Am I just heartless?

[ericacaca]

Sadly we lost our baby at 17 weeks. We didnt want to look at baby or have a photo, we don't want to give it a name, we don't want to really go to the memorial service that the hospital offers.

When I hear of so many ladies wanting as much as they can to remember their baby it makes me think that I'm just a heartless cow who just ignored their baby when it entered the world. But its not that. Its just my way of dealing with it. If I had my way all I want to do is pretend it never happened and just get on with life... but family and friends kinda make it difficult and to be fair reality keeps on kicking in and thats when it hits me!

We have faith in God, but I don't want anyone praying with us about it. I suppose its cus it'll make it more real to me... I don't need that yet. Plus its just created even more questions than I've ever had before about stuff!

Has or does anyone else feel like this????? Or am I just a heartless cow?

Thanks xxx

 

[NickyT75]

you're not a heartless cow hunni you have to do whatever feels right for you

did the hospital take photos anyway to keep on file? (I only ask as I know someone who didn't want to see their baby at 1st changed their mind over a year later & was really upset about it thinking it was too late but the hospital had kept pics so she could see then when she was ready)

I myself took pics but not many & I regret it every day that I didn't take more - so everybody feels differently

im sorry for your loss xx

 

[addie25]

Ur not heartless when I went in after finding out the baby was sick n pregnancy was ending the doctor turned the screen towards me n I screamed and cried no I don't want to see turn it back! It was 2 painful to look at my poor baby was sick n I would never hold him or her!! I have pictures from be4 we knew anything was wrong n icant look at them yet. I do t have to look I know what my baby looks like I remember every detail from picture n when j close my eyes it kills me to remember the little nose and arms! Everyone deals differently n u have a big heart don't b to hard on urself.

 

[nattys]

Ur not heartless when I went in after finding out the baby was sick n pregnancy was ending the doctor turned the screen towards me n I screamed and cried no I don't want to see turn it back! It was 2 painful to look at my poor baby was sick n I would never hold him or her!! I have pictures from be4 we knew anything was wrong n icant look at them yet. I do t have to look I know what my baby looks like I remember every detail from picture n when j close my eyes it kills me to remember the little nose and arms! Everyone deals differently n u have a big heart don't b to hard on urself.

I was exactlly the same when I found out my baby was was very sick. The only time I ever saw my baby was the 12 week scan. It was my only way of detaching myself as I knew I would be saying goodbye to this beautiful baby that I had carried for 14 weeks. I chose not to see our baby after although the hospital does have photos in my file. I am still working up the courage to ask for these pictures as I know one day I'll be strong enough to look at them x

 

[Semanthia]

First, I am so sorry for your loss.
Everyone deals with things differently. For example: I look at pictures of my daughter everyday, I have some projects to help heal my heart and keep her in my heart. I am doing a shadow box of her feet impressions, feet picture, and found a poem called tiny footprints. Where as my husband looked at the pictures once and kind of pushes his pain away. I know that even though he doesn't show his pain that it is there. I wish I could be like that and kind of detach myself from the pain.
We both held our daughter after I delivered her because she was alive. I held her again after picture but before she started to discolor. However my husband did not, he probably wouldn't have wanted to see her if she wasn't born alive.
So you are not a heartless cow you are dealing with it in a way that is best for you.

 

[MissMaternal]

You are not heartless at all. Everybody deals with things in different ways, it is just your way of coping. I am so sorry for your loss
xxx

 

[Weeplin]

You're not heartless hon, like the other lady said everyone deals with these things in their own way. You have to do what is best for you at the time. I'm so sorry

 

[sunbeam]

try not to be so hard on yourself hun, different people deal with things differently, no way is the right way, we do what we think is best at the time. so sorry for your loss

 

[Aaisrie]

So sorry for your loss Erica

 

[secretbaby]

I am so sorry for your loss (((Hugs)). NO you are NOT heartless. We all deal with things differently and there is no right or wrong way, there are no 'better ways' to grieve and no one is better than anyone else because of how they deal with it (if that makes sense).

Our son died at 4 hours old, he is burried in the local cemetary - our grave is the only one without 'stuff' on it - we have a plant in a pot and 2 solar lights.. I felt I had to put something there incase people don't think we love him - I do so much but having stuff on the grave just isn't me .. nor is buying christmas present for my lost son, or buying presents from him for existing (or new) siblings, the later two my friend does and it gives her great comfort.

You have to deal with it in the way that suits you - and therefore it is the right way.

 

[6lilpigs]

You are a wonderful woman, suffering a very sad loss, my heart goes out to you xxx

 

[addie25]

I am so sorry for your loss (((Hugs)). NO you are NOT heartless. We all deal with things differently and there is no right or wrong way, there are no 'better ways' to grieve and no one is better than anyone else because of how they deal with it (if that makes sense).

Our son died at 4 hours old, he is burried in the local cemetary - our grave is the only one without 'stuff' on it - we have a plant in a pot and 2 solar lights.. I felt I had to put something there incase people don't think we love him - I do so much but having stuff on the grave just isn't me .. nor is buying christmas present for my lost son, or buying presents from him for existing (or new) siblings, the later two my friend does and it gives her great comfort.

You have to deal with it in the way that suits you - and therefore it is the right way.

Jam so sorry for ur loss did u deliver early if u don't mind me asking?