even bother giving us a card when we got married and she came to the wedding.

    My sister had something she was going to send down, but here we are 2 years later and still waiting.

    The same people will do the same things again this time round too

    You can't control how others act but you can contol how you respond.

    Never the less it's still shit.
     
  16. leigh5tom

    leigh5tom Mum to two :)

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    milf2be that's a really good idea, maybe I'll get her something which isn't actually meant for her! And I'll return or keep her present for myself xxxx
     
  17. flippityflop

    flippityflop Well-Known Member

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    Get her a smoke alarm! I have no idea why I've thought of that. Just that its a pretty dull present, not personal but at the same time you are showing you care about her and her safety. Or tea towels!
     
  18. leigh5tom

    leigh5tom Mum to two :)

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    Haha :') she has a dog I could get the dog some treats and give it to her ;) xxxx
     
  19. milf2be

    milf2be Guest

    lol thats perfect!!:haha:
     
  20. cinnamum

    cinnamum Mumof_6_PREG W#7

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    i think you should take the gift back to the shop you got it/them from and buy her something worth £10.
    it will make you feel better. xxxxx :hugs: i am sorry that people suck, you tend to find out who your true friends are after you have your first child!
     

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