am i out of order on this one?

[divershona]

okay so as most of you know im a STM and proud hehe but FOB and i still talk and we get on (most of the time). Anyways he has a new girlfriend who i absolutely hate ... i always have done, its just intensified with my pregnancy hormones but anyways

I'm planning my own baby shower ... yeah i know im not meant to but i don't care lol and me and FOB were talking about who to invite, im know guys arent meant to go to a baby shower but seeing as FOB can't do much with the pregnancy etc (he lives over 4 hour drive away) i said that im more than happy for him to come etc, obviously inviting his family etc as well as my family and a few of my friends who i really want there.

FOB has now said that because i'm inviting my 2 best friends that he wants his GF to come, seeing as i don't like her and niether does my best friend (who will say something to his GF if she came, and that would definately cause fireworks!) i said to him that i don't want her there because i don't want an argument breaking out and ruining my shower, plus it would make me feel really uncomfortable her being there and i'd just want my shower to end rather than enjoy it!

He has now gone off on one saying that im being selfish for not letting her come to my shower (when she has nothing to do with the baby anyways) and that he'll stop all his family from coming etc if she can't go. its no great loss if his family don't come, but i know his mum and gran would want to be there and i get on really well with them ... and they don't like his new GF either so i think they'd agree with me on this one.

Am i out of order?

 

[hurryupsept]

no, i don't think so personally. this is yours and his baby and you're within your right to say who is and isn't involved in your baby's life. including before they're born. hope you're ok and that everything works out for you.
congrats & good luck! x

 

[EmandBub]

i don't think you're out of order at all!
you have the right as their mother to decide who is in their life
& definitely the right as the person having the shower to decide who you want there
does he know you don't like her?
he might feel vindicated, but at the end of the day, you have to do what's right for you
this is about you! (& him) and not her!
if you don't want her there, I would say by all means let him make threats
xxx

 

[divershona]

thanks, as usual he just made me feel like crap and doubting myself so i was like ... ermmmmm am i actually out of order here? but i guess not

 

[LoisP]

Your so not out of order babe. I would of done exactly the same, but not as calm about it lol. She's got absolutely nothing to do with you baby, and does NOT need to be there for any reason. Stick to your guns on this one babe!

 

[mrsgtobe]

No you are totally right!! this girl has nothing to do with you or baby so why should you invite her to your shower. FOB is out of order for suggesting it. Dont feel bad about yourself its your shower and your decision noone elses

 

[CitrusMummy]

I can see why you're upset, and if you feel the need to put your foot down on this, you do it. But you need to think about the future, is the child going to be seeing their dad on a regular basis? If so, this girl could be a part of their life. In your shoes, I'd swallow my pride and try to get on with the girl. You also mention it would be your friend who started the arguement, so maybe ask her to stay out of it. You're having a baby with someone you're not in a relationship with and that's complicated enough without other people causing problems. Sorry if what I've said offends you, it's just I've been here, I despised my ex's girlfriend for some time, for personal reasons. Now we all get on, I swallowed that pride and talked to her, turns out we had a fair few things in common, one of which was my son, who she was spending time with via my ex. Hope you sort things out x

 

[EmandBub]

honey, you're in the right here
you decide, it's about you and that little baby
& it's about celebrating your baby with the people you're close to!
& if you don't want her there then she shouldn't be there!
he shouldn't make you doubt yourself
xxx

 

[MissMamma]

Ems right, this is supposed to be a celebration of you and your LO there's no need for her to be there if its going to cause trouble and grief. FOB is out of order for asking it of you..xx

 

[divershona]

thanks girls, i have tried to get along with her before as she was one of his best m8s and i figured hell i might as well try, but it needs to go two ways. after some of the rumours and comments she has said about me i've decided not to bother making the effort. If she beecomes a permanent fixture then things might change but for now i'm not making the effort unless she does. There are other reasons why i don't want her around the baby and ive told FOB that and he doesnt see a problem with it. She smokes weed on a daily basis so constantly smells of it ... no way is any of that stuff going near my LO ... if it was just normal smoke then id insists she didnt smoke in the room with him/her or hold him/her while smoking, washed her hands and changed tops or took off her jumper before holding him/her which is the same rules i have for my best friends and they think thats fine and perfectly reasonable!!!

 

[MissMamma]

Your situ is so difficult hun
In the future they might be need for you to try and sort things out with her but for this shower i think you should ask FOB to respect your decision. If he can't do that, well then, he's an ass!
Tbh if he can't see the problem with her smoking weed all the time and this potentially being around your LO he doesn't deserve to be round him/her either.
Sorry if thats nasty. I'm feeling a lil bit bitchy atm, just watching a series i really like and it's turning crap and all the baddies are winning and i don't like it I need to vent my rage..xx

 

[divershona]

Your situ is so difficult hun
In the future they might be need for you to try and sort things out with her but for this shower i think you should ask FOB to respect your decision. If he can't do that, well then, he's an ass!
Tbh if he can't see the problem with her smoking weed all the time and this potentially being around your LO he doesn't deserve to be round him/her either.
Sorry if thats nasty. I'm feeling a lil bit bitchy atm, just watching a series i really like and it's turning crap and all the baddies are winning and i don't like it I need to vent my rage..xx

i agree with you on this one