Am I over-reacting?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by cooney, Apr 18, 2009.

  1. cooney

    cooney Well-Known Member

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    So I met my OH 3+ years ago. When he was a freshman in high school (8 years ago) he dated a girl named Brittany who moved very far away in the middle of their relationship and they broke it up. Since then she has called him maybe once a month. They are really good friends but have not seen each other in 8 years.

    She is super sweet. She was excited for him when he found me and now when she calls she talks to me just as long as she talks to him. I would almost call her a friend. She seems completely harmless.

    Here is what is bothering me... She has not had a boyfriend since my OH. When she is feeling down or lonely she calls and talks to him. She tells me outright that she needs him to make her feel better about herself. He tells her she is a wonderful person and beautiful and she feels better. This all happens in front of me so it isn't like they are hiding it, they are just good friends. She even tells me that she calls him when she needs someone to cheer her up and compliment her.

    So she is super excited about the baby and wants to come down and visit for a week or two when the baby is born. All of a sudden this idea sent up a red flag in my mind. I don't want her here. She is amazing but I have had way too many women try and seduce my OH in the past. People I i used to call my "best friends" in the past have tried to sleep with him so I have a problem trusting another girl in our house for a week or two.

    I'm just afraid she will try something If I were out of the house. They are just friends but I get the feeling she isn't over him.

    Am I over-reacting? Should I do anything? Damn hormones.
     
  2. sarah_george

    sarah_george ♥Proud Mummy!♥

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    Ooohh Tricky that one hun, must admit I wouldnt like it, I think you would need that like a hole in the head specially while trying to adapt to the new baby at the same time, hopefully its just hot air and it wont actually happen, at the very least if she does come and stay I would try and find her somewhere else rather than staying with you and your man, not sure what to advise but I dont think its just hormones xxx
     
  3. whiby

    whiby Well-Known Member

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    Think I agree with Sarah about her staying at a hotel or something. You also have to bear in mind that with a new baby you are not likely to want long term guests, you are likely to want to spend time just as a family. Having someone else there for even a few days may cause resentment on its own, let alone if you are also suspicious. Maybe you could have a chat to your OH and reassure him that whilst you trust him and know he has been very open you can't help being a little concerned and anxious?
     
  4. Clartylou

    Clartylou Mummy to Samuel, Pgt no#2

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    I don't think I would be comfortable that my H's ex was still contacting him in need of cheering up and compliments. To me it sounds like she is not over him at all and I would not want her in my house. In fact I wouldn't want her coming to visit and stay in a hotel. Can you imagine how your mind would race if he popped back to her hotel with her??? I think you need to speak to your OH about this.

    Cx
     
  5. leighbaby

    leighbaby yummy mummy

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    You are defo NOT over reacting. After 8 years, she STILL calls him to feel better!? I'm sure she is lovely, but she is definately very needy and not what you want in your house. (or near your rabbits let alone your family....is that too mean...maybe I'm hormonally protective...)
     
  6. jojo2605

    jojo2605 Mom to Sam & Dylan

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    Sorry for poking my nose in from 2nd Trimester, but I have read this and thought I may just put my penneths worth in (if it's even worth that! lol)

    Firstly, I think perhaps it's possible that it's because she keeps so close to your OH that she hasn't moved on with someone else - I don't think that's healthy at all to be honest!

    Secondly, it's not hormones; you will have just had a baby, be sleep deprived, quite possibly very hormonal, trying to bond with your family as a whole, etc, etc, I would say that the last thing that you need is someone who clearly has feelings for your OH staying with you and complicating an already stressful (albeit wonderful) time. Besides the fact that you will be worried about her intentions, as people have already said, just the stress of having someone else around would be enough for me to say "NO way, not happening"!!
     
  7. hollilol

    hollilol Active Member

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    hi,

    just my opinion, but i don't think it's your hormones at all.. i wouldn't want her in my house even if i hadn't just had a baby.. definitely speak to your OH about the situation and tell him how you're feeling.. he sounds like a nice guy and I'm sure he would understand your concerns..

    laura
     
  8. DolceBella

    DolceBella Mum of 2 Gingers!!

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    Maybe you could just tell her that you'll only be up for a weekend visit with her. "A week or two" is a long time.
     
  9. NoSpringChick

    NoSpringChick Well-Known Member

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    Personally I think she has a cheek on so many levels!

    You are a nicer person than me cos she would get told where to go if she was phoning my hubby to boost her confidence - nah no way!
    Of course she's super sweet - he wouldnt be able to talk to her if she didnt talk to you or be so nice.
    And imposing herself on you 2 when youve got a newborn for 2 weeks????
    She needs to get her own life and leave you 2 (nearly 3) to yours.

    How would your oh feel if you had an ex doing the same?
     
  10. Sherileigh

    Sherileigh Well-Known Member

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    I don't know that I'd be bothered by the friendship (as you don't sound to be either)...let's face it, he's with you, he's having a baby with you, if he wanted her, he'd probably have had her by now. BUT I wouldn't want her or anyone staying with us for a couple of weeks after having a baby...I think maybe a little visit and staying in a hotel would be more than enough!
     
  11. jano

    jano Well-Known Member

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    How about trying to keep this open honesty cool thing going, and telling them both "NO" and give your reasons, do it over the phone to her in front of OH so all there, even lie a bit and say that the midwife is against it because it will be too much. If she is as sweet and caring as he makes out she will understand straight away and feel embarassed that she ever suggested it. And you could use the line " You are so nice I feel I can tell you that I am not into the idea without you getting all funny" then you will flatter her whilst politely telling her to p**s off !!

    Good luck xx
     

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