Am I missing something???

[k4th]

Background: dd was always sociable and reasonably outgoing. She went to a big nursery three days a week. She settled well & whilst she had off days we were always happy with nursery.

Ds is different. He's shy, a real mummy's little boy & hates strangers. He can wave, clap etc but rarely shows these skills off in front of people he doesn't know well (or he's not one for waving bye bye to a shop assistant for example). We picked a different nursery for him. A small one. Max 6 children in the room. He started at 1 year and seemed to settle well. He was ill pretty much from September a Dec with one thing or another - hand, foot & mouth, coughs, colds, gastroenteritis x2 and so on. We've given him two weeks off nursery & he's become more confident, more vocal and more independent. I put this down to the last of his wonder weeks ending.

Today he went back to nursery after two whole weeks off.

I had a call at lunch time saying he wasn't himself and he had been sick so I needed to collect him. i was very disappointed & a little confused, he seeemed very healthy this morning (just to say disappointed that he was poorly, not that the nursery rang me). When I went in he was lying on a sofa and looked flushed & lethargic.

Now we're home he's laughing his head off, eating a healthy sized lunch & running around like he has the whole holiday period.

Is this just down to him having two weeks off and not wanting to go back? But being sick seems too extreme for that? Does he really hate it? How do I know if a nursery just doesn't suit him & I should change??

I should add: really like the small nursery. The staff are all experienced & there is a very low staff turnover. I like the nursery ethos. I never get a bad "vibe" when I'm there. But just because I like it, does that mean he will??

I'm feeling so guilty today. I have to work and I only work three days a week. But I feel like he might suit being at home until he's older and can manage the nursery situation better

 

[Twag]

Sorry I have no idea but maybe try a childminder rather than a nursery if you think the nursery situation is what is upsetting him - he may settle into a childminder situation better? Just a thought

 

[lau86]

What do the nursery staff say? I liked our nursery for the baby room but didn't like the toddler room so I moved him to a preschool despite the hours not really suiting my work.
In my experience a child may not like a perfectly good nursery, I've also found this with swimming lessons and other activities.
I agree he may prefer a child minder. Don't feel guilty about working though, I assume he gets lots of things he wouldn't if you weren't working

 

[Wannabe Mommy]

We went through a stage when LO was about 1 where every day for 2 weeks we had a call early afternoon to say she had a temp and wasn't herself. Then at home she was fine.

Turns out just like me and OH my LO runs hot, so being in a busy run around environment with heating on at about 25 degrees constantly was overheating her. We put her in summer weight dresses in the middle of winter for nursery and all of a sudden she was fine again.

Could it be something that straightforward?

 

[Boo44]

Could he just have a bug again? Kids usually do perk right up once they've been sick! Might be as simple as that x

 

[superfrizbee]

I sometimes got a call to collect DD from nursery. She used to look so ill and pitiful when I got there, but would perk up no end at home. I think it's because they're most comfortable at home with mummy medicine!

 

[k4th]

I hadn't considered a childminder. After reading this thread I've been mulling it over - I don't know if it might suit him better. I think if we decide to move him then I'll definitely have a look around childminders rather than another nursery. Thanks twag & lau!

Lau - the nursery staff think it might just be about having two weeks off & getting overwhelmed. After writing this thread yesterday I called them to discuss it. Based on what they've said I've asked for an additional "settling in" session on Monday. They've agreed I can drop him off for a couple of hours and then collect him to see if that helps him get used to it again. I think they feel I'm being a bit neurotic, but I don't care!

Wannabe - this is definitely a good thought! Ds has exzema so I tend to wrap him up so he can't scratch at his arms but it was very warm there yesterday. I think I'll rethink his wardrobe & just send a jumper in case they go outside. Thanks!

Boo & superfrizbee - I'm almost sure he isn't ill. He was doing the conga with his big sister before drop off. Then "wasn't himself" the whole time he was there & then back on form at home. But I totally agree that being at home helps enormously & they're always best off at home when they're under the weather. My worry is that he's so unhappy that he was sick over the anxiety... which makes me feel much worse than if he was actually ill.

Hopefully the extra settling in session will help.

 

[george83]

Just to add to the confusion my ds2 and ds3 had stomach bugs over christmas and when they weren't being physically sick they were absolutely fine (according to the nhs website that's how you can tell it's a stomach bug and not anything else) so it could be a simple stomach bug too.

Also don't feel guilty working - my mum does my child care and I feel bad that my children don't get to socialise with other children and don't get enough stimulation so you honestly can't win

 

[Twag]

Just to add to the confusion my ds2 and ds3 had stomach bugs over christmas and when they weren't being physically sick they were absolutely fine (according to the bhs website that's how you can tell it's a stomach bug and not anything else) so it could be a simple stomach bug too.

Also don't feel guilty working - my mum does my child care and I feel bad that my children don't get to socialise with other children and don't get enough stimulation so you honestly can't win

Exactly this I work full time and my children are with my Mum - I had such worries about them socialising etc but my sister is a childminder and they do spend a lot of time seeing the children she childminds so they get the interaction there My son just started pre-school and honestly I thought he would hate it and not adjust at all but he LOVED it and couldn't not wait to go back such a relief

It is true you can't win either way

 

[Pearls18]

I would probably try and give it a bit more time, there's so much going around this time of year it could just be as simple as sickness, my DS2 was constantly ill the first winter in nursery but has developed a much stronger immune system since. That said, I found my eldest thrived best at this age with 50% nursery, 50% childminder it worked well for a number of reasons, but I've always partially used nursery as I personally like the socialisation and format they get there but I did find my eldest transitioned better with a childminder interspersed with the nursery whereas my youngest does well with just nursery, it's definitely a case of working something out for each child.

 

[k4th]

We went through a stage when LO was about 1 where every day for 2 weeks we had a call early afternoon to say she had a temp and wasn't herself. Then at home she was fine.

Turns out just like me and OH my LO runs hot, so being in a busy run around environment with heating on at about 25 degrees constantly was overheating her. We put her in summer weight dresses in the middle of winter for nursery and all of a sudden she was fine again.

Could it be something that straightforward?

We've switched him from a long sleeved vest plus long sleeved t-shirt, to just a t-shirt. He is MUCH happier there!! He still has some off moments, but these feel much more typical toddler moments now (e.g. Having a tantrum because he couldn't have every turn on the slide!).

Thanks so much for sharing!! You sparked a change that has made a big difference to us!!

 

[Wannabe Mommy]

We went through a stage when LO was about 1 where every day for 2 weeks we had a call early afternoon to say she had a temp and wasn't herself. Then at home she was fine.

Turns out just like me and OH my LO runs hot, so being in a busy run around environment with heating on at about 25 degrees constantly was overheating her. We put her in summer weight dresses in the middle of winter for nursery and all of a sudden she was fine again.

Could it be something that straightforward?

We've switched him from a long sleeved vest plus long sleeved t-shirt, to just a t-shirt. He is MUCH happier there!! He still has some off moments, but these feel much more typical toddler moments now (e.g. Having a tantrum because he couldn't have every turn on the slide!).

Thanks so much for sharing!! You sparked a change that has made a big difference to us!!

So glad it helped, it took us ages to figure out, I understand why they have to keep nurseries warm because of babies and children with health concerns but ours is in the 20s every day which is a bit too warm for lex.