Am Mum of gorgeous little 4 month old who is really good, not demanding at all and to be honest have joined forum as need to vent to someone.
I've never been so tired in my life, I'm so exhausted I just feel like crying all the time, can't think straight. Beginning to feel v. cross and resentful with Hubby. He's got a v. busy job and know he is tired too but wish he would step up a bit more and I feel like I'm being half unreasonable...
He's been going to work v. early so he can get home before bubs goes to sleep but that's made him so tired when he comes home that, depending on day, he takes bubs for 0.5 - 1 hour from me in the evening to give me a break. Recently he has been v. busy with v. long hours and tried to give him as much of a rest as poss, he moved into spare room for a few nights so he could get some sleep during this big project so from my perspective he got a few full nights sleep, also took bubs home for a weekend to give him a few nights unbroken sleep while he was working the saturday.
It's all coming to a head and yesterday started and ended fantastically - it started when I told H that I was completely exhausted, he turned around and said that it wasn't going to get any better and that it was now normal...not what I wanted to hear (an I know, it'll be ok and a hug would have pretty much sorted me...). Then during the day he said he was worried about me and so was going to miss one of his xmas parties this week so he could be here to help me on fri and sat morning (rather than being hungover). So then I feel guilty and am all, "I'm fine, please go to your party etc" but he has decided he's not cause I need a hand out. I'm delighted at that as I really need a break.
He then tells me that I don't help myself - I should be going to sleep when bubs is sleeping and that I should put bubs down to play by himself and have a nap when he's playing. I do try to have a nap when bubs does but he's a napper, only get about 1/2 hour out of him twice a day but I also have to clean, do the laundry, do dinner (which H says he doesn't expect me to do but since bubs arrived he asks what's for dinner, rarely cleans and rarely does any of the laundry - he says leave it until the morning which to me means he doesn't want to see me do it but if I don't do it while he's there and can go to bubs if needs be then I have to do it the next day and it takes twice as long with running to bubs etc...). He also says that I have bubs in my arms too much - bubs is 4 months old and for the first say 2.5 months pretty much screamed if he was out of your arms. Evidence for bubs being in my arms too much is my taking him into bed on my chest when I can't settle him to sleep when he wakes during the night - this has become a feature because bubs was a sick for about last 4 weeks on and off so that has contributed to my being so tired as I don't get much sleep when he's in bed with me. If I don't bubs won't settle and H won't get sleep and so will be exhausted and also to be honest it is easier option for me.
Also he asked me twice whether I wanted to go for a swim last night and when I said for the millionth time no bec I was shattered he said we should both go on Fri - beginning to wonder whether he even hears me or whether he thinks I'm exaggerating...
In fairness to him he gave bubs the 7pm bottle and put him to bed. then at about 9 he said he's going to bed to read and that I shouldn't be surprised if he falls asleep. Great, I only have to do the washing up, the bottles, the 10.30pm feed and wait for a delivery guy to arrive. Feel that his concern is pretty much lip service when he fecks off up to bed after me saying I'm completely at the end of my tether. When I went up to bed he was asleep but woke when I went pottering about. I was clearly not impressed and when he insisted on asking what was wrong I said that I was so shattered all I wanted him to do was step up and help but all he did was go to bed while stuff needed to be done, that I had to wait for the delivery guy and also do the night feed. His suggestion was that I could have done what I had to do and then come to bed for a sleep - I could have put an alarm on to wake myself for the night feed...So there we are having a fight and he does the martyr and says he is going to do the whole night. That was a godsend as it's the first night he's ever done (he can't do nights, only early mornings...) but now he's not talking to me and yes, while one night is great I'm still so tired but also now upset at what I think is him being an ass which is not helping...
Am I being unreasonable or is this just the way it is??? Sorry for the essay...
I've never been so tired in my life, I'm so exhausted I just feel like crying all the time, can't think straight. Beginning to feel v. cross and resentful with Hubby. He's got a v. busy job and know he is tired too but wish he would step up a bit more and I feel like I'm being half unreasonable...
He's been going to work v. early so he can get home before bubs goes to sleep but that's made him so tired when he comes home that, depending on day, he takes bubs for 0.5 - 1 hour from me in the evening to give me a break. Recently he has been v. busy with v. long hours and tried to give him as much of a rest as poss, he moved into spare room for a few nights so he could get some sleep during this big project so from my perspective he got a few full nights sleep, also took bubs home for a weekend to give him a few nights unbroken sleep while he was working the saturday.
It's all coming to a head and yesterday started and ended fantastically - it started when I told H that I was completely exhausted, he turned around and said that it wasn't going to get any better and that it was now normal...not what I wanted to hear (an I know, it'll be ok and a hug would have pretty much sorted me...). Then during the day he said he was worried about me and so was going to miss one of his xmas parties this week so he could be here to help me on fri and sat morning (rather than being hungover). So then I feel guilty and am all, "I'm fine, please go to your party etc" but he has decided he's not cause I need a hand out. I'm delighted at that as I really need a break.
He then tells me that I don't help myself - I should be going to sleep when bubs is sleeping and that I should put bubs down to play by himself and have a nap when he's playing. I do try to have a nap when bubs does but he's a napper, only get about 1/2 hour out of him twice a day but I also have to clean, do the laundry, do dinner (which H says he doesn't expect me to do but since bubs arrived he asks what's for dinner, rarely cleans and rarely does any of the laundry - he says leave it until the morning which to me means he doesn't want to see me do it but if I don't do it while he's there and can go to bubs if needs be then I have to do it the next day and it takes twice as long with running to bubs etc...). He also says that I have bubs in my arms too much - bubs is 4 months old and for the first say 2.5 months pretty much screamed if he was out of your arms. Evidence for bubs being in my arms too much is my taking him into bed on my chest when I can't settle him to sleep when he wakes during the night - this has become a feature because bubs was a sick for about last 4 weeks on and off so that has contributed to my being so tired as I don't get much sleep when he's in bed with me. If I don't bubs won't settle and H won't get sleep and so will be exhausted and also to be honest it is easier option for me.
Also he asked me twice whether I wanted to go for a swim last night and when I said for the millionth time no bec I was shattered he said we should both go on Fri - beginning to wonder whether he even hears me or whether he thinks I'm exaggerating...
In fairness to him he gave bubs the 7pm bottle and put him to bed. then at about 9 he said he's going to bed to read and that I shouldn't be surprised if he falls asleep. Great, I only have to do the washing up, the bottles, the 10.30pm feed and wait for a delivery guy to arrive. Feel that his concern is pretty much lip service when he fecks off up to bed after me saying I'm completely at the end of my tether. When I went up to bed he was asleep but woke when I went pottering about. I was clearly not impressed and when he insisted on asking what was wrong I said that I was so shattered all I wanted him to do was step up and help but all he did was go to bed while stuff needed to be done, that I had to wait for the delivery guy and also do the night feed. His suggestion was that I could have done what I had to do and then come to bed for a sleep - I could have put an alarm on to wake myself for the night feed...So there we are having a fight and he does the martyr and says he is going to do the whole night. That was a godsend as it's the first night he's ever done (he can't do nights, only early mornings...) but now he's not talking to me and yes, while one night is great I'm still so tired but also now upset at what I think is him being an ass which is not helping...
Am I being unreasonable or is this just the way it is??? Sorry for the essay...
I think we've all been there at some point, I don't think our OHs really understand what it's like. I've had so many people say I should sleep when she sleeps but like you there's no point if it's just for 30 minutes, by the time you got to sleep it'd be time to wake up again!
